College age daughter experimenting with drugs
- Thread starter holdinon3
- Start date
Admitted. Talked to her last night and she was in good spirits--hopeful yet denies the seriousness of the situation. She is in a really good facility so I hope they can chip away at that denial. Kathy, I tolf her this is a gift to herself. One thing, she is a highly intelligent young lady, I hope she can get smart about her illness! Thanks for your support! You folks are so kind and understanding.
daughter is certainly sounding a little more reasonable on the phone. Apologized for some things but reverts to anger/manipulation when confronted with a lie. Wants to skip the outpatient part of the program and go back to school. I said no way until she proves she is able to manage herself appropriately. She said if we make her come home instead of college, it is the only thing that will make her "use"! More anger! She told me most everything she has used in terms of drugs and I will tell you, I almost fainted on the phone while trying to remain neutral. She mentioned several times that she will be able to smoke pot occasionally and not cause self harm. She wants me to hand over a bank account of hers that contains birthday money she has been saving since she was a little girl. I said no way.Her emotions were all over the map, and my head was literally spinning when I hung up the phone! I think I will set a time limit on future phone calls to protect my own psyche. I'm not sure our phone time really accomplished anything good.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Hi, holdin. Hope you are doing better today.
My own daughter is also one of those high IQ kids, but she is creative and walked to the beat of a different drum. I think her intelligence and actually being able to rationalize and think about the future saved her. She often relays a lightbulb moment she had when she saw a "friend" of hers without her normal long sleeves hiding her arms. The "friend" had needle marks up and down both arms and Daughter thought, "If I don't stop, this will be me." It was one of several "aha" moments that made her decide to quit...and she it cold turkey with no rehab and not even a therapist. But if your kid is willing to get help, I recommend it. Daughter suffered herself, but it was very hard for her. She told nobody when she detoxed and she didn't leave her brother's basement so he didn't see her either. This is her story relayed to me and she has no reason to lie and doesn't seem to lie about anything anymore.
Do not coddle your daughter. She will have no incentive to go through the hardship of quitting, even in a rehab, if she knows you will keep her warm and cozy. Let her take this walk herself. She will end up stronger in the long run. My daughter who used is a strong person and very focused now and is also very proud of herself for being able to get over some very hard times.
I think intelligence can really help our kids that go wayward because they are less apt to react in the moment than those who do not have that ability.
In no way can I guarantee that your daughter will decide to do the right thing. She certainly isn't there yet. But I don't want you to give up hope. At the same time, I also hope you don't enable her to keep doing what she is doing. I would not give her any money at all right now. And I think it's smart to limit your phone time with her.
It's time for you to start being good to yourself. It was a new concept to me to think that I am as important as my children, when a therapist first said that to me. I remember I said, "Not to me, I'm not." It took a long time for me to realize that I matter as much as my kids do. That helped me distance myself from difficult child drama and let them grow up.
Hugs to you and hoping you have a good, peaceful day that you don't allow your daughter's drama to destroy.
My own daughter is also one of those high IQ kids, but she is creative and walked to the beat of a different drum. I think her intelligence and actually being able to rationalize and think about the future saved her. She often relays a lightbulb moment she had when she saw a "friend" of hers without her normal long sleeves hiding her arms. The "friend" had needle marks up and down both arms and Daughter thought, "If I don't stop, this will be me." It was one of several "aha" moments that made her decide to quit...and she it cold turkey with no rehab and not even a therapist. But if your kid is willing to get help, I recommend it. Daughter suffered herself, but it was very hard for her. She told nobody when she detoxed and she didn't leave her brother's basement so he didn't see her either. This is her story relayed to me and she has no reason to lie and doesn't seem to lie about anything anymore.
Do not coddle your daughter. She will have no incentive to go through the hardship of quitting, even in a rehab, if she knows you will keep her warm and cozy. Let her take this walk herself. She will end up stronger in the long run. My daughter who used is a strong person and very focused now and is also very proud of herself for being able to get over some very hard times.
I think intelligence can really help our kids that go wayward because they are less apt to react in the moment than those who do not have that ability.
In no way can I guarantee that your daughter will decide to do the right thing. She certainly isn't there yet. But I don't want you to give up hope. At the same time, I also hope you don't enable her to keep doing what she is doing. I would not give her any money at all right now. And I think it's smart to limit your phone time with her.
It's time for you to start being good to yourself. It was a new concept to me to think that I am as important as my children, when a therapist first said that to me. I remember I said, "Not to me, I'm not." It took a long time for me to realize that I matter as much as my kids do. That helped me distance myself from difficult child drama and let them grow up.
Hugs to you and hoping you have a good, peaceful day that you don't allow your daughter's drama to destroy.
Thanks MWM, I realize my whole life is wrapped up in my kids. All the good I thought I did for them growing up did not prevent my daughter from being a drug abuser. I have lost myself in the process. I believe I have a journey of my own that is needed for me to live a happy life. God works in mysterious ways.
Follow up: We have had 2 family groups, and I talk to my daughter daily on the phone. She is excited about leaving treatment and starting a new life, doing well in school and making new friends who do not abuse drugs. The thing that scares me is she is constantly talking about using weed safely and incorporating weed use into her new, healthy lifestyle. This is counterintuitive to me, and I remind her that she needs to come home to us drug free and remain drug free in our home. She assures me she will not use weed in our home but will do it elsewhere. I remind her that she cannot come home under the influence of any substance. This is becoming a block to her recovery, in my humble opinion, and it's pissing me off!!! She is trying to exert control over her future life, our family life and family values before she is even completely detoxed! I feel we get into arguments about weed, and it is preventing us from discussing anything else. It is early in her treatment, but I would like to know how to handle this most difficult and perplexing problem. I want to give the problem back to her where it belong but how can I detangle myself from this situation. I strongly encourage her to discuss it in depth with her counselors as I am at a loss.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
If that is the reason, fine. What ever it takes. Good job!!!
