I have been hanging out here for a while as I watched my son spiral out of control. Let me give you a little background:
I am a single parent to an only child. His father was very absent throughout his life. I had to ask that he stop making token visits and empty promises once my son started acting out in response to his broken promises.
He was diagnoses with ADHD in elementary school but due to not thieving on the Adderall he was weaned off and seemed to be able to handle things normally until his teen years. When he reached his teens, he started to become very defiant. Speaking to other parents, this was all part of growing pains so I dealt with it and tried to et boundaries: If you want a car, you will need to work... etc.
Fast forward past high school graduation an college. He was doing very well as an honors student at a prestigious public University and I could not have been prouder. He was accepted into a year long study abroad program and received a fellowship for his studies. I could not be prouder as a parent. As a matter of fact, he loved his time abroad so much that it was hard convincing him to come back for the following fall classes. I could not afford to expense and additional year abroad.
Within two months of the new school year start senior, a once promising life was torn asunder. He was arrested on a felony invasion of privacy charge. Having no idea of the legalese of such a charge, I did not realize the gravity of the situation. I immediately sought out an attorney and attempted to start my son on the path to recovery from the damage that he had done to his own reputation. Problems are when he refused to follow the attorney's advice nor seek counseling although I provided him every resource I could from 200 miles away. He refused to change schools to be closer to home.
Fast forward 6 months and I get a Saturday morning phone call from his attorney notifying me that he was once again arrested for the same offense. This time, determined to get his the help he needs, I advised him that there would be no mommy bail. I received a call the following day from a bails bondsman demanding that I make good on the remainder of the bail or they would send him back to jail. Of course I was shocked as I had no idea that he would try getting himself out of jail knowing that he did not have the money. After consulting his attorney, I was advised it would be best to pay the remainder of the bail.
Needless to say his college career at this university was over. I dutifully went to fetch him and move him home, hoping against hope that he would see the need to get help. He did... at first. He got a job, was able to get a car as his therapist felt that the freedom it would provide might be helpful. The counselor stated that he cannot help his behavior and it is compulsive.
Just like feeling better after antibiotics, he stopped seeing his counselor. I started seeing signs that he may again be spiraling out of control. No matter what suggestions I made, they were always met with oversized hostility. This went on for months until I ha to get help for myself and seek a leave of absence from work. I begged his therapist to help me get him hospitalized or at least on medication.
Knowing that he was spiraling out of control (some of the things he was doing were bizarre to say the least). Having any suggestions that I made being met with abject hostility, I decided to take the 'Ok so if you won't do what I say, do what I do'. I started asking him to ride along with me to pick up thing from the psychiatrist's office. I made sure to announce that I had a counseling session. I started to restate my boundaries.
One bright Saturday morning I knew something was horribly wrong when my son pulled up behind my car in the driveway. I could see it on his face in my sideview mirror. Of course, he played it off. I asked him to help grab the groceries out of the car, which he did after a fashion but his heightened nervousness peaked my alarm system even more. He refused to answer my questions when I asked what was wrong. He just kept returning to my computer.
I had gone into my room when I though I heard a knock on the door but was unsure. I called out and asked if someone was at the door but got no answer. I heard the door open and close and, out of curiosity went to the door to see what was going on. There I saw my son being handcuffed and questioned by a police officer. Right then my world caved in. I was already more than 10K into his thing attempting to get him the help he needs and trust me, my income does not support this.
This s the third time this year he has been arrested on this charge and all three charges are felonies. His attorney suggests that I get him out on bail which at this point is 10K, get him into the hospital as well as a forensic exam. You may as well as me to stand on my head and spit nickels. I can do one or the other, not both.
Here is my case and I await wise words from those of you who have had the pain of dealing with a mentally ill child and face the decision to help or not to help.
I am a single parent to an only child. His father was very absent throughout his life. I had to ask that he stop making token visits and empty promises once my son started acting out in response to his broken promises.
He was diagnoses with ADHD in elementary school but due to not thieving on the Adderall he was weaned off and seemed to be able to handle things normally until his teen years. When he reached his teens, he started to become very defiant. Speaking to other parents, this was all part of growing pains so I dealt with it and tried to et boundaries: If you want a car, you will need to work... etc.
Fast forward past high school graduation an college. He was doing very well as an honors student at a prestigious public University and I could not have been prouder. He was accepted into a year long study abroad program and received a fellowship for his studies. I could not be prouder as a parent. As a matter of fact, he loved his time abroad so much that it was hard convincing him to come back for the following fall classes. I could not afford to expense and additional year abroad.
Within two months of the new school year start senior, a once promising life was torn asunder. He was arrested on a felony invasion of privacy charge. Having no idea of the legalese of such a charge, I did not realize the gravity of the situation. I immediately sought out an attorney and attempted to start my son on the path to recovery from the damage that he had done to his own reputation. Problems are when he refused to follow the attorney's advice nor seek counseling although I provided him every resource I could from 200 miles away. He refused to change schools to be closer to home.
Fast forward 6 months and I get a Saturday morning phone call from his attorney notifying me that he was once again arrested for the same offense. This time, determined to get his the help he needs, I advised him that there would be no mommy bail. I received a call the following day from a bails bondsman demanding that I make good on the remainder of the bail or they would send him back to jail. Of course I was shocked as I had no idea that he would try getting himself out of jail knowing that he did not have the money. After consulting his attorney, I was advised it would be best to pay the remainder of the bail.
Needless to say his college career at this university was over. I dutifully went to fetch him and move him home, hoping against hope that he would see the need to get help. He did... at first. He got a job, was able to get a car as his therapist felt that the freedom it would provide might be helpful. The counselor stated that he cannot help his behavior and it is compulsive.
Just like feeling better after antibiotics, he stopped seeing his counselor. I started seeing signs that he may again be spiraling out of control. No matter what suggestions I made, they were always met with oversized hostility. This went on for months until I ha to get help for myself and seek a leave of absence from work. I begged his therapist to help me get him hospitalized or at least on medication.
Knowing that he was spiraling out of control (some of the things he was doing were bizarre to say the least). Having any suggestions that I made being met with abject hostility, I decided to take the 'Ok so if you won't do what I say, do what I do'. I started asking him to ride along with me to pick up thing from the psychiatrist's office. I made sure to announce that I had a counseling session. I started to restate my boundaries.
One bright Saturday morning I knew something was horribly wrong when my son pulled up behind my car in the driveway. I could see it on his face in my sideview mirror. Of course, he played it off. I asked him to help grab the groceries out of the car, which he did after a fashion but his heightened nervousness peaked my alarm system even more. He refused to answer my questions when I asked what was wrong. He just kept returning to my computer.
I had gone into my room when I though I heard a knock on the door but was unsure. I called out and asked if someone was at the door but got no answer. I heard the door open and close and, out of curiosity went to the door to see what was going on. There I saw my son being handcuffed and questioned by a police officer. Right then my world caved in. I was already more than 10K into his thing attempting to get him the help he needs and trust me, my income does not support this.
This s the third time this year he has been arrested on this charge and all three charges are felonies. His attorney suggests that I get him out on bail which at this point is 10K, get him into the hospital as well as a forensic exam. You may as well as me to stand on my head and spit nickels. I can do one or the other, not both.
Here is my case and I await wise words from those of you who have had the pain of dealing with a mentally ill child and face the decision to help or not to help.
