difficult child is now unemployed.

[AliceLee]

Hi everyone. I have an update on my difficult child. She did NOT put the dog in the pound. Guess it was just a manipulation tactic.

She called husband yesterday. Told him she was no longer employed. She threw away a job making $28,000/year plus excellent benefits at one of the "best 100 places in the country to work".

She is back to living with dangerously abusive boyfriend (ignoring protective order), and I'm pretty sure will be facing eviction from her apartment within the next 30 days. Her car is running on borrowed time. She has no working telephone, and doesn't even have the track phone I bought her for 911 purposes (it's on her bedside table at our house). Yet she told husband that she was "fine" and for us not to worry about her...everything is fine.

I'm trying to think positively, though. She did tell husband that she was going on job interviews yesterday afternoon and today.

Also, I am praying that boyfriend will be incarcerated soon. According to the court website, he is on fugitive status for not appearing in court last week. In addition, he faces court in mid-April for assaulting difficult child. The D.A. is also charging him with felony abduction for that incident (hope it sticks). The neighbor who witnessed some of the assault works for a domestic violence agency. Finally, the one of the cops that arrested him for beating difficult child was the same officer who had just arrested him in December for an unrelated driving incident!

Unfortunately, life is never dull.

 

[Suz]

OMG, AliceLee.

I hope he is incarcerated soon, too. sheesh. It might take something that dramatic for your difficult child to be separated from him. It would be none too soon.

Suz

 

[busywend]

You detach. It is her problem she has no phone, no job, and soon no place to live. Do you and husband have an agreement not to have her live there again?

What will you do if she shows up homeless?

 

[Loris]

I hope he is picked up soon. It may be the only way to make sure she stays safe. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[KFld]

I waited for a long time hoping my difficult child's girlfriend was going to go to jail for all of her charges that kept piling up, and it never happened.
You definatley need to detatch and let her hit bottom. Sorry she's unemployed!!!

 

[hearthope]

Sorry she is still with him.

Alice I agree with the others. She is going to have to hit bottom and realize she doesn't want to continue living as she is.

Detach,detach,detach.

She will remember all that you have taught her. She will also remember the comforts that money buys.

If he doesn't go to jail, maybe it will speed the process of her leaving him. So many times they stand by feeling as though they can't desert the man that loves them when he is at his worst.

I hope you have talked with someone at the shelter so that you can better understand her mindset.

Detach ~ but let her know she is loved by you ~ Always let her know that she has someone else that loves her.

Part of his stradegy is to make her believe that "he" is the "only" person on earth that cares about her.

You and her are in my thoughts and prayers

Traci

 

[AliceLee]

One less worry...she has already got another job! Not one I would want (in collections...maybe she'll have to call herself---ha!), but a job all the same.

Hearthope, I took your advice and sent her an email congratulating her on finding a job so quickly and letting her know that I love her. I don't want her to feel like she's stuck with loser boyfriend because he's the only one who "loves" her.

husband and I are on the same page, I think. If boyfriend beats her up again, we will let her stay one night with us, then refer her to a domestic violence shelter. If she is cooperative with working with the domestic violence counselors and seems serious about wanting to end her relationship with boyfriend, we'll consider letting her move back home. Of course, there are some conditions she'll have to agree to before that happens. Same thing if she becomes homeless. Our primary condition is that she must get mental health help (I suspect that she's bipolar).

I've felt much better over the last few days. Thanks, everyone, for helping me as I learn to detach with love!

 

[KFld]

What you just described is definatley detatching with love. You are supporting her when she makes good choices, letting her know you love her, but backing off when she's making poor choices that you cannot control.

It does feel good, doesn't it???? The more you practice it the easier it gets.