difficult child got fired and other great news~

[hearts and roses]

She has worked at 4 places in the past year and she can't use not even ONE of them as a reference. She is 19 years of age. I just don't get it. I worked at so many jobs in my younger years I can't even count them all and I have NEVER been let go or fired.

Up until difficult child started up with Monkey boy she had been working at the same place for over a year. Then Whammo!

I don't even have the right words to describe how annoyed and disappointed I am in her, again - they will just come out in a jumble.

H is going to go right through the roof tonight when he hears. Last night I had to tell him that she stole all the gas from the snowblower's gas can, which he laughed about because it's just so absurd, isn't it? And now this.

What I didn't tell H is that she has been talking with Monkeyboy and she lied to MB and told him that she had been pregnant when they broke up and had an abortion. She even said I told her to keep it, which is something I would never suggest to difficult child at this point. Besides, there is NO WAY difficult child was every preggo or had an abortion. It just simply did not happen and she's fabricating lies to get MB to take her back. Yes, you read that correctly. She is begging HIM to take her back. Ugh. I was so sick to my stomach when I read the IM she stupidly left on the computer last night.

Anyway, she has a boyfriend...remember the nice, CLEAN, brushes his teeth, polite, working 2 jobs, owns his own car and pays his own bills... boyfriend who wants to shower her with gifts and take her out to dinner? The one she won't let buy her anything or take her out to dinner for some strange reason. The one who thinks her "moods" are cute? OMGoodness. She has been ignoring him for the most part for a week. My antennae went up.

I just want to tell the boyfriend, "Run, run for your life...go as fast as you can!!! She's crazy and will totally mess you up if you stay one more minute!!!" but of course, I cannot do that. It's not my place. easy child said she feels it's her civic duty to tell the boyfriend to run. Hahaha~

I saw another IM she had with one of her friends (a guy) wherein she tells him her nippl.e ring got caught on a nail on the wall...now how does that happen?? The friend asked difficult child how she managed that (because even this pothead isn't that gullible) and difficult child said she tripped, fell into the wall and the nail snagged her nippl.e ring. No way could that happen, I'm sorry. She's gone crazy again.

One step forward and two steps backward. It's amazing we're in this Godforsaken place again. She was doing pretty good, working, school, nice boyfriend, sticking close to home. But then my gut started in last week and I knew things were starting to go awry. Amazing how my instinct just knows! Perfect timing too - just before Christmas.

 

[KTMom91]

Oh, Jo, I'm so sorry. Hope she can hold it together long enough for you to have a peaceful Christmas. Many hugs.

I like easy child's logic..."civic duty"...that's funny!

 

[CrazyinVA]

Ahh this all sounds so familiar. Oldest can't seem to keep a job, either. She's also done the fake pregnancy/abortion thing before. She's been with the same boyfriend for several months now, but they broke up briefly a couple weeks ago .. we were out one night and saw him and I actually said to him,"I'm sorry my daughter is so crazy." He laughed (what else could he do?!) They're back together now and she's working 2 jobs supposedly... yet couldn't find the money to even get me a birthday card. She has no car, suspended license, yada yada yada... ah but don't let me do this in your comments!

I know it's frustrating. But this is all on her, her consequences etc. ... as much as it drives YOU crazy (becuase you know it probably doesn't bother her in the least!)

Hugs.

 

[Suz]

Jo, I remember wanting to bang my head against the wall when Rob was in the thick of all of those self-destructive behaviors. I'm sorry. The best thing you can do is let her live with the consequences and learn the hard way.

I think I read somewhere that she's paying you rent. Do you have a Plan B for this situation? If she isn't working, how will she pay the rent? In chores? Do you have a chore list that will cost her enough in her time to make up the cost of her living expenses?

I suspect you are strong enough to see this through and be tough on her. Is your husband?

Suz

 

[everywoman]

Oh, I'm so sorry. It's so tough when that gut thing hits and you know what's coming. Even then you can't prepare yourself for the drama that is the life of a difficult child in their full blown gfgness. All I can offer is a hug. It may be time to bring in some tough love. She needs to be made to find another job or leave. I know she went to her dad's before and hated it. Is that option available. You do not need to have another round of MB drama in your life.

 

[janebrain]

Hi Jo,
I am so sorry to hear this and yet not very surprised since your difficult child and mine seem so much alike. Whenever they seem to have things going well or sort of well they sabotage themselves. I'm not surprised she would rather have MB than the nice guy--my difficult child seemed to find decent guys boring. So sorry, I know how awful it is when you get your hopes up and then they come crashing down yet again.

Take care,
Jane

 

[hearts and roses]

Thanks ladies,

EW, she really can't go to her dad's house on LI as he hasn't been working for a few months - just some small jobs here and there and to be honest, I don't think he would want her there. He just doesn't know how to parent and had a very hard time laying down the rules. And when he did, he didn't follow through. For most of my daughters' lives, time spent with thier dad was more like a vacation thing, not real life - they have a very difficult time figuring out how to interact and behave with one another on any other basis. I just don't think geographical changes will make any impact, in fact, I believe it would only provide a tiny bit of mental and emotional relief for me than make any changes in anything exh or difficult child does. However, because she is unemployed she can go a visit him after the holidays while I'm on vacation (just staying home) and that would provide a nice break for me. Haha.

