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Daughter in abusive relationship
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 735203" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wish, maybe this story can help you a little.</p><p></p><p>My daughter's friend from childhood is trying to get out of an abusive relationship, but she has to be careful and it took her four years to want to leave.</p><p></p><p>She has always been extremely beautiful but very shy and hung around her house more than going out. My daughter was her bff until high school because she simply would not want to do anything. She cooked and cleaned at home. She had two horrible father figures though. One was her father who left her mother while Mom was pregnant with her and her stepdad started out nice then he hurt his back and lost his job and tried to commit suicide then staggered in the house all bloody. The friend and his little son were home, saw and we're terrified. Mom divorced him.</p><p></p><p>Mom and daughter, my own daughter reports, are like besties and I know well and love her mom. But she has had bad luck. Before losing his job stepdad was so great then he got verbally and physically abusive especially to this friend so Mom kicked him out and the suicide scenario happened. Fast forward.</p><p></p><p>Friend found a boyfriend, her first one, at 18. She moved in with him on his farm. He was adorable. He is abusive. He won't let her go anywhere without him. He follows her to make sure she isn't with another man.</p><p> Or he sends friends to make sure she is where she says she will be. He takes her phone and looks through it. He sleeps with a loaded gun when he thinks she might leave. I don't know if he has hit her or not, but after four years of Mom begging and being there, she wants to leave.</p><p></p><p>She has to be careful. And strategic. But she is planning with her Mom. And my daughter, who she is close to again, and my daughter knows a lot about domestic abuse from being in law enforcement. My daughter is loyal and I s staying close.</p><p></p><p>Friend hasn't left yet. The guns are a concern. But she is on her way out. And it took four years. She is already planning to finish college when she leaves. Her brain is ahead of being with him.</p><p> She sees her mother every day. They plan. Carefully.</p><p>Boyfriend so far is not aware and acting like his regular controlling self but no different.</p><p>It took Friend four years to want to leave.</p><p>But she will.</p><p>Your daughter will probably leave too. I am tired and it is late and I don't recall how old your daughter is or how long she has been with Jerk but I wanted to pass this on. Through all of this her Mother, like you, has had her back. This is what gives her the strength to say to herself "I am leaving when it's safe to go." She does not feel it is smart to directly confront him. But at least she is planning. She hates him now and just wants out.</p><p></p><p>I don't and never will understand why young or old women choose abusive men or don't leave right away when they realize just what they are like. But it's common. And it is also common for the woman to finally leave. Can the parents force it? You know it has to come from the person, not us. But once the abuser loses his prey, he is toast and it is a matter of time.</p><p>This friend is afraid of boyfriend going after her and her beloved mother and mother tells her not to worry about her but she isn't made that way. She cares. So the trick of leaving is longer than just leaving quickly.</p><p>But her head is not with him anymore and that's a good start. I forgot to ask my daughter if she thought of our domestic abuse shelter. I volunteered there and it is safe and helpful.</p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 735203, member: 1550"] Wish, maybe this story can help you a little. My daughter's friend from childhood is trying to get out of an abusive relationship, but she has to be careful and it took her four years to want to leave. She has always been extremely beautiful but very shy and hung around her house more than going out. My daughter was her bff until high school because she simply would not want to do anything. She cooked and cleaned at home. She had two horrible father figures though. One was her father who left her mother while Mom was pregnant with her and her stepdad started out nice then he hurt his back and lost his job and tried to commit suicide then staggered in the house all bloody. The friend and his little son were home, saw and we're terrified. Mom divorced him. Mom and daughter, my own daughter reports, are like besties and I know well and love her mom. But she has had bad luck. Before losing his job stepdad was so great then he got verbally and physically abusive especially to this friend so Mom kicked him out and the suicide scenario happened. Fast forward. Friend found a boyfriend, her first one, at 18. She moved in with him on his farm. He was adorable. He is abusive. He won't let her go anywhere without him. He follows her to make sure she isn't with another man. Or he sends friends to make sure she is where she says she will be. He takes her phone and looks through it. He sleeps with a loaded gun when he thinks she might leave. I don't know if he has hit her or not, but after four years of Mom begging and being there, she wants to leave. She has to be careful. And strategic. But she is planning with her Mom. And my daughter, who she is close to again, and my daughter knows a lot about domestic abuse from being in law enforcement. My daughter is loyal and I s staying close. Friend hasn't left yet. The guns are a concern. But she is on her way out. And it took four years. She is already planning to finish college when she leaves. Her brain is ahead of being with him. She sees her mother every day. They plan. Carefully. Boyfriend so far is not aware and acting like his regular controlling self but no different. It took Friend four years to want to leave. But she will. Your daughter will probably leave too. I am tired and it is late and I don't recall how old your daughter is or how long she has been with Jerk but I wanted to pass this on. Through all of this her Mother, like you, has had her back. This is what gives her the strength to say to herself "I am leaving when it's safe to go." She does not feel it is smart to directly confront him. But at least she is planning. She hates him now and just wants out. I don't and never will understand why young or old women choose abusive men or don't leave right away when they realize just what they are like. But it's common. And it is also common for the woman to finally leave. Can the parents force it? You know it has to come from the person, not us. But once the abuser loses his prey, he is toast and it is a matter of time. This friend is afraid of boyfriend going after her and her beloved mother and mother tells her not to worry about her but she isn't made that way. She cares. So the trick of leaving is longer than just leaving quickly. But her head is not with him anymore and that's a good start. I forgot to ask my daughter if she thought of our domestic abuse shelter. I volunteered there and it is safe and helpful. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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