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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 721922" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>ahhh the wisdom of this.......</p><p>LBL, as hard as this is, it will get better. As you work through the grief and the fog of it, it will get better.</p><p>I have my good days and not so good, but I don't allow myself to sink <em>too far</em> into the abyss, it is a dishonor to me and to my two.</p><p>It is writing the end to the story.</p><p>For where there is life, there is hope and even though it has been a long road for my two, I still have hope that one day they will see their true potential.</p><p></p><p>It is not in the way, dear, it is a process that we must go through.</p><p>Though the grief of this is hard, your son is young and has much to learn, and you are teaching him a valuable lesson of self worth.</p><p>By not allowing your son to continue to disrespect you and your husband and the sanctity of your home, you are teaching him.</p><p>It feels contrary to everything we have done for our young adult children to show them the door and when we do, all of those memories we cling to come flooding over us.</p><p>Thats okay.</p><p>In the throes of dealing with the chaos at home, we are gaslighted, caught up in the swirly whirly, sleepless nights, anxiety, depression, that is what I meant by looking back-seeing a synchronistic tailspin with my two.</p><p>It simply has to stop.</p><p>Someone has to be the adult and say no more.</p><p></p><p>If you can't follow the rules, there is the door.</p><p></p><p>Then, the house is quiet, and you are left with your thoughts, the grief and the shoulda, coulda woulda's.</p><p></p><p>Be kind and gentle to yourself.</p><p>You are battle worn.</p><p>Though you said your son has not been violent, he <em>has violated your home, your trust and your heart. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>That, is<em> unacceptable.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>You have value and worth. By understanding that and drawing boundary lines, you are showing your son by your word and actions that he does, too.</p><p></p><p>I have to keep reminding myself that I must live well. I truly believe that by picking myself up, gritting my teeth, carrying on, striving to live the best rest of my life, I am showing my children that they can, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Ouch, that was fast. When Rain left at 18, she went silent. She is stubborn. Years of the revolving door syndrome (in and out of the house) I had to learn. Came home after work to find her homeless friends partying up in my back yard.</p><p>That is the last thing you need, a bunch of lost, no conscience drug friends knowing where you live.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong LBL. There will probably be more messages. The only way these d c's learn is by understanding and living the consequences of their choices.</p><p></p><p>You can do this, one day, one minute, one step at a time.</p><p></p><p>Honor your feelings, cry if you must, and when you feel up to it, start to build your toolbox. Keep posting. Though I took a break, this site and the wisdom, kindness and understanding here has been and is a lifeline for me.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs to you warrior sister.</p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 721922, member: 19522"] ahhh the wisdom of this....... LBL, as hard as this is, it will get better. As you work through the grief and the fog of it, it will get better. I have my good days and not so good, but I don't allow myself to sink [I]too far[/I] into the abyss, it is a dishonor to me and to my two. It is writing the end to the story. For where there is life, there is hope and even though it has been a long road for my two, I still have hope that one day they will see their true potential. It is not in the way, dear, it is a process that we must go through. Though the grief of this is hard, your son is young and has much to learn, and you are teaching him a valuable lesson of self worth. By not allowing your son to continue to disrespect you and your husband and the sanctity of your home, you are teaching him. It feels contrary to everything we have done for our young adult children to show them the door and when we do, all of those memories we cling to come flooding over us. Thats okay. In the throes of dealing with the chaos at home, we are gaslighted, caught up in the swirly whirly, sleepless nights, anxiety, depression, that is what I meant by looking back-seeing a synchronistic tailspin with my two. It simply has to stop. Someone has to be the adult and say no more. If you can't follow the rules, there is the door. Then, the house is quiet, and you are left with your thoughts, the grief and the shoulda, coulda woulda's. Be kind and gentle to yourself. You are battle worn. Though you said your son has not been violent, he [I]has violated your home, your trust and your heart. [/I] That, is[I] unacceptable. [/I] You have value and worth. By understanding that and drawing boundary lines, you are showing your son by your word and actions that he does, too. I have to keep reminding myself that I must live well. I truly believe that by picking myself up, gritting my teeth, carrying on, striving to live the best rest of my life, I am showing my children that they can, too. Ouch, that was fast. When Rain left at 18, she went silent. She is stubborn. Years of the revolving door syndrome (in and out of the house) I had to learn. Came home after work to find her homeless friends partying up in my back yard. That is the last thing you need, a bunch of lost, no conscience drug friends knowing where you live. Stay strong LBL. There will probably be more messages. The only way these d c's learn is by understanding and living the consequences of their choices. You can do this, one day, one minute, one step at a time. Honor your feelings, cry if you must, and when you feel up to it, start to build your toolbox. Keep posting. Though I took a break, this site and the wisdom, kindness and understanding here has been and is a lifeline for me. Big hugs to you warrior sister. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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