daughter is attending AA meetings

[DaisyC1234]

So after the blow up and drunken fighting. My dad has since given the car back and she has attended 3 AA meetings. He is hopeful, I am too, especially for the girls.

His plan....
Buy her a cheap car to get from Point A to Point B (this will be the 3rd cheap car), put it under her name pay a couple of months of liability insurance. With a firm message of anything happens to this, that's it. It's all I got.

He may move her and the girls in with him, with a firm you need to get a job and work close to where we live. She loves working 30+ miles from any support.

I've come to realize that the less I know the better. There are certain things I do need to know, but most of it I don't. I can't control what my dad does, and it may develop into resentment later in life. His other grands are doing great, but she gets all the attention and cars.

I had the worst anxiety last night and just could not sleep. My dad has been staying with us off and on until they sell their home. I was babysitting the girls, my daughter said she would pick them up by 10:30 pm. So at 10:15 she says she on her way, then about 20 minutes later texted says the cops pulled her over due to the headlight being out (remember someone crashed into it while it was parked...that is the story). My dad said if I wanted to go to bed I could, so I did, but I kept thinking what if he lets her stay the night when I told her she could not or what if she doesn't show up at all...needles to say I am so tired today and none of the above happened...

I think a lot times I become a prisoner of my own thoughts and have a tendency to put myself in the middle. Please don't complain about someone else to me.... TELL THEM! I see my therapist next week and I can't wait. My assignment was to plan a trip for myself. Just plan it.

 

[WiseChoices]

I am happy to hear your daughter attended AA. That is great news! I hope she will stick with it. Meetings are medicine for the alcoholic.

You are right in that you are powerless over your Dad and over your daughter . And you showed yourself that worry did nothing other than keep you from sleeping. I like to turn the situation over to my higher power and then let it go, and see what I need in that moment . I will tell myself "you need your rest, go to sleep now". It's like the inner adult soothing the inner child. It's a practice, it takes time .Do you attend Al-Anon? Nothing has helped me more.

 

[skittles]

Anxiety! Oh how I know that feeling. We work ourselves up so much and often for nothing. I took a mindfulness course and found it really helps. By living in the moment instead of the future what ifs.

 

[DaisyC1234]

Do you attend Al-Anon? Nothing has helped me more.

I've been looking at some Al-Anon locations. What can I expect when I do go?

 

[BusynMember1]

The first time all you need to do is listen. There are no expectations of you. And, as I said, the hard and fast rule is anyamynity (I can't spell this).

 

[JayPee]

Daisy, I'm glad you're thinking about Al anon. I recall 3 yrs. ago when I began the program I thought they were going to hand me a list of do's and dont's to keep my then husband (who was in a 30 day rehab) sober. Boy, was I wrong. The whole program is all about YOU. Making changes with the tools and suggestions they offer in Al anon. No one will ever force you to do anything and or give direct advice. The meetings are where we share our strength, courage and hope. They often suggest you try at least 6 meetings so that you can get a feel for how different meetings are run and find a "home" group that fits best for you.

The program will work to the degree you work it.

I encourage you to go. It has helped me tremendously, not just with the ex-husband but also with my adult sons and all their issues. It's stuff you can apply to all aspects of your life.

 

[Acacia]

The thing I'd chime in about twelve step meetings is that if you're lucky enough to live in an area with multiple meetings, try a few to see which one seems a good fit for you. For me, in a healthy meeting there is no crosstalk, which means members don't comment, give advice, etc. about anyone's sharing during the meeting. That doesn't mean you can't ask for feedback after a meeting. This rule is sacred to me. There should be no judgment.

Try to go to at least six meetings before you make any decision about whether a meeting is for you. Coda (codependent's anonymous) 12 steo also focuses on boundaries and healthy relationships.

I've been attending 12 step for 20 years. I still have much to learn, but it has changed my life for the better, and I use the steps in all aspects of my life in general.

Last thing - I'm reading a good book called Growing Yourself Up, because ultimately the only person we can change is ourselves.
All the best to you.

 

[louise2350]

I, too, suffer sometimes with the worrying and have been for many years. But, for some reason lately, when I find myself in this state of mind, I tell myself I can't control anyone and let it go. It feels so good to do this. I don't know why it took me so long to learn this. Also, I've learned the less I know, the better off I am too. Take care.

 

[RN0441]

The first time I went I just sat and cried my eyes out!

It is great support.

In the end, it wasn't for me - I found that one on one therapy was best for me but we are all different.

Glad that you found something that gives you peace/hope/comfort.