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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752617" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>As I have spent years thinking mostly of my disturbed child, while not giving the same amount of time to my children who are kind to me, I have a few possible ideas you can maybe think about. First of all, no, you don't get over a child, but Al Anon and private therapy are both enormously helpful. Well, for us they were. You can try them. We do both.</p><p></p><p>Secondly, I highly recommend focusing your attention on your daughters who are kind to you. When adult children decide not to treat us well, it hurts but is usually more about their own issues than about us. I gave up trying to analyze why my daughter mistreats us. Therapists, family and friends gave us their opinions. All of them were guessing.</p><p></p><p>The truth is, nobody knows the why of it except for Kay and she has no answer that is based in reality. My husband and I decided that it doesn't matter why. We know we did nothing to deserve her degree of meanness and that it isn't normal. </p><p></p><p>Our two other kids cried and hugged us and told us how badly they had felt when we seemed to be so focused on Kay after we formally apologized. We are lucky that they are kind and forgiving because the truth is that Kay was ruling our emotions. That was so unfair and it will never happen again. We can't force Kay to be the daughter we want her to be. We are done putting so much time into her when we have others who care for us.</p><p></p><p>I also recommend rekindling your other relationships too as well as hobbies and interests. No one person should own your soul.</p><p></p><p>God is important for me. He got us over this.</p><p></p><p>Blessings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752617, member: 23706"] As I have spent years thinking mostly of my disturbed child, while not giving the same amount of time to my children who are kind to me, I have a few possible ideas you can maybe think about. First of all, no, you don't get over a child, but Al Anon and private therapy are both enormously helpful. Well, for us they were. You can try them. We do both. Secondly, I highly recommend focusing your attention on your daughters who are kind to you. When adult children decide not to treat us well, it hurts but is usually more about their own issues than about us. I gave up trying to analyze why my daughter mistreats us. Therapists, family and friends gave us their opinions. All of them were guessing. The truth is, nobody knows the why of it except for Kay and she has no answer that is based in reality. My husband and I decided that it doesn't matter why. We know we did nothing to deserve her degree of meanness and that it isn't normal. Our two other kids cried and hugged us and told us how badly they had felt when we seemed to be so focused on Kay after we formally apologized. We are lucky that they are kind and forgiving because the truth is that Kay was ruling our emotions. That was so unfair and it will never happen again. We can't force Kay to be the daughter we want her to be. We are done putting so much time into her when we have others who care for us. I also recommend rekindling your other relationships too as well as hobbies and interests. No one person should own your soul. God is important for me. He got us over this. Blessings. [/QUOTE]
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