BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Pinch me. I'm still in shock.
37 has been nicer to me since I set boundaries, but all that was blown today. I'm going to try to re-create the conversation we had. Not only is he bizarrely trying to force me to say things I don't feel (which he often does), but it was one of the strangest conversations I've ever had with anyone. Of course, I should be used to Bizarre Land with him, but each time it happens, I'm shocked all over again. The conversation is abbreviated and not word-for-word.
The back story is that 37 has a new squeeze. It has lasted a whole week this time, which is a lot for him, and he is obnoxiously whiny when he is alone, but this woman has no downside that he can think of so far. And she sounds TERRIFIC. And last I talked to him, she was still sounding terrific. Also, you need to know that tomorrow I'll be at the hospital all day, taking an MRI, labs, having surgical socks fitted and talking to doctor, so I'm sort of distracted.
Him: ...So I really didn't want to stay at Susie's house so I made some excuse and came home (Susie is a fake name). I mean, I was with her all week at my house and that was ok, but you know I don't like going to other people's houses. I don't know how it's going to go if I have to keep going there.
Me: (thinking it's another normal, crazy conversation, but not mean) Oh, well, it will be hard to find somebody who just wants to go to YOUR house. You know how it is. You can't have 100% of what you want, but she sounds really nice.
Him: Are you saying if I break up with her there won't be anyone else???? If so, that's very negative and I hate negativity.
Me: Break up with her?
Him: Stop being so negative. (Sarcasm here, but it's true. He didn't say it, but it's true). Just because every girl I've met so far has had issues I couldn't deal with doesn't mean I won't meet somebody who has no issues at all!!!! You're being negative.
Me: How am I being negative? You can't expect anyone to just go to your house every time she sees you. (I didn't say this, but he doesn't ever take anyone out on a date).
Him: That's what I mean! It's NEGATIVE!
Me: (Getting irritated, but calm) It's not negative. It's realistic.
Him: D&*% your realism! Realism is negativity!!! And I have no support system at all except you and you're always so negative!
Me: Realism isn't negativity.
Him: It's saying I will never find anyone.
Me: I didn't say that. I meant that if you don't ever want to visit somebody else, it may be really hard to find someone.
Him: I HATE THIS NEGATIVITY! I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT RIGHT NOW!
Me: 37, you are a man now and you have to decide what you do with your girlfriends. I just offered an opinion.
Him: THAT'S SO HORRIBLE! I HAVE TOLD PEOPLE THAT YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE I'M ALMOST 40 YEARS OLD YOU WON'T SUPPORT ME ANYMORE AND THEY ALL THINK IT'S UNBELIEVABLE THAT YOU WON'T SUPPORT YOUR OWN SON. THEY'RE SHOCKED THAT MY OWN MOTHER WILL NOT SUPPORT HER SON!
Me: Look, I have stuff going on right now. You know that and I...
(He disconnects)
Not a word about my day at the hospital tomorrow. He probably forgot.
I usually go radio silent after a ridiculoous conversation like that and a hangup, but this really bugged me so I texted him. I feel dumb that I did it, but I did. "That was mean. I'm have surgery and you hang up because you don't think I matter as much as you do. I'm lucky the other kids and Tom care. That was selfish. Call me and either be nice or wait until the surgery is over. I can't play hang up games right now. Thanks!" (Wow, what a whiny thing to text to him. I'm so sorry that I did. But, hey, I can out-whine him and it's not bad that he had to read MY whine, is it?) I do feel silly for sending anything though.
He didn't respond.
Good.
I wish I could take the text back and just go silent.
I am still reeling. Yes, we have had bizarro conversations like that one before. It's not a first. But this one rated as one of the craziest ever. He has done his negativity crapola before though. The gist of it is, I can only say things he wants to hear, even if I don't believe what I say, and even if they are ridiculous. That is his idea of my supporting him. Honestly, it's just like a very young child might feel. But he thinks like a very young child. You'd be amazed to know his IQ.
Oh, well, the woman is likely way too nice to have to deal with him.
Since 37 has never apologized for being a jerk in his entire life, I don't expect it now so maybe I can have some days free of nonsensical phone calls until after my surgery on Feb. 24th. You know, although I expect it, it still hurts that he doesn't care about the surgery, even though it is probably going to be very routine. Both Sonic and Jumper offered to be there and Julie would come up if she didn't have the baby. 37? He won't even remember when it is.
IF I see his name come up on my phone, he is on a long time out right now.
