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Family of Origin
Cutting ties...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 731370" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you swot for your kind, wise and loving post. Will write more later.</p><p></p><p>I want to right now make these couple comments. Am seeing a new therapist with a far different m.o. it is about energy and movement, not words. But she said this about my mom.</p><p></p><p>Nothing you ever did or could have done</p><p>would have been enough to her..</p><p></p><p>She was referring to her care. But really it was with everything.</p><p></p><p>What this meant to me is that I would have always been the fall guy to myself. Blaming myself that I did not do enough. Or did not do it well enough. Or was not enough. Like a version of the scapegoat but internalized. As long as I keep accepting this it will be self fulfiing. It as if I am a function, a verb, not a person. Like a shock absorber on a car.</p><p></p><p>Which as you describe your sister was (is) the same for you. There is no other thing to be done except to stop and say no. I am no longer a shock absorber. I am a human being.</p><p></p><p>Because there is no way to negotiate the role of a thing, a shock absorber.</p><p></p><p>New. Used. Broken . Repaired. As long as we negotiate from "shock absorber" we are less than human. And they will not accept us as fully human. With voice. Feelings. Integrity. Personhood.</p><p></p><p>I think that is why our relationships with our sisters can never ever work. To be in relationship is to be a thing to them. To this, you said no more.</p><p></p><p>Thank you swot.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 731370, member: 18958"] Thank you swot for your kind, wise and loving post. Will write more later. I want to right now make these couple comments. Am seeing a new therapist with a far different m.o. it is about energy and movement, not words. But she said this about my mom. Nothing you ever did or could have done would have been enough to her.. She was referring to her care. But really it was with everything. What this meant to me is that I would have always been the fall guy to myself. Blaming myself that I did not do enough. Or did not do it well enough. Or was not enough. Like a version of the scapegoat but internalized. As long as I keep accepting this it will be self fulfiing. It as if I am a function, a verb, not a person. Like a shock absorber on a car. Which as you describe your sister was (is) the same for you. There is no other thing to be done except to stop and say no. I am no longer a shock absorber. I am a human being. Because there is no way to negotiate the role of a thing, a shock absorber. New. Used. Broken . Repaired. As long as we negotiate from "shock absorber" we are less than human. And they will not accept us as fully human. With voice. Feelings. Integrity. Personhood. I think that is why our relationships with our sisters can never ever work. To be in relationship is to be a thing to them. To this, you said no more. Thank you swot. [/QUOTE]
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