Developments with difficult child

[Estherfromjerusalem]

I am pleased with how things have worked out. In my heart I knew that he would come round, but I didn't realise it would be so fast.

difficult child seems to have accepted the fact that I don't want him back home. He is speaking to me again -- and his attitude to me seems to be slightly better than before. We are back to our previous situation, which is that he and his girlfriend pop in here very often, they bring me their laundry (which was part of our original agreement). It is nice for them to come here because difficult child's older brother (only about 15 months older) who lives at home is often here with his girlfriend, so they are a sort of gang of friends which is very nice. I really like difficult child's girlfriend, and I see that she really loves him.

So there you are. I wanted you all to know that we are back to our previous modus vivendi. I really did take to heart your (plural) advice that this will just force him to grow, and he seems to have moved one little notch further on that road. So thank you all for your support. It really does make a difference belonging here to the "family." It gives me strength.

Love, Esther

 

[Hound dog]

Esther I'm glad difficult child came around so fast this time. Good for him, and very good for you.

Hugs

 

[standswithcourage]

Yes good Esther. Hang in there!

 

[Fran]

Wonderful news that difficult child has moved forward a notch. You helped him by setting the boundary. What's good for you is good for the whole family.

 

[susiestar]

I am glad things worked out so well so quickly. Thank you for letting us know how things progressed.

I think his improved attitude toward you stems from your telling him you don't want him to move home. You stood up for yourself and ignored his reaction. YOU respected yourself and your boundaries, and so HE learned to respect you more.

It is truly cool when you can see improved self-respect lead to our difficult children respecting us more, isn't it?

Many hugs to all of you.

Esther, Jessie and I BOTH still use the bookmarks you gave us when we met at Fran's house. I always smile and think of you when I open my Bible and see it. It makes Jessie feel special to know that I have a friend in Jerusalem.

 

[Suz]

Esther, when Rob was younger he used to tell me I was "too nice." He didn't "respect" anyone who was too nice and was always testing me. Our kids have such a goofy way of looking at things that one has to wonder if your son isn't secretly pleased that you said NO to him, and that you said it with conviction. Something to think about anyway.

I'm glad it worked out.

Suz

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Thank you everyone. You really are wonderful friends to have.

Love, Esther

 

[Lori4ever]

I'm so glad it's worked out well for all of you! That's awesome!

 

[standswithcourage]

I went to an AA meeting once and one of the guys there told me what helped him the most was when his mother turned him away. He got thrown out of a rehab place and wound up on her doorstep with his clothes and all and she told him he couldnt stay there. So he left and went to the salvation army and his testimony said that was the best thing anyone could ever do for him. So I guess I should take my own advice and do it. You did and that is great.

 

[trinityroyal]

Wow, Esther, that's wonderful.

This is a testament to the "love" part of tough love. With so many of our difficult children, getting tough with them seems to be the best way to show that we love them.

Trinity

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

OK, I had to look up modus vivendi ("way of life")!

As everyone has been saying, this is a great step forward and shows the effectiveness of setting firm boundaries and sticking to them. The board helped support you, and your success story in turn gives support to the rest of us.

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

I love all of you -- this board truly has a real role to play in my life, and HereWeGoAgain put it so accurately.

Mind you, don't think that he has changed or become an angel or something. He is still the same loud-mouthed disturbance whenever he pops in (very often, much too often actually). But what is great is that I WON ONE ROUND.

Love, Esther