Did raising a difficult child completely skew your emotional reponses?
- Thread starter slsh
- Start date
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I wonder if there is a place for all of us because obviously we arent normal. I think maybe RI might be big enough to fit!
Steely
Active Member
RI? Are you kidding?
Texas wouldn't be big enough.
If you want an island, then try Australia... maybe.
<sorry Marg... not trying to invade or anything...
>
dashcat
Member
My family Foo and extended family is difficult child-free. I had one nephew who went through a rebellion at 17 and dropped out of HS and started using drugs. He got the tough love boot, and straighened his life out pretty darned fast. He is as close as I've gotten ...and he isn't a difficult child. This is a strange, new world to me. Adaptation has not come naturally.
I had to work like heck for any semblence of neutrality. I've been on a rollercoaster of skewed responses.
How has it changed me? It's made me more compassionate. I no longer sigh at the antics of what I now know to be difficult children and wonder why the parents just don't "do something". Conversely, when I get that response I try to remember how it was to be on the outside looking in with unintentional judgement.
Three year ago, you would have had to pick me up off the floor in response to some of my difficult children situations, and in a great deal of what I've read here ... now I just put it in my mental difficult child box and go on.
Small victories are huge.
Most things that used to matter don't. Wish I'd known they never did.
The expression "it could be worse" alternately infuriates me and causes me to nod inwardly and say "yep".
I've been forced to give up my Polyanna ways.
I refer to my epidermis and my rhinocepidermis..
I forgive far more easily because I know how fragile and uncertain tomorrow really is.
Dash
I had to work like heck for any semblence of neutrality. I've been on a rollercoaster of skewed responses.
How has it changed me? It's made me more compassionate. I no longer sigh at the antics of what I now know to be difficult children and wonder why the parents just don't "do something". Conversely, when I get that response I try to remember how it was to be on the outside looking in with unintentional judgement.
Three year ago, you would have had to pick me up off the floor in response to some of my difficult children situations, and in a great deal of what I've read here ... now I just put it in my mental difficult child box and go on.
Small victories are huge.
Most things that used to matter don't. Wish I'd known they never did.
The expression "it could be worse" alternately infuriates me and causes me to nod inwardly and say "yep".
I've been forced to give up my Polyanna ways.
I refer to my epidermis and my rhinocepidermis..
I forgive far more easily because I know how fragile and uncertain tomorrow really is.
Dash
T
toughlovin
Guest
Great thread... I just had the chance to read through it all. What we are all talking about are responses to trauma... and some of us, maybe all of us, dealing with our difficult children and some of what they are done have had some pretty traumatic experiences.
In my professional life I work with trauma.... and then with all the stuff going on with difficult child I was getting to the point where i wasn't sure i could keep on in my job because I felt like my work life dealt with trauma, and then when i came home I was also dealing with trauma. I finally went to my boss and I have cut my hours because i need time to just not be dealing with so much trauma. I just couldn't do it anymore. difficult child is no longer living here and so when I come home I can relax (except when of course some new thing happens with him that I am worried about). Anyway cutting my hours did ME a world of good.
When things are calmer in my life then I can be pretty neutral and seem very even keeled.... when I am in the midst of worry or trauma then I let my emotions take over... and not always in pleasant ways. So like Steely I just feel a heightened sense of everything and am much more likely to overreact.
Luckily my husband is a very calm guy and has learned to handle my overreactions....
TL
In my professional life I work with trauma.... and then with all the stuff going on with difficult child I was getting to the point where i wasn't sure i could keep on in my job because I felt like my work life dealt with trauma, and then when i came home I was also dealing with trauma. I finally went to my boss and I have cut my hours because i need time to just not be dealing with so much trauma. I just couldn't do it anymore. difficult child is no longer living here and so when I come home I can relax (except when of course some new thing happens with him that I am worried about). Anyway cutting my hours did ME a world of good.
When things are calmer in my life then I can be pretty neutral and seem very even keeled.... when I am in the midst of worry or trauma then I let my emotions take over... and not always in pleasant ways. So like Steely I just feel a heightened sense of everything and am much more likely to overreact.
Luckily my husband is a very calm guy and has learned to handle my overreactions....
TL
N
Nomad
Guest
Sue, I'm so sorry that you've been hurting.
Yes, I can relate.
Years ago, I often found myself drained, sensitive and anxious. Then...I think it was more of the flat affect that you described.
I have often felt isolated by this, but have come to realize that many more families than what appears on the surface have to deal/cope with a difficult child in their midst.
I still sometimes struggle with certain things, but not nearly as much as before.
One a positive note...Having a difficult child has made me more empathetic toward others. (Love your quote!)
I too have gone to counseling from time and time and have found it very helpful. The right therapist can be such a blessing.
AFter I made the decision to let go of certain things and to practice top notch self care, my life blossomed in a VERY positive way.
Sending you good thoughts for strength and MUCH happiness! Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I can relate.
Years ago, I often found myself drained, sensitive and anxious. Then...I think it was more of the flat affect that you described.
I have often felt isolated by this, but have come to realize that many more families than what appears on the surface have to deal/cope with a difficult child in their midst.
I still sometimes struggle with certain things, but not nearly as much as before.
One a positive note...Having a difficult child has made me more empathetic toward others. (Love your quote!)
I too have gone to counseling from time and time and have found it very helpful. The right therapist can be such a blessing.
AFter I made the decision to let go of certain things and to practice top notch self care, my life blossomed in a VERY positive way.
Sending you good thoughts for strength and MUCH happiness! Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am completely shut down, I don't show much emotion at all. Bad for my husband though because it's not his fault. I didn't used to be like that but years of emotional abnuse from my difficult child and having to get a restrainig order did me in. Not sure when, or if, I will get myself together....
Good luck.
Good luck.
Similar threads
