difficult child out of jail, refuses rehab, I'm losing all hope for him
- Thread starter pinevalley
- Start date
DDD
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the update. More really sincere supportive hugs coming your way. It's obvious that he doesn't "get it" and has checked out his IQ for the immediate gratification he is getting from substance abuse. I admire your resolve and pray for your difficult child. Hugs. DDD
T
toughlovin
Guest
Thanks PV for the update... as I was worrying about my difficult child today I was wondering about you and yours. You are doing the right thing... keeping gaining strenth and wisdom from those of us that have gone through this. I was thinking today how not giving money for food finally got my son again to rehab..... maybe being back in jail will get your son to rehab. Knowing you are serious about following through I am sure will make an impression on him.
Its amazing his defense attorney is willing to help you as much as he is... most of them really do work for the kid not the parents. He is in a tough spot... so you may need to talk to the DA yourself.
TL
Its amazing his defense attorney is willing to help you as much as he is... most of them really do work for the kid not the parents. He is in a tough spot... so you may need to talk to the DA yourself.
TL
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Okay...the defense attorney works for your son, not you so dont take anything he says as being especially good for you as far as the revoking the bail. Of course it isnt in your sons best interest to revoke the bail...lol. Of course the defense attorney isnt supposed to do that for his client because the defense attorney is supposed to do what his client wants him to do which means your son wants to stay in the free world and not have his bond revoked!
However, I am pretty sure the defense attorney didnt use his own money to pay the bail money did he? Didnt think so. I am pretty sure your signatures are on some paperwork saying that you are responsible for your son. If so, you can call and have his bail revoked all by yourselves without involving the defense attorney. Its really none of his business. He can meet his client at the jail.
However, I am pretty sure the defense attorney didnt use his own money to pay the bail money did he? Didnt think so. I am pretty sure your signatures are on some paperwork saying that you are responsible for your son. If so, you can call and have his bail revoked all by yourselves without involving the defense attorney. Its really none of his business. He can meet his client at the jail.
pinevalley
Member
We are lucky to have a defense attorney who is willing to work with us, and not just for our difficult child. He is supposed to look out for the best interest of our difficult child, but we are paying his bills so he does listen to us. This attorney has called me every day this week for an update on difficult child, and he even offered to help me drive difficult child to the rehab center (when I told him how hard it was to even get difficult child in the car to go to rehab). I believe that this attorney really wants to help our difficult child, and I trust his advice. He told me today that it would be better to revoke the bail for difficult child, and it would really complicate everything if difficult child was arrested for another theft before our next court date.
My h and I went to dinner tonight, and I was telling him all about detachment, and how important it is for us to detach from our difficult child for our own sanity. He was amused by this conversation at first, but he started to understand that we need to detach from the self-destructive problems of our difficult child. My h does not like to read books about addiction or attend meetings, but he is learning along with me to deal with this crisis of addiction. I am so glad I can count on my h during this horrible crisis with our difficult child.
My h and I went to dinner tonight, and I was telling him all about detachment, and how important it is for us to detach from our difficult child for our own sanity. He was amused by this conversation at first, but he started to understand that we need to detach from the self-destructive problems of our difficult child. My h does not like to read books about addiction or attend meetings, but he is learning along with me to deal with this crisis of addiction. I am so glad I can count on my h during this horrible crisis with our difficult child.
Mama Raygun
New Member
I can't imagine how hard this must be. If he ends up back in jail please don't get him out!!!!!! I really think it's where he needs to be right now, he's definitely not ready to quit on his own so even if you get him to rehab he will just leave. When addicts are at this point of self destruction they need to be locked up against thier will!! Jail is actually a bottom for alot of addicts, if he's in there long enough for his head to start to clear up he might start changing his thinking. Stay strong
pinevalley
Member
Mama R: Thanks for your advice. I know that difficult child has not hit rock bottom yet, and he still does not think that he needs rehab. I know this is true, but for the life of me I really don't understand why difficult child wants to continue using drugs. I don't have any experience with drug use, but now I really hate what drugs have done to difficult child and to our family.
I'm not sure if you posted about your experience with drug use, but can you please explain what made you finally decide to quit using drugs? How long did it take you to realize how drugs were destroying your life?
