Didn't want it to come to this, might be asking difficult child to leave

[susiestar]

You did the right thing to ask him to move out. Don't let him move back in, even if hubby says it would be okay.

One thing you MUST remember about anyone dependent/addicted to opiates like heroin:

If he is normal, funny, pleasant, he is high. If he was not high, he would be sick, sweating, with horrible stomach cramps and incredible pain. So all those times he was reading to the kids and seeming so normal and pleasant, he was high.

I am a pain mgmt patient due to more than 3 serious and painful health issues. I had a very sudden severe migraine 2 nights ago and was so foggy minded that I skipped 2 doses of my medication. I woke up very suddenly and was incredibly sick. It was awful. I managed to get to my medications and felt much better in 15 min, but it took 2 days to fully get back on track.

Heroin is stronger than what I take, and I do not snort or crush or inject my medications. His work even faster and stronger than mine. This means they wear off faster and the withdrawal can be even more brutal and rapid.

So I KNOW, for a cold hard fact, from personal experience, that all those nights when he seemed so normal and pleasant, he was HIGH. For him, high IS normal. He just isn't sleeping it all off because he either didn't take a large dose or he took other medications to keep him up and alert.

Please remind daughter in law that son should be paying child support to her, and that it should be a BIG and IMPORTANT priority to him. There is no reason he should have a nice apartmnt and she and the kids should be close to homeless if the relatives were not housing them. She NEEDS to insist that part of his paycheck should be directly deposited into her account to help support his children. No matter what, they are his responsibility, not just daughter in law's.

 

[Origami]

If he is normal, funny, pleasant, he is high. If he was not high, he would be sick, sweating, with horrible stomach cramps and incredible pain. So all those times he was reading to the kids and seeming so normal and pleasant, he was high.

Ugh, I hadn't even thought of that. In my mind, those "normal" times meant he wasn't high. I even asked him the other night why he wasn't getting sick yet from being off the heroin (since he had to check in after court for probation), and he said you don't get that sick if you don't take a large amount. Maybe he's getting better at managing his dosages, although of course he did OD a few weeks ago so maybe not. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he ODs again if he continues to use.

The more I know about heroin addiction, the more discouraging it is. I realize there's a slim chance my difficult child (now to be known as Mike) will have an easy time of getting clean, if he does at all. It's not easy to cope with, this downward spiral.

 

[BusynMember]

If his drug of choice was heroin, he was always high or trying to get high.

If he wasn't using, he'd be suffering bad withdrawals that he couldn't hide.

That's why I say he isn't safe near the grands.

Hugs!!!!

 

[2much2recover]

From what I understand about heroin addiction, the strength is getting stronger, and if someone gets "clean" for a while they try using their "old" dose and end up ODing. I learn a lot by watching that show Drug Inc., I think it is on the Discovery channel.

 

[Origami]

An update--
My son went to his court-ordered substance abuse evaluation yesterday and they've set him up with weekly substance abuse counseling, which he thinks will be some kind of group meeting. He's also got individual counseling sessions that will be arranged and a monthly meeting with his probation officer. They did two drug tests yesterday and he said they'll test him at the weekly substance abuse meetings. I asked him what happens if he fails one of the tests, and he said they'd probably make him go to more counseling at first, but if he failed more than one or two times he'd probably have to go to jail. He seemed very pleased to be getting the services and said he's talked to his boss about everything. All the meetings are outside of his work time except for the monthly probation appointments.

Guarded optimism here, as I'm learning.

A side-note--Isn't it interesting (unfortunate) that it seems like a person of limited financial resources can get treatment through the court system but not otherwise? My son had tried several avenues to get treatment services before, but you either had to have private insurance, tons of money, or be put on a long waiting list.

 

[Jabberwockey]

A side-note--Isn't it interesting (unfortunate) that it seems like a person of limited financial resources can get treatment through the court system but not otherwise?

Its all about the funding. We have programs come and go simply because there is no longer funding. The usual reason the funding goes away is that the program is no longer the flavor of the day.

 

[susiestar]

Don't let him fool you. Even using small amounts regularly will leave you in withdrawals if you stop. That is just a fact. His story about only using a small amount and not having withdrawals is just another lie. While I hope the counseling helps, it will likely take more than weekly counseling to stop his addiction.

MWM is right, he is not safe around the grands, esp if there isn't a sane and sober adult with him. Please do not trust him to babysit ever.

I have known more than a few heroin addicts and have yet to meet one who just used 'a little'. From what I have heard, they all say that in order to get loved ones off their backs, but they use what they can get their hands on, period. If they don't use, they get very sick and it is not a sickness you can hide. Not. At. All.

I really hope and pray he can get clean and stay clean. If nothing else, maybe a methadone or suboxone program would help him have a normal life. it is good his employer is being supportive.

 

[lovemyson1]

I'm reading along and my heart breaks for you Origami! For many of us! It helps me be stronger seeing that the many years you've tried to help your son, he still went back to his addiction. I'm so saddened by all you're going through, I really am! I've been there as you know, our hearts are very much alike. Please stay strong and trust the process. There's nothing you can do at this point. He has to WANT to change. Big hug to you sweetheart! Keep us posted!

 

[toughlovin]

I have to say that I am a big fan of drug courts....even though my son kept getting kicked out of programs etc. the court helped him get into places and held him accountable which is what he needed....and I think it also really sent him the message that he needs to get his life together or he will spend some serious time in jail.... and having spent some time in jail he really doesnt want that.
And because they were holding him accountable then I just got to be his mom which we needed for our relationship.

 

[Origami]

Susiestar, I'm still a little confused about my son's status, as he said he's clean and he passed the court-ordered drug testing, but I still haven't seen him going through the withdrawal this time. I've seen it a few times with him, where he's pretty much laid-up in bed for a few days and acting like a zombie. At his last job (before he got fired), he took a week off from work for the "flu" when he was withdrawing. He told me then he was quitting because he never wanted to go through that again, but here we are.

I hope that the drug court assistance will be helpful, as you said, toughlovin. It's at least opened a doorway for him to step through for help if he takes advantage of it. Accountability should be a good thing.

And lovemyson1, you're right that we're in similar situations and can gain strength from shared hardship and hopefully develop some coping skills along the way!