Suz, yes, I plan on leaving her a daily list of chores to do in place of her paying rent. The thing is that she's not that responsive after about a week of that, so I will have to spell it out very clearly to her. Thanks for mentioning that. I am often at a loss for thoughts and words when I get thrown like this.

difficult child wasn't home when I told H and yes, he went through the roof - I just sat and listened and agreed. His intention was to have difficult child and easy child beging paying their own car insurance beginning in January anyway and we're going to have a family meeting to discuss this on the weekend, Saturday. I told him that I really don't want to use the insurance thing as a punishment with difficult child - I feel we're beyond punishments. The key reason he's giving up paying for their insurance is that we feel he's fulfilled his self imposed obligation to pay for their insurance until they were completed with school. easy child graduated in last July and we wanted to give her some time to find her footing, which she has, and difficult child completes her program in January. H said a few other things, which although I realize it's all semantics, I hate the way he phrases things. But I am past the point of worrying about how difficult child perceives things anymore - no matter how careful we are in how we say things to her, she will skew it to suit her perspectives (and attitude).

easy child is having her wisdoms pulled today so I will be pretty busy. I left a note for difficult child to get out and start pounding the pavement. She has no more references left - not even the one last really good one because it turns out he was the head guy over at this most recent job. He is probably going to learn today that difficult child was fired yesterday. And difficult child said that the manager told her she has to finish out the week by working on this Saturday. Isn't that odd? I thought when you were fired, you were done. And why would they make her leave yesterday and then want her to come in Sat? Odd.

I saw on an IM last night that she's planning on meeting Monkeyboy for coffee today so I know that while I was getting ready she was fake sleeping until I left. Whatever. I have other things to think about right now and I think difficult child has taken up her fair share of my thoughts, Know what I mean??

 

[goldenguru]

I'll bet you'd just love to stop the ride and get off the roller coaster.

I'm so sorry. This has to be so disheartening.

Hugs.

 

[hearts and roses]

You know, GG, it is not really killing me. I am wondering if I've become numb to it all. It is disappointing and I've given difficult child the appropriate dressing down...but I think I am in some sort of 'self preservation' mode because every time H asks me where is difficult child, I just shrug and tell him where I think she is and that's that.

Mostly I just feel bad that she's stringing along this really nice young man. And he's just so darn cute! Haha, not that it matters, just saying.

 

[Jena]

Jo

I'm so sorry i'm late to this. how did i miss this one?? She was driving you crazy last week and now she's really gone in for the kill huh...?? That's too bad about the nice guy who digs her moods?? thinking their cute. wow. he's a keeper. Can we tell him to get a nipple ring?? might that work??? LOL JK

I'm sorry i soo hope she behaves herself thru the holidays so you can enjoy them this year.

(((Hugs)))

 

[goldenguru]

You know, GG, it is not really killing me. I am wondering if I've become numb to it all.

Maybe - you've mastered the art of detachment.

Kudos for YOU!!

 

[BusynMember]

Ugh. difficult child's love self-sabatage.
All of my kids paid for their own car insurance. And it started at 16 when they could work. We couldn't afford the insurance and in my opinion driving isn't a right. All of them did work and pay the supplemental insurance (they weren't the primary drivers and it wasn't that much, but they did have to pay). I wouldn't give difficult child money to drive. Heck, I think you're a saint. I'd be giving her two months to pack her bags and leave. She may see it as a wake up call if she suddenly had to fend for herself. You'd be amazed at how resourceful our kids can get. They don't starve!!!
(((Hugs))) and I"m sorry she's back to making poor choices. In spite of that, I hope you detach from her enough to enjoy your holiday. Don't let her ruin it!

 

[janebrain]

Yes, I think you have mastered the art of detachment, Jo. That is a good thing! You sound like you do not feel responsible for the dumb things she is doing and you aren't! I think it is great you have reached that place.
Hugs,
Jane

 

[hearts and roses]

H still feels the need to try and control and manipulate her. In doing so, all he's really doing is allowing her to manipulate him & me.

I suppose because I've been the primary caretaker, worrier, and person she most disturbs, it's easier for me to let go? I don't know if I'm completely detached. I left her a note that read in caps:

"difficult child - GO GET A JOB TODAY"

So much for detaching.

H is angry as all get out, but he hasn't said a word to difficult child. I just know that all it's going to take is one stupid comment from her and H will go off.

easy child is recuperating from having all four of her insanely placed wisdom teeth removed (yesterday) and is in horrible pain. The ice packs, advil, vicodin and an antibiotic haven't really had much of an impact yet. She looks like a squirrel harvesting her winter nuts and her eyes are glazed over in pain. Tonight would not be a good night for H to go ballistic on difficult child. I have told him that I really don't think we need to use words anymore -only actions at this point. He agrees, yet I do understand his need to holler at her. I have no control over him or this at all and I'm fine with it, really. Ask me later though!!

 

[mom_in_training]

Chiming in a lil late here but I am hoping that easy child has recouped from that gruelling procedure of having her wisdoms removed. Also have to mention that Its a tough call regarding the good boyfriend being warned but you could give him something that might clue him in by giving him a book as a gift.... The Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lifes.