katya02
Solace
It's been a very up and down week. On the good side, difficult child went to his first group session at the outpatient rehab program in town. And husband went with me to our first family education session connected with the program - and he was very impressed and vowed to go to the rest of the sessions. Hooray! The counselor in charge has long experience and talked to us for an hour after the class. It was the most helpful thing I can think of for husband.
The counselor loaned me the book 'Codependent No More', which I've nearly finished. I've been working at stepping back when I feel upset or angry and analyzing it more, and leaving responsibility where it belongs.
Another good thing is that difficult child has started working! And he likes his job and the people there! Big bonus!
On the down side, difficult child has exhibited some major Borderline (BPD) traits this week. He came home from the rehab session gloomy and angry, and immediately began telling me he didn't know I was so angry with him (?) and that no matter what he does, it'll never be enough, and he's hopeless, and nothing will ever get better, and life is not worth living. Then he stomped into the house and returned having cut his arms up pretty well, all very superficial but plenty of cuts. Then he went on for almost two hours sobbing and accusing. When I get up and leave sessions like this he escalates badly; I ended up staying and feeling like I'd been beaten by a two-by-four. Since then I've decided that, escalation or no, I'm not going to sit through another verbal beating like that. I'm going to walk away.
I think difficult child felt bad and/or angry about the group session and needed to project the bad feelings, pronto. Knowing what's happening intellectually doesn't make it less hurtful, though. difficult child also had a major accusatory conversation with husband this week, and husband was stunned. He hasn't been subject to one until now. He spoke to difficult child about drinking, because difficult child had a major drinking bout and we found him passed out in the morning. difficult child went hysterical (once conscious) and punched himself in the face repeatedly, giving himself a black eye and a swollen right cheek. Then he accused husband of being a bad father in every possible way.
husband is not at the point where he'll call the police on difficult child for drinking, nor will he evict him for that. But he's quickly coming to that point. He's been depressed all week as he mulls over what difficult child's behaviors mean.
So difficult child has worked almost all week at his job and enjoyed it, and all seems to be going well. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I'm also hopeful that the rehab program will help our family.
The counselor loaned me the book 'Codependent No More', which I've nearly finished. I've been working at stepping back when I feel upset or angry and analyzing it more, and leaving responsibility where it belongs.
Another good thing is that difficult child has started working! And he likes his job and the people there! Big bonus!
On the down side, difficult child has exhibited some major Borderline (BPD) traits this week. He came home from the rehab session gloomy and angry, and immediately began telling me he didn't know I was so angry with him (?) and that no matter what he does, it'll never be enough, and he's hopeless, and nothing will ever get better, and life is not worth living. Then he stomped into the house and returned having cut his arms up pretty well, all very superficial but plenty of cuts. Then he went on for almost two hours sobbing and accusing. When I get up and leave sessions like this he escalates badly; I ended up staying and feeling like I'd been beaten by a two-by-four. Since then I've decided that, escalation or no, I'm not going to sit through another verbal beating like that. I'm going to walk away.
I think difficult child felt bad and/or angry about the group session and needed to project the bad feelings, pronto. Knowing what's happening intellectually doesn't make it less hurtful, though. difficult child also had a major accusatory conversation with husband this week, and husband was stunned. He hasn't been subject to one until now. He spoke to difficult child about drinking, because difficult child had a major drinking bout and we found him passed out in the morning. difficult child went hysterical (once conscious) and punched himself in the face repeatedly, giving himself a black eye and a swollen right cheek. Then he accused husband of being a bad father in every possible way.
husband is not at the point where he'll call the police on difficult child for drinking, nor will he evict him for that. But he's quickly coming to that point. He's been depressed all week as he mulls over what difficult child's behaviors mean.
So difficult child has worked almost all week at his job and enjoyed it, and all seems to be going well. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I'm also hopeful that the rehab program will help our family.
