BrokenheartedMum
New Member
I need help with several things concerning my son:
1. Figuring out what is wrong with him.
2. Having the right words to use when we talk.
3. Getting him to go to a counselor.
The first step, though, is figuring out what to do next with him, since he has once again shut me out with rude language. "Do not reach out to me, even on social media. I hate you, you f#%!ing witch!" So, my dilemma is to honor that until he comes around (IF he comes around) or reaching out like normal, apologizing, and starting the cycle again....
He alternates between calling me multiple times a day (6-12 or more) venting and complaining, because the smallest things send him into a tailspin and shutting me out completely. I am his cheerleader. He often says things like "I wish I had never been born", "I feel empty"....This is why I always make myself available to talk. I always mention that he could benefit from a counselor, and he always says, "I will NEVER get help!" I tell him that he is being unfair to me, because he is using me as his counselor and then getting angry when I say the wrong thing, because I talk as his Mom and not a counselor. Anyway, every conversation I have to walk on eggshells, because he sets off easily. When that happens (about every couple of months), he says things like "It's on now" and "I will never forget this." Then he ends up cursing and telling me he never wants to speak to me again! (Usually with lots of f*#! Yous and calling me the worst mother, etc. )
In the past, I have always waited a week or two to let him cool down, and then I reach out. I have to do lots of talking and saying I am sorry for hurting his feelings for it to get back on track. (Even though what I did wrong in his MIND was something like: Tell him I have to hang up now because I am meeting a friend for dinner or when asked how to handle a situation not answer with what HE wants to hear). I feel like POSSIBLY if I follow through and honor his wish to not communicate with him any longer, in the absence of his only support system, he will get some professional help. I worry, of course, that he won't do that, and he will get worse and worse.
What should I do? He is a 29 year old college graduate with a full time job supporting himself, but privately he is so sad and miserable with really no friends. He is competitive with everyone and he feels like everyone "disrespects" him, so this makes it hard to keep friends. He spends every minute after work running, working out, and playing his guitar, which sound like great hobbies, but they are not hobbies but more sources of stress. If he can't run the 20 miles he planned to do, he beats himself up. He will do 400 pull-ups until his hands are bleeding. If he posts a music video and not enough people "like" it, he feels like a failure. Everything he does is to "prove" himself.
He feels it began in high school when he was bullied by his lifelong friends. Then he went to college with big plans to study medicine. When he couldn't make the 4.0 necessary for this, he shifted gears and cannot come to terms with this. He constantly says he wants to "make us proud", and his Dad and I tell him we ARE proud! We just can't wait for the day He feels proud!
Every family gathering is tense with him because he gets his feelings hurt so easily. If he calls and I am with my grandkids (age 4 and 1), he gets jealous. It is all about him all the time! I guess if I knew what we were dealing with, I would know how to handle it better. I have been treating it like depression, but sometimes I am not sure.
He is super handsome, physically fit, athletic, wonderful at his job, and hilariously funny (used to be; rarely now—these days intense is a better descriptor), but he feels worthless all the time.
This was long winded. Sorry! Any advice would be great! Thanks in advance!
1. Figuring out what is wrong with him.
2. Having the right words to use when we talk.
3. Getting him to go to a counselor.
The first step, though, is figuring out what to do next with him, since he has once again shut me out with rude language. "Do not reach out to me, even on social media. I hate you, you f#%!ing witch!" So, my dilemma is to honor that until he comes around (IF he comes around) or reaching out like normal, apologizing, and starting the cycle again....
He alternates between calling me multiple times a day (6-12 or more) venting and complaining, because the smallest things send him into a tailspin and shutting me out completely. I am his cheerleader. He often says things like "I wish I had never been born", "I feel empty"....This is why I always make myself available to talk. I always mention that he could benefit from a counselor, and he always says, "I will NEVER get help!" I tell him that he is being unfair to me, because he is using me as his counselor and then getting angry when I say the wrong thing, because I talk as his Mom and not a counselor. Anyway, every conversation I have to walk on eggshells, because he sets off easily. When that happens (about every couple of months), he says things like "It's on now" and "I will never forget this." Then he ends up cursing and telling me he never wants to speak to me again! (Usually with lots of f*#! Yous and calling me the worst mother, etc. )
In the past, I have always waited a week or two to let him cool down, and then I reach out. I have to do lots of talking and saying I am sorry for hurting his feelings for it to get back on track. (Even though what I did wrong in his MIND was something like: Tell him I have to hang up now because I am meeting a friend for dinner or when asked how to handle a situation not answer with what HE wants to hear). I feel like POSSIBLY if I follow through and honor his wish to not communicate with him any longer, in the absence of his only support system, he will get some professional help. I worry, of course, that he won't do that, and he will get worse and worse.
What should I do? He is a 29 year old college graduate with a full time job supporting himself, but privately he is so sad and miserable with really no friends. He is competitive with everyone and he feels like everyone "disrespects" him, so this makes it hard to keep friends. He spends every minute after work running, working out, and playing his guitar, which sound like great hobbies, but they are not hobbies but more sources of stress. If he can't run the 20 miles he planned to do, he beats himself up. He will do 400 pull-ups until his hands are bleeding. If he posts a music video and not enough people "like" it, he feels like a failure. Everything he does is to "prove" himself.
He feels it began in high school when he was bullied by his lifelong friends. Then he went to college with big plans to study medicine. When he couldn't make the 4.0 necessary for this, he shifted gears and cannot come to terms with this. He constantly says he wants to "make us proud", and his Dad and I tell him we ARE proud! We just can't wait for the day He feels proud!
Every family gathering is tense with him because he gets his feelings hurt so easily. If he calls and I am with my grandkids (age 4 and 1), he gets jealous. It is all about him all the time! I guess if I knew what we were dealing with, I would know how to handle it better. I have been treating it like depression, but sometimes I am not sure.
He is super handsome, physically fit, athletic, wonderful at his job, and hilariously funny (used to be; rarely now—these days intense is a better descriptor), but he feels worthless all the time.
This was long winded. Sorry! Any advice would be great! Thanks in advance!