37 has been nicer to me since I set boundaries, but all that was blown today. I'm going to try to re-create the conversation we had. Not only is he bizarrely trying to force me to say things I don't feel (which he often does), but it was one of the strangest conversations I've ever had with anyone. Of course, I should be used to Bizarre Land with him, but each time it happens, I'm shocked all over again. The conversation is abbreviated and not word-for-word.
The back story is that 37 has a new squeeze. It has lasted a whole week this time, which is a lot for him, and he is obnoxiously whiny when he is alone, but this woman has no downside that he can think of so far. And she sounds TERRIFIC. And last I talked to him, she was still sounding terrific. Also, you need to know that tomorrow I'll be at the hospital all day, taking an MRI, labs, having surgical socks fitted and talking to doctor, so I'm sort of distracted.
Him: ...So I really didn't want to stay at Susie's house so I made some excuse and came home (Susie is a fake name). I mean, I was with her all week at my house and that was ok, but you know I don't like going to other people's houses. I don't know how it's going to go if I have to keep going there.
Me: (thinking it's another normal, crazy conversation, but not mean) Oh, well, it will be hard to find somebody who just wants to go to YOUR house. You know how it is. You can't have 100% of what you want, but she sounds really nice.
Him: Are you saying if I break up with her there won't be anyone else???? If so, that's very negative and I hate negativity.
Me: Break up with her?
Him: Stop being so negative. (Sarcasm here, but it's true. He didn't say it, but it's true). Just because every girl I've met so far has had issues I couldn't deal with doesn't mean I won't meet somebody who has no issues at all!!!! You're being negative.
Me: How am I being negative? You can't expect anyone to just go to your house every time she sees you. (I didn't say this, but he doesn't ever take anyone out on a date).
Him: That's what I mean! It's NEGATIVE!
Me: (Getting irritated, but calm) It's not negative. It's realistic.
Him: D&*% your realism! Realism is negativity!!! And I have no support system at all except you and you're always so negative!
Me: Realism isn't negativity.
Him: It's saying I will never find anyone.
Me: I didn't say that. I meant that if you don't ever want to visit somebody else, it may be really hard to find someone.
Him: I HATE THIS NEGATIVITY! I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT RIGHT NOW!
Me: 37, you are a man now and you have to decide what you do with your girlfriends. I just offered an opinion.
Him: THAT'S SO HORRIBLE! I HAVE TOLD PEOPLE THAT YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE I'M ALMOST 40 YEARS OLD YOU WON'T SUPPORT ME ANYMORE AND THEY ALL THINK IT'S UNBELIEVABLE THAT YOU WON'T SUPPORT YOUR OWN SON. THEY'RE SHOCKED THAT MY OWN MOTHER WILL NOT SUPPORT HER SON!
Me: Look, I have stuff going on right now. You know that and I...
(He disconnects)
Not a word about my day at the hospital tomorrow. He probably forgot.
I usually go radio silent after a ridiculoous conversation like that and a hangup, but this really bugged me so I texted him. I feel dumb that I did it, but I did. "That was mean. I'm have surgery and you hang up because you don't think I matter as much as you do. I'm lucky the other kids and Tom care. That was selfish. Call me and either be nice or wait until the surgery is over. I can't play hang up games right now. Thanks!" (Wow, what a whiny thing to text to him. I'm so sorry that I did. But, hey, I can out-whine him and it's not bad that he had to read MY whine, is it?) I do feel silly for sending anything though.
He didn't respond.
Good.
I wish I could take the text back and just go silent.
I am still reeling. Yes, we have had bizarro conversations like that one before. It's not a first. But this one rated as one of the craziest ever. He has done his negativity crapola before though. The gist of it is, I can only say things he wants to hear, even if I don't believe what I say, and even if they are ridiculous. That is his idea of my supporting him. Honestly, it's just like a very young child might feel. But he thinks like a very young child. You'd be amazed to know his IQ.
Oh, well, the woman is likely way too nice to have to deal with him.
Since 37 has never apologized for being a jerk in his entire life, I don't expect it now so maybe I can have some days free of nonsensical phone calls until after my surgery on Feb. 24th. You know, although I expect it, it still hurts that he doesn't care about the surgery, even though it is probably going to be very routine. Both Sonic and Jumper offered to be there and Julie would come up if she didn't have the baby. 37? He won't even remember when it is.
IF I see his name come up on my phone, he is on a long time out right now.
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His thinking is really off the radar.
My husband, by the way, is all for it. He knows I can be a nervous nilly. Plus he has to go with me on mammo day because I get so nervous and pop a few tranqs and can't drive 
