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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 750843" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Beta,</p><p>I've done those things too. I've paid security deposits, rent, utility bills, food bills, gas, bought two used vehicles for each homeless son. Put them up in hotels when we were expecting blizzards here in the Northeast etc.</p><p></p><p>It is not easy getting off the "train". I think I'll be like an addict to some degree all my life. My addiction is fixing/controlling/rescuing my sons. I could be wrong but I think that I'll have to be mindful and work on this my whole life.</p><p></p><p>The thing that is helping is really getting into my own self and trying to figure out where my fear, obligation and guilt stem from (apart from the obvious, that I'm their parent).</p><p></p><p>There is something deeper and I'm working on discovering that and want to release that as well to God. I think there's some unforgiveness and unworthiness I have towards myself even from when I was a young child. I came from the most loving, wonderful family. I had eight brothers and sisters and wonderful parents who brought me up with good morals and faith. I never wanted to look deeper at any issues because I didn't want to disrespect the memory of such good parents. But if I want to heal, which I do. I have to look deeper and not be afraid to uncover some things about myself that I've buried. And then ask God to help me release my new discoveries. There are some already I've unearthed.</p><p></p><p>I'm really searching to understand myself insofar as why would I tolerate so much verbal abuse and for the most part become numb to it.</p><p></p><p>I'm a work in progress that's for sure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 750843, member: 23405"] Beta, I've done those things too. I've paid security deposits, rent, utility bills, food bills, gas, bought two used vehicles for each homeless son. Put them up in hotels when we were expecting blizzards here in the Northeast etc. It is not easy getting off the "train". I think I'll be like an addict to some degree all my life. My addiction is fixing/controlling/rescuing my sons. I could be wrong but I think that I'll have to be mindful and work on this my whole life. The thing that is helping is really getting into my own self and trying to figure out where my fear, obligation and guilt stem from (apart from the obvious, that I'm their parent). There is something deeper and I'm working on discovering that and want to release that as well to God. I think there's some unforgiveness and unworthiness I have towards myself even from when I was a young child. I came from the most loving, wonderful family. I had eight brothers and sisters and wonderful parents who brought me up with good morals and faith. I never wanted to look deeper at any issues because I didn't want to disrespect the memory of such good parents. But if I want to heal, which I do. I have to look deeper and not be afraid to uncover some things about myself that I've buried. And then ask God to help me release my new discoveries. There are some already I've unearthed. I'm really searching to understand myself insofar as why would I tolerate so much verbal abuse and for the most part become numb to it. I'm a work in progress that's for sure. [/QUOTE]
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