hearts and roses
Mind Reader
Just someone hit me over the head already! :hammer:
difficult child STILL has not found a job since leaving Sharper Image. She is never home, always with her boyfriend, monkeyboy. We never see him, he's like a phantom boyfriend. She's always at his house or over in his neck of the woods, but that's another post.
So, yesterday difficult child was looking in the local flyer for any interesting jobs...because wonders of all wonders, she can't seem to land one despite the fact that nearly EVERY store in town has a Help Wanted sign in their window! Anyway. H mentioned, in passing, that he noticed difficult child had circled a couple of ads for apartments in the town over. I am not shocked by any means as difficult child has made some off-handed remarks about wanting to "get the he// out of here" or "it doesn't matter because I won't be living here for very long" type of comments again lately. However, I am a bit confused as to how she thinks she will finance an apartment, car insurance, gas, her own phone, utilities and food on NO INCOME. She told me last month that her boyfriend was looking for an apartment. He also has no job. Perhaps they are thinking of moving in together?? Holy God, I hope not.
Last week, difficult child came home with a black eye. Now I am not saying boyfriend did it, but how would I know? I hardly even know this kid. And daughter claims to not know how it happened. Her exact words were, "If you're accusing boyfriend of giving me a black eye, I'll freaking walk out of this freaking house right now!". I never said anything about boyfriend giving her a black eye. I only asked if he was there when it happened as maybe he could shed a little light on the circumstances leading up to the supposed fall she claimed happened. She had to be driven home last week by boyfriend and his dad because she got shaky and then passed out in his driveway (not drinking or smoking - completely straight). She said it was just like the panic attacks she used to have, except there was no warning headache. She just got all fluttery and passed out and fell, then puked. Of course, she wouldn't say anything more about it to me.
I even called the boyfriend, but he wasn't home and I got his mom yesterday and she was not rude, though not very friendly. I am sure that difficult child has painted the picture that I'm really really mean and unfair and that H (her stepdad) is also mean to her - she does that with new people, loves to make them believe that her home life is God-awful.
So, you know, I have all kinds of concerns here. First, she is jobless. Second, if she doesn't get a normal job or go to school, her health benefits will expire in October of this year. She is not in counseling and she's not eating right. She has a severe intolerance to caffiene and passes out when she intakes too much and smokes too many cigarettes - too much stimulants and this is likely what caused her to pass out last week. So, I am practicing my detachment stuff, but man, it is hard. On top of all this she claims that she wants to sign up for a $1600 phlebotomy course at the community college, which is great and all, but I am hesitant to plunk over that kind of money (not that I have it anyway) and have her ditch again and I lose my money. I have a call into the school to see if she can just get financial aid on her own and have a loan when she's done. For that kind of money, I would think she could do it. Maybe if she is paying the bill, she will stick with it.
Star posted something on another unrelated post about our difficult children being who they are, no matter what we do for them or don't do for them. Those were not her exact words, but the jist of it was that they are who they are. Some of them fortuntely change, mature and go on to lead normal self sufficient healthy lives while others just keep making the same mistakes over and over again throughout. I think this may be difficult child. Truly.
I can lie in bed for HOURS thinking of what I should have or could have done differently to make the outcome better. But then, I think back to why I makde certain decisions for difficult child based on my reactions to her behavior at the time and it seems like I'd do it all over again. I don't know. I do know that I feel like I've tried it all and it may be time for me to let go. Then as I lie there awake wondering, I think about how she's still so young and ignorant and how will she make it and what if something horrible happens and the last word I have from her is through a DR or police officer.
Obviously, I cannot FORBID her anything. I can't tell her anything - she doesn't listen, I can see her tune me right out. I am so fearful that the reason this kid is never around is because he may be abusive or something. He told difficult child that he 'feels nervous around parents'. So, what does that mean? He will never ever get used to being around difficult child's family because it's uncomfortable for him? And what is wrong with difficult child? She's usually so mean to her boyfriend's and tells them up front that they have to come to our house! Now she's never ever home. The entire time easy child was home from college and all through the holidays, difficult child was absent. We went to the movies, dinners, and hung at home and had fun and whenever I asked her to join us she said she had to go and left. Part of me is so ready for her to get out and the other part of me is so scared for her.
difficult child STILL has not found a job since leaving Sharper Image. She is never home, always with her boyfriend, monkeyboy. We never see him, he's like a phantom boyfriend. She's always at his house or over in his neck of the woods, but that's another post.
