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Cutting ties...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 731349" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa...you did make it right with your mother, who let you. You can not always make it right no matter WHAT you do. Take it from me. I took it on the chin hard and tried as hard as I could with both my Mother and my sister. All the hard work led to being kissed off from the grave by my mom ( who never considered my kids her grands and didn't meet the younger too) and repeated cut offs and police calls on my me by my sister.Remember, I did not break the law. Then she would decide when SHE missed me enough to contact ME again and I loved her so I allowed it. I loved her that much. Not until she said something that suddenly made me see how little my feelings and that of my family meant to her did I finally end the cycle. I am.64. Slow learner much? Remember, we spoke of all these things the first time we did our FOO threads! It is NOT you. You could have done nothing, other than agreed to anything your sister did or said, to shakily make it work. Wouldn't that have included trying to harm your mother when she was so.sick? Not everyone wins the FOO lottery. Even my sister knows how awful we were treated in childhood. Beyond that she chose to listen only to my mother....about me, about my father. I was at fault always as was my father. I saw more than her as the oldest. My mother was plenty at fault too. She was a huge agitator and had help from my grandmother. There is only one side if you won't hear the other and then realize that there are two sides to every story. Hey, my sister has her own reality of me and her (shug).</p><p></p><p>To me beyond thecops and cut offs, she would not let me talk about my pain with our mother. But she had listened to my mother. And I spent hours and years listening to HER pain about her abusive boyfriend. It was not recipricated. Perhaps she would say "she was my MOTHER so I didn't want to hear it." Well, I was her sister and she listened to crap about me. And she drew her own conclusions. Yet she wouldn't go away. Should I have kept allowing the cut offs, cops and lack of listening to me?</p><p></p><p>Copa, please don't feel guilty. I don't. You know you tried and needed to protect your mother from your sister when.she was ill and Sis was sniffing around for money and power. You DID do your best.</p><p></p><p>Our best isn't always enough with certain people in FOO. Every single person here knows how deeply you can love....the love you have for M and your son crackles off the pages.</p><p></p><p>Please remember that it takes two to make a relationship work. I am at fault somewhat in my relationships, but I didn't used cut offs and cops when I was angry. In the end, I can't risk that anymore. You can't risk your sisters wrath either. She did you a favor. Although it is a terrifying thought to have a disturbed sister who is also an attorney!!! Copa, how that must have hurt!</p><p></p><p>Much love and light.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 731349, member: 1550"] Copa...you did make it right with your mother, who let you. You can not always make it right no matter WHAT you do. Take it from me. I took it on the chin hard and tried as hard as I could with both my Mother and my sister. All the hard work led to being kissed off from the grave by my mom ( who never considered my kids her grands and didn't meet the younger too) and repeated cut offs and police calls on my me by my sister.Remember, I did not break the law. Then she would decide when SHE missed me enough to contact ME again and I loved her so I allowed it. I loved her that much. Not until she said something that suddenly made me see how little my feelings and that of my family meant to her did I finally end the cycle. I am.64. Slow learner much? Remember, we spoke of all these things the first time we did our FOO threads! It is NOT you. You could have done nothing, other than agreed to anything your sister did or said, to shakily make it work. Wouldn't that have included trying to harm your mother when she was so.sick? Not everyone wins the FOO lottery. Even my sister knows how awful we were treated in childhood. Beyond that she chose to listen only to my mother....about me, about my father. I was at fault always as was my father. I saw more than her as the oldest. My mother was plenty at fault too. She was a huge agitator and had help from my grandmother. There is only one side if you won't hear the other and then realize that there are two sides to every story. Hey, my sister has her own reality of me and her (shug). To me beyond thecops and cut offs, she would not let me talk about my pain with our mother. But she had listened to my mother. And I spent hours and years listening to HER pain about her abusive boyfriend. It was not recipricated. Perhaps she would say "she was my MOTHER so I didn't want to hear it." Well, I was her sister and she listened to crap about me. And she drew her own conclusions. Yet she wouldn't go away. Should I have kept allowing the cut offs, cops and lack of listening to me? Copa, please don't feel guilty. I don't. You know you tried and needed to protect your mother from your sister when.she was ill and Sis was sniffing around for money and power. You DID do your best. Our best isn't always enough with certain people in FOO. Every single person here knows how deeply you can love....the love you have for M and your son crackles off the pages. Please remember that it takes two to make a relationship work. I am at fault somewhat in my relationships, but I didn't used cut offs and cops when I was angry. In the end, I can't risk that anymore. You can't risk your sisters wrath either. She did you a favor. Although it is a terrifying thought to have a disturbed sister who is also an attorney!!! Copa, how that must have hurt! Much love and light. [/QUOTE]
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