Hi 40andup. I'm from Michigan, too and my difficult child has been at Havenwyck as well.
I don't know why some kids can let a run-in with the law be a learning experience and others can't, but I wanted to share with you my daughter's story.
One day, while I was imposing boundaries, and limits and consequences, she had a meltdown. She grabbed me by the face like I was some naughty child that needed scolding, and grabbed my wrist to the point that it left marks. Then she ran into the kitchen and grabbed a bunch of knives (she was in recovery for cutting then, and I don't believe she was threatening me as much as herself), and started to bang them against the oven door and then against the TV set. Luckily, the tempered glass was stronger than she was.
I called the police and she bolted out the door. This isn't the first time the police had been called - she'd been taken to the p-hospital a few months before and had a couple MIP (tobacco) charges. So the police knew that this kid was on the slippery slope. They saw the itty-bitty bruises rise on my wrist, and said right then and there, "We are pressing charges for domestic violence" and took the situation right out of my hands. Of course the kid figures she should have a least left me with a shiner or a handprint to merit being arrested, but the cops were unflinching. You do not touch your mother.
So, DEX and I made it to the arraignment the next day and watched as difficult child was led in the courtroom cuffed and shackled. She promptly screwed her face into its most menacing and flipped me the bird. In front of the judge.
And she bought herself a $5,000 bail.
I looked at my DEX and said, "Do you have $5,000?" He said, "No. Do you?" I said, "Nope". And she sat in juvy, and over Easter, for three weeks until her court date. And she sat in juvy for another two weeks until she pled guilty and was put on probation. She was on a tether for an additional six weeks and had to wear it for all to see at a family wedding as well.
She hasn't touched me or her sister since. And although she was charged for MIP for marijuana sometime later, she has been very careful since not to attract the attention of the police. Indeed, many of the local cops wave and smile to her on the street. She has even made her friends tone down their actions and chill out since then. She doesn't ever want to go back to juvy, or now that she's an adult, jail.
So, the moral to my story is that you need to stop getting the lawyer to protect him. It appears that everytime he's had a run-in, you've bailed him out. It's the one of the few things I grew a backbone on, and so far, it was good experience. She doesn't realize it yet, and still blames me for her going to juvy and will never believe that she assaulted me, but the important thing is that she has learned to modify her behavior because of anticipated and unwanted consequences (with the police anyway...family dynamics is another thing entirely) and that is a very big step for kids like ours.
I hated the police and SWs and shrinks telling me I must be relieved to have the kid out of the house and trying to trap me into saying I hated her and was abusive and she was a throwaway kid. I hated the horrid visitations when she hated me so viscerally I was embarrassed to be in the same room with her and 50 other delinquents. That's quite an accomplishment for a difficult child to be the nastiest amongst the nasty, don't you think? But I was fortunate in that I no longer had to worry about her overpowering her sister or me, because she learned that lesson quickly and harshly.
I am still paying the county for her stay Children's Village...even if I'm the victim I was legally responsible for her actions and I'm paying $20 a month on the bill, but it is worth every penny.
And sadly, the threat of the police is about the only thing I can do to reel her in when her meltdowns get out of control. But it helped. It continues to help, and I'll never, ever shield her from the police. She's got to do that on her own.
driver and relocked, the keys for the draw were hidden in the kitchen and i have to believe that my son stole this money. i can not see one of his friends hunting for the keys to a locked draw behind a locked door, then relocking everything and making it appear normal. But on the other hand I can't believe my son would violate his family in such a way. We have turned off his cell phone, and are changing the house locks tommorrow, but my
