Beta and all…my husband and I helped our son Jarod in every way shape or form. Me especially. He was my project child because he was the middle child and I had read the statistics when he was young in on middle children. Plus…he was just different from our other 2.
He had bursts of anger as a child. He was our introvert while his older brother was outgoing. He was artistic and fascinated by the weather. He watched the weather channel at age 10 lol and could read weather models from all over the world. He also showed very low energy and would not put a lot of effort into work. It was even hard to get him to shower properly as a child!
He loved legos though. He and I would spend hours on the floor in the living room building Lego creations. But then after we would have a model built and he would get angry about something, he would destroy our Lego creations.
Our son got involved with drugs after following in his older brother’s footsteps at around age 13. We put them both in rehab for 4-6 months. School was interrupted. My husband tried to help homeschool him but we still had problems with his behavior.
He was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. We tried medications but they didn’t work.
Eventually when he turned 18 and got his girlfriend pregnant, he married her and joined the Army. That lasted 15 months. He was discharged (with a general honorable discharge) for substance abuse.
After that he and his wife moved in with us and they had another child. Work was sketchy if at all. He began using opioids and drinking a lot. We couldn’t live like this and they moved in with wife’s mother. They went on to have a third child.
His wife and he decided to go blizzard chasing in Amarillo Texas and he got suicidal at the same time so his wife called 911 at the hotel they were staying in. The ambulance took him to the emergency room. They had no psychiatric beds available. The police were there and my son felt disrespected by them so he ended up spitting on them. He was then taken to jail and beat up by the police. He was charged with harassment of a public servant. A felony. He was sent to prison for over a year.
After that he returned to his mother in laws with his wife and 3 children. He got a job and worked for a year but also got involved with Meth. His wife kicked him out once the job he had fired him for his drug abuse.
His wife quickly got involved with another man she had been secretly engaging with online. She moved in with him and got pregnant right away. While our son was now homeless.
We took Jarod in several times throughout those years of on again off again homelessness. My husband tried to help him with jobs while I tried to help him with psychiatrists and being his advocate and best friend.
When he was homeless and hooked on Meth he would often become psychotic and up in a hospital. I can’t tell you how many hospitals he went to. Too many to count.
His wife ended up getting kicked out of the man’s house she was in after she too got hooked on Meth and started fighting with him.
Within 2 years she was pregnant a 5th time. Living with her mom where she still is today with our 3 grandchildren and 2 other sons.
My sweet sensitive son with the drug addiction problems didn’t make it. He was homeless in California 2 years ago on Thanksgiving when he died with Meth in his system after being hit by an unlicensed driver on the highway. He was alone when he died. No shoes on his feet at 4:50am. 3 dollars to his name and a few cigarettes.
I don’t know why I felt compelled to write his story this morning. Sometimes I just need to think about his life and all that he went through. All that we went through.
I miss him so much. I tried so hard to love his pain away. To fix him. He was so loving to me. He even thanked me the week before he died for bringing him into this world and having him. Can you imagine. He is homeless in the streets and is thanking his mom for bringing him into this world.
I have to keep his memory alive. He mattered. His life had meaning. He brought 3 beautiful children into this world. He loved them so much. The only thing I think he was proud of.
I don’t regret anything I did for my son. But I will say my husband and I paid a heavy price. I had a psychotic breakdown, got shingles, had to be hospitalized. My husband lost tons of sleep and money. I was in severe depression for many of those years.
My son’s death comes with some relief now as sad as that is to say. We are no longer suffering along side our son. Our son is at peace now and has a new body and a new home. No more angst. No more dreadful calls or experiences for any of us.
So many years spent on addiction and its trauma and problems are over for us now.
Left only with wishing things/life could’ve been different for our son, for his children and for us. Memories of sweeter times. The times when he was sober or as a young child.
Mama misses you Jarod and will love you always. Hugs to heaven.
I pray for peace to come to all members of our our conduct disorders board. Be at peace with yourselves. Know that you have done your best with the most difficult of situations. Be grateful for what you can be grateful for today.
And keep loving yourselves and your children as you pray for their eventual peace.
Love, LMS
I would guess a little of both
but our kids make us that way, crazy that is. I identify with your history although my son is mine by birth and is 23 not 18 very similar as far as behaviors regarding video games and electronics and following rules and boundaries.