So, yesterday difficult child was looking in the local flyer for any interesting jobs...because wonders of all wonders, she can't seem to land one despite the fact that nearly EVERY store in town has a Help Wanted sign in their window! Anyway. H mentioned, in passing, that he noticed difficult child had circled a couple of ads for apartments in the town over. I am not shocked by any means as difficult child has made some off-handed remarks about wanting to "get the he// out of here" or "it doesn't matter because I won't be living here for very long" type of comments again lately. However, I am a bit confused as to how she thinks she will finance an apartment, car insurance, gas, her own phone, utilities and food on NO INCOME. She told me last month that her boyfriend was looking for an apartment. He also has no job. Perhaps they are thinking of moving in together?? Holy God, I hope not.
Last week, difficult child came home with a black eye. Now I am not saying boyfriend did it, but how would I know? I hardly even know this kid. And daughter claims to not know how it happened. Her exact words were, "If you're accusing boyfriend of giving me a black eye, I'll freaking walk out of this freaking house right now!". I never said anything about boyfriend giving her a black eye. I only asked if he was there when it happened as maybe he could shed a little light on the circumstances leading up to the supposed fall she claimed happened. She had to be driven home last week by boyfriend and his dad because she got shaky and then passed out in his driveway (not drinking or smoking - completely straight). She said it was just like the panic attacks she used to have, except there was no warning headache. She just got all fluttery and passed out and fell, then puked. Of course, she wouldn't say anything more about it to me.
I even called the boyfriend, but he wasn't home and I got his mom yesterday and she was not rude, though not very friendly. I am sure that difficult child has painted the picture that I'm really really mean and unfair and that H (her stepdad) is also mean to her - she does that with new people, loves to make them believe that her home life is God-awful.
So, you know, I have all kinds of concerns here. First, she is jobless. Second, if she doesn't get a normal job or go to school, her health benefits will expire in October of this year. She is not in counseling and she's not eating right. She has a severe intolerance to caffiene and passes out when she intakes too much and smokes too many cigarettes - too much stimulants and this is likely what caused her to pass out last week. So, I am practicing my detachment stuff, but man, it is hard. On top of all this she claims that she wants to sign up for a $1600 phlebotomy course at the community college, which is great and all, but I am hesitant to plunk over that kind of money (not that I have it anyway) and have her ditch again and I lose my money. I have a call into the school to see if she can just get financial aid on her own and have a loan when she's done. For that kind of money, I would think she could do it. Maybe if she is paying the bill, she will stick with it.
Star posted something on another unrelated post about our difficult children being who they are, no matter what we do for them or don't do for them. Those were not her exact words, but the jist of it was that they are who they are. Some of them fortuntely change, mature and go on to lead normal self sufficient healthy lives while others just keep making the same mistakes over and over again throughout. I think this may be difficult child. Truly.
I can lie in bed for HOURS thinking of what I should have or could have done differently to make the outcome better. But then, I think back to why I makde certain decisions for difficult child based on my reactions to her behavior at the time and it seems like I'd do it all over again. I don't know. I do know that I feel like I've tried it all and it may be time for me to let go. Then as I lie there awake wondering, I think about how she's still so young and ignorant and how will she make it and what if something horrible happens and the last word I have from her is through a DR or police officer.
Obviously, I cannot FORBID her anything. I can't tell her anything - she doesn't listen, I can see her tune me right out. I am so fearful that the reason this kid is never around is because he may be abusive or something. He told difficult child that he 'feels nervous around parents'. So, what does that mean? He will never ever get used to being around difficult child's family because it's uncomfortable for him? And what is wrong with difficult child? She's usually so mean to her boyfriend's and tells them up front that they have to come to our house! Now she's never ever home. The entire time easy child was home from college and all through the holidays, difficult child was absent. We went to the movies, dinners, and hung at home and had fun and whenever I asked her to join us she said she had to go and left. Part of me is so ready for her to get out and the other part of me is so scared for her.
from years ago, filled with smoke, and dog hair everywhere. Her bio dad is a loser and yet, he is always pointing out everyone else's flaws, even ones that don't exist. When the girls told exh a funny story from home, he would roll his eyes and call me 'crazy' as if he's being funny, but his sarcasm wasn't entirely lost on easy child thank God - she knew he was getting a dig in and he still does it. I sometimes just want to smack his head right off his shoulders.
