Crashed and burned

[Ephchap]

Awww, Kathy, I'm so sorry to read this. Arghhh. Any chance of finding an inpatient through the MHMR agency in your county or state? Sometimes they can have them get assistance in paying for inpatient hospitalization by using her net worth (which can't be much) and that way she'd receive assistance. That was the only way we were able to afford the 10 month stay for my difficult child. He was 17 at the time, but it was still done the same way.

Sending mega hugs,
Deb

 

[pinevalley]

Oh Kathy, I am so very sorry to read the sad news about your daughter. I know that you must be so disappointed, because she was doing so well with her DBT program and her sobriety. I was really rooting for her, because it seemed like she was going to be one of the lucky difficult child's who turn their lives around. I wish that there was something that I could do or say to take your pain away. Please remember that you have many friends here on this board who care about you, and your board friends are offering you support and hugs from all over the country. I will pray that your difficult child comes to her senses soon. (((HUGS)))

 

[DammitJanet]

One thing tired said about the talking about suicide struck me. I do think that those who talk a lot about it are less likely to make real attempts. Not to say they cant accidently die while just trying to gain attention because they can but in most cases its more of an attempt to transfer their pain onto someone else so they can say, here...see, this is how badly I feel and you simply dont understand it and I want you to feel how badly I feel so I am going to threaten to commit suicide or I am going to cut myself and then you will feel badly. Oh gosh, now I really have you so upset...and a little mad at me! Oh gosh, that really wasnt my intention at all. Now I did it again. I have you crying and you still dont understand. Im stupid. I cant do anything right. You cant understand, I cant make you understand. Im worthless. And it starts all over again.

Lord have mercy.

This is my life 24/7 365.

 

[Kathy813]

but in most cases its more of an attempt to transfer their pain onto someone else so they can say, here...see, this is how badly I feel and you simply dont understand it and I want you to feel how badly I feel so I am going to threaten to commit suicide or I am going to cut myself and then you will feel badly. Oh gosh, now I really have you so upset...and a little mad at me! Oh gosh, that really wasnt my intention at all. Now I did it again. I have you crying and you still dont understand. Im stupid. I cant do anything right. You cant understand, I cant make you understand. Im worthless. And it starts all over again.

OMG, Janet. You said exactly what I hear from her over and over.

difficult child is no longer talking about going to Colorado. Even she knows it would be a disaster. She's trying to negotiate now. I told her that I had nothing to say to her and that she needs to talk to her therapist on Tuesday about her future plans. So far, she is still going to work.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Geez, what a roller coaster ride. Perhaps she is starting to differentiate between what is healthy and what is not, maybe her brain is settling down now so she can begin to see reality. I hope this is just a momentary relapse into old behaviors and that she talks to her therapist and stays at her job. If she can get through the abandonment issues and get back on track, then this episode could actually be looked at as a win, that she worked it through without making really poor choices. Not to say it didn't have a really negative impact on you and your husband, but with mental illness, there really is no "normal.".............. living in that zone, for you, is pretty devastating when "normal" is your usual reality. I'm sorry, I hope she gets off this track and returns to where she was before Colorado came up. HUGS to you Kathy, I know how hard this is on you.

 

[busywend]

Kathy, sending supportive, caring hugs your way. I am sorry she is spiraling.

 

[buddy]

My heart was so torn up for you reading this. Still, you hang in there and keep processing and moving forward. I read this all and thought about how I worried my parents so much when young with my depression etc. It makes me feel terrible. Still, I'm so blessed to have found therapy and to have turned it around. I'm sure many of us could imagine our lives if we hadn't changed paths. I'm sad for your difficult child. I wish she could find whatever she needs inside to follow her more productive and happy path.

 

[exhausted]

Kathy,
I'm glad she isnt going to Colorado. I think it would make things worse. It sounds like she is starting to come out of the episode a bit.
I hope she gets back on the wagon. Its hard to loose a friend and borderline people struggle to even get friends then desperatly hold on and
Then when they're gone...coping is a huge problem. They told us it takes a minimum of 2 years before difficult child will be solid in her DBT skill. Even
then it will be a struggle. Noone can understand the pain and cyclical thinking of those with Borderline (BPD) unless they have been there as Janet has. We have had so many suicide
Threats and since she attempted on the last one, we choose to take then seriously. I'm glad you called the police. I hope she is in a better place with that thinking.
I think it shows improvement that she is holding down her job. Hang in there and I hope she chooses recovery.

 

[Kathy813]

It's like she is a different person. She is back to being calm and says she realizes she had gone off the deep end when Peter Pan left. She hasn't left the house since her car is not currently registered and we refuse to fix it for her. She said she has plans of getting it inspected and paying the registration fees this week. In the meantime, we are letting her drive it illegally (it is her former car and we are not liable) and deal with the consequences if she gets stopped by the police.

The car she had been driving is sitting in the garage with a smashed in back windshield and a missing side mirror. She had called me sobbing a week ago (during the spiral down) saying that a random homeless man had just smashed in her back windshield when she had pulled over to the side of the road in downtown Atlanta putting an address in her GPS.

And if you believe that . . . I have some swampland in south Georgia to sell you.

We are finally letting her clean up her own mess. I guess that is a step in the right direction for us. I can't wait until I hear the "plan" she comes up with when she goes to DBT tomorrow.

Thanks for all of the replies.

~Kathy

 

[toughlovin]

I hope this was just a bump in the road for her, and that she is back on track. Good for you for letting her clean up her own mess.... its all a matter of baby steps for them and for us!!!

TL

 

[Nancy]

I'm so glad difficult child is getting back on track. It seems like she cycles into these moods and then when her back is up against the wall she makes all these threats and finally when she has a chance to come down she becomes more rational. There is a lot to work with there Kathy. You are doing a wonderful job of letting her be responsible for herself, you are there to help if she asks for help but you will not do the work. I applaud you. I am not sure I could do as well.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

Nancy, you are right. There are definitely cycles involved and I am even noticing it is seasonal. I guess that is the bipolar part of her diagnosis. I know that the DBT improvement will not be immediate and there will be slips and falls along the way but it is very hard to watch.

Exhausted, I have also read that it takes two years for the DBT to truly take hold and see real lasting change. I don't know if I can stand two more years of this.

 

[Signorina]

Kathy, crossing fingers for you and your daughter.