I'm not sure if you posted about your experience with drug use, but can you please explain what made you finally decide to quit using drugs? How long did it take you to realize how drugs were destroying your life?
Mama Raygun
New Member
Ur welcome. I actually did post my whole crazy story about 3 days ago, post was called 'hope for the future' I had a long run with using an tried several rehabs/ outpatients ect... and still just couldn't get it. It's such a powerful thing to be addicted to drugs, your thinking gets so distorted. If you tell me some details I can try to give you a better perspective, from an addicts point of view. What drugs is he doing, how long and has he been to rehab before?
pinevalley
Member
difficult child was in rehab for 30 days last December. Back then he was smoking weed, and using a lot of spice, the synthetic weed. At the end of 30 days our difficult child was thinking clearly, and looked much healthier. He told us that he never wanted to use spice anymore because it really scared him. Unfortunately, just a few days after he was released from rehab our difficult child started using weed again, and he also started taking triple C pills. He would take 8 pills at a time, and hallucinate from these pills. We told difficult child that he could die or get in a coma from using triple C, but he refused to stop using the pills, These pills are sold over the counter, so they are easy to get, and cheap. We think that the triple C has changed his brain chemistry, so that he is not able to think rationally right now. difficult child has also admitted to using DMT, but I'm not really sure what this is. I think that difficult child is probably using triple C every day, and he will steal and lie in order to get these pills and hallucinate. Just my opinion about triple C, but that's what we think it is doing to our son.
Mama Raygun
New Member
Wow, that stuff sounds crazy! I don't have any experience with spice or the c pills it must be after my time! I agree it could be changing his brain chemistry, all that hallucinating has to be altering his thinking. In my opinion your son is still in what I call the 'rockstar' stage, where using is still fun and exciting. Especially with that drug of choice which is considered club drugs. Hes not gonna experience the gut wrenching withdrawals that bring lots of addicts to their knees. If hes still refusing rehab, I still recommend leaving him in jail next time he goes. I know that sounds awful but he's a danger to himself and needs to be somewhere he can't just walk out. Maybe he will be court ordered to rehab which would be good too! Good luck! Hang in there!!
pinevalley
Member
Mama:
I agree that difficult child is probably still in the "rock star" stage of drug use, and he is not willing to accept that he has a problem. We told difficult child that he could not live at home if he refused to go to rehab, so now he is staying at a cheap motel. We can track his location on his cell phone, and he (or at least his phone) just stays in this motel room all day long. I really believe that he thinks that this is fun, to live away from any parents and to be able to do drugs whenever he wants. We are going to revoke his bail in the next couple of days, and then difficult child will not be happy to be sitting in jail. He will be in jail one week before his next court date, and I hope that this is enough jail time to get the drugs out of his system. We are really hoping that we can get court ordered rehab for our son, so that he will be forced to stay at rehab by the courts. My h and I are always the bad guys according to difficult child, and it rehab is court ordered he can not blame us for where he is. He will probably blame us for many other things in his life, but he can't blame us for putting him in rehab. Take care, PV
I agree that difficult child is probably still in the "rock star" stage of drug use, and he is not willing to accept that he has a problem. We told difficult child that he could not live at home if he refused to go to rehab, so now he is staying at a cheap motel. We can track his location on his cell phone, and he (or at least his phone) just stays in this motel room all day long. I really believe that he thinks that this is fun, to live away from any parents and to be able to do drugs whenever he wants. We are going to revoke his bail in the next couple of days, and then difficult child will not be happy to be sitting in jail. He will be in jail one week before his next court date, and I hope that this is enough jail time to get the drugs out of his system. We are really hoping that we can get court ordered rehab for our son, so that he will be forced to stay at rehab by the courts. My h and I are always the bad guys according to difficult child, and it rehab is court ordered he can not blame us for where he is. He will probably blame us for many other things in his life, but he can't blame us for putting him in rehab. Take care, PV
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toughlovin
Guest
PV - First hugs to you. I know this is all very hard. I hope the courts order rehab... and one thing to mention to the defense attorny is that what you want to see is rehab.... a lot of times the court may not "order" rehab but they will agree to a plea agreement that inludes rehab. That is one good thing about your son spending more time in jail, if he realizes his choice might be jail or rehab he may agree to such a deal. That is what happened with my son 18 months ago.... we found a rehab, and the lawyer talked with him and he ended up agreeing to rehab because he really really did not want to spend any more time in jail. So mention it to the lawyer and let him give your son his options... and make it very very clear that coming home to live with you is in no way an option if rehab is not part of the deal.
