Did I do okay?

[carolanne]

Thephone rang tonight and it was Jess on the other end completely hysterical....seems her boyfriend tried to kill himself today and she was flipping out.

I told her there wasn't anything I could do to help and that I needed to hang up because of the restraining order. She said she wished she was dead and that I was useless and hung up.

I called that really nice officer and he three-wayed a call to the home. Apparently, she has been on complete lockdown with no contact with boyfriend due to her attitude/stealing/lying/etc etc etc.

The boyfriend is in hospital after attempting suicide today....difficult child was on the phone with him when he did it and she is a mess right now.

She wants to come back home now....as the officer explained though that was only because of the lockdown where she is with no contact with that idiot. He also said she isn't sincere when apologizing and that he will enforce the no contact order.

I wanted to say yes please come home but than my head kicked in....it's not safe for me or the other kids here when she lives with us. She only wants to come home as we live quite close to the hospital and she would come and go as she pleases to see him.

So I am standing firm....hurts like the dickens but Iam doing it...this was the right move right ladies?

Carolanne

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> the officer sounds like a very wise man!

you did very well.

the officer is absolutely right. the only reason she is begging to come home is because she's uncomfortable where she is now. i hope someone somewhere will hold her responsible for her behaviors. change only happens when it becomes too uncomfortable to stay the same.

stay strong. don't let her come home. she'd only bring all the chaos with-her.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[Suz]

Carolanne, that must have been a very difficult call and you had very difficult decisions to make. I'm so proud of you. You were right to contact the officer and to respect the restraining order.

You did great. :thumb:

Suz

 

[ScentofCedar]

You did everything just right, carolanne.

How will you handle it if difficult child continues to call, or shows up at your door?

(Thinking through the worst case scenario helps me respond more appropriately when difficult child has pushed it to crisis mode.)

FYI: PE archives contain a thread with suggested responses for us to use with our difficult children. I used to have that printed out beside the telephone, so I could remember what I needed to say.

Another thing that helped me was to remember that I was not asking my difficult child to accomplish the impossible. Through the suggestion of one of the moms here (Sunny Florida), I found a picture of young soldiers fighting in Iraq and taped that to the wall beside the phone.

These things helped me to be stronger than I would otherwise have been in dealing with difficult child.

I know it's hard, carolanne. Keep posting through it.

You never know. Maybe this time your difficult child will get it and change her ways.

Barbara

:warrior: :warrior: :warrior: :warrior: :princess: :warrior: :warrior:

 

[carolanne]

I thought long and hard about how to handle any more calls or even a visit....the phone is easy, just say I am respecting the restraining order and hang up nicely...it helps to keep a smile on my face so my tone can't be hounded on...as for the visit...I will call the police and the home and have her picked up....

My heart screams when I read that but at this point I can't do much else. I don't want to cave...all that will teach her is that it's okay to treat mom like dirt.

I don't think she will use this instance to change....it's the first time really that I haven't been in her corner to smooth things over and tell her "we" will get through it....she's standing alone right now and I bet that is scarey as all getout...

I am detaching detaching detaching....now where is that tub of ice cream? lol

Carolanne

 

[SunnyFlorida]

You did fantastic!

Here's your permission to find that ice cream. Is it Bluebell or Breyers or something special?

 

[ScentofCedar]

Just stopping by to let you know we are still here with you.

Barbara