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Depressed and discouraged vent. Self-pity warning
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 533715"><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/flowers.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":flowers:" title="flowers :flowers:" data-shortname=":flowers:" /></p><p></p><p>There must be something in the air...lots of us are having a tough few days. So much of what your wrote were in the same spirit and the same words of things I said to my husband as we sat outside last night. I am not sure if you want a pity party - or some words of encouragement. My instinct is to commiserate with you...because although our situations are very different on the surface; I feel the "is it worth it?" sentiment to the very core of my being. I believed that I could make the difference in the life of my children. That unconditional love with good intentions could overcome any ill will that life sent their way. That in the end we would be a family who could always rely upon each other. That being a good mom was a guarantee in the end. (And they are flesh of my flesh, loved and wanted from the day they were conceived; they had no obstacle to overcome, I have no one to blame but myself) And then I remember that phrase "man plans; God laughs"</p><p></p><p>And I really wonder if it was all worth it. And I look at my pcs and wonder when or if they will turn away from us too. And I always believed that there would be a time in our lives where H and I could RELAX and know that our kids were happy and healthy and SAFE and we would be free from the nagging worries and hurts that crowd the back of our minds. And now I realize that day may not come. If difficult child fails to come back to us, there will always be a hole. Even if we can manage to ignore it for days or weeks on end. It may scab, but it won't heal without him being back and SAFE. And that is totally out of my control. I tried so hard and it doesn't matter. AND I HATE IT. IT'S NOT FAIR. </p><p></p><p>And then I try to remember that our story is done being written yet. And if this is the best it can be, I need to let it be. If I change who I am or let the bitterness become a part of me - then I am making it worse. So, YES I don't like where I am right now but I can't change that. The only thing I can do is embrace you and hold your hand and we can lean on each other. Because we are not alone. And that counts. And we are here because we are d@mn good mothers who CARE. And I would rather be a good person and sad than the type of mom who doesn't care. So maybe that love and caring was wasted on our difficult children - but being loving mothers wasn't wasted on us. I don't know -- all I know is that you've been there for me so many many times, your words and your sharing kept me from falling into deep despair. So, I thank you. And you mean a lot to me. And I honor and look up to the wonderful mother you are to your kids. {{{hugs}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 533715"] :flowers: There must be something in the air...lots of us are having a tough few days. So much of what your wrote were in the same spirit and the same words of things I said to my husband as we sat outside last night. I am not sure if you want a pity party - or some words of encouragement. My instinct is to commiserate with you...because although our situations are very different on the surface; I feel the "is it worth it?" sentiment to the very core of my being. I believed that I could make the difference in the life of my children. That unconditional love with good intentions could overcome any ill will that life sent their way. That in the end we would be a family who could always rely upon each other. That being a good mom was a guarantee in the end. (And they are flesh of my flesh, loved and wanted from the day they were conceived; they had no obstacle to overcome, I have no one to blame but myself) And then I remember that phrase "man plans; God laughs" And I really wonder if it was all worth it. And I look at my pcs and wonder when or if they will turn away from us too. And I always believed that there would be a time in our lives where H and I could RELAX and know that our kids were happy and healthy and SAFE and we would be free from the nagging worries and hurts that crowd the back of our minds. And now I realize that day may not come. If difficult child fails to come back to us, there will always be a hole. Even if we can manage to ignore it for days or weeks on end. It may scab, but it won't heal without him being back and SAFE. And that is totally out of my control. I tried so hard and it doesn't matter. AND I HATE IT. IT'S NOT FAIR. And then I try to remember that our story is done being written yet. And if this is the best it can be, I need to let it be. If I change who I am or let the bitterness become a part of me - then I am making it worse. So, YES I don't like where I am right now but I can't change that. The only thing I can do is embrace you and hold your hand and we can lean on each other. Because we are not alone. And that counts. And we are here because we are d@mn good mothers who CARE. And I would rather be a good person and sad than the type of mom who doesn't care. So maybe that love and caring was wasted on our difficult children - but being loving mothers wasn't wasted on us. I don't know -- all I know is that you've been there for me so many many times, your words and your sharing kept me from falling into deep despair. So, I thank you. And you mean a lot to me. And I honor and look up to the wonderful mother you are to your kids. {{{hugs}}} [/QUOTE]
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Depressed and discouraged vent. Self-pity warning
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