You may continue to be the bad guy in your sons eyes for a while but that may change as his own actions get him in more and more trouble. I am not sure my son has warm and fuzzy feelings for us right now but i don't think he is really blaming us either. Of course I don't know... but at some level he knows it is his own actions ending him up where he is.
Keep us posted.
TL
You may continue to be the bad guy in your sons eyes for a while but that may change as his own actions get him in more and more trouble. I am not sure my son has warm and fuzzy feelings for us right now but i don't think he is really blaming us either. Of course I don't know... but at some level he knows it is his own actions ending him up where he is.
Keep us posted.
TL
Mama Raygun
New Member
PV, that's good he'll be spending a week in jail....I hope it awakens him. It's really hard when the addict doesn't yet consider himself an addict, but the more consequences and trouble he gets himself into the more likely he will realize this way of life isn't gonna get him far. Also don't feel so guilty ( easier said than done 
) he is bringing this trouble onto himself! Addicts are EXTREMELY self centered when using, blaming everyone else but themselves for their problems. It's such a stubborn age as well, they think they are grown and know what they are doing. Good luck to you!
) he is bringing this trouble onto himself! Addicts are EXTREMELY self centered when using, blaming everyone else but themselves for their problems. It's such a stubborn age as well, they think they are grown and know what they are doing. Good luck to you!pinevalley
Member
Kathy:
difficult child told us that he paid for the motel room himself, because he had several hundred dollars of cash. He told us this outlandish story about selling gold coins at Cash for Gold and earning the money for the gold coins. These coins did not come from us, and I have no idea where he got the coins. He was arrested for theft recently for stealing jewelry that belonged to the mother of a friend of his. I don't think that the coins belonged to this mother, because the police checked the videotape at Cash for Gold and they recovered all the gold that my son stole. I am almost afraid to find out where difficult child got these gold coins. difficult child has absolutely no money sense, so very soon he will run out of all his cash. I sure hope that he does not decide to shoplift or steal anything else and get arrested again. We really want to get him in rehab before he gets arrested again.
difficult child told us that he paid for the motel room himself, because he had several hundred dollars of cash. He told us this outlandish story about selling gold coins at Cash for Gold and earning the money for the gold coins. These coins did not come from us, and I have no idea where he got the coins. He was arrested for theft recently for stealing jewelry that belonged to the mother of a friend of his. I don't think that the coins belonged to this mother, because the police checked the videotape at Cash for Gold and they recovered all the gold that my son stole. I am almost afraid to find out where difficult child got these gold coins. difficult child has absolutely no money sense, so very soon he will run out of all his cash. I sure hope that he does not decide to shoplift or steal anything else and get arrested again. We really want to get him in rehab before he gets arrested again.
A
AmericanGirl
Guest
PV, one thing I have learned is no matter what I do....or dont do....that difficult child will blame me.
Frankly, i think he is transferring all his internal anger to me. That may be true for you as well. So...do the right thing...whatever that is....and hold your head high. However, i dont blame you for trying to put the bullseye on someone else for a while. Sigh...it gets old.
I actually asked difficult child recently how it was possible for me to be ALWAYS wrong. I mean the law of averages would have me messing up and getting something right every so often by accident.
Its amazing we all managed to get this far in life without constantly being corrected.
Frankly, i think he is transferring all his internal anger to me. That may be true for you as well. So...do the right thing...whatever that is....and hold your head high. However, i dont blame you for trying to put the bullseye on someone else for a while. Sigh...it gets old.
I actually asked difficult child recently how it was possible for me to be ALWAYS wrong. I mean the law of averages would have me messing up and getting something right every so often by accident.
Its amazing we all managed to get this far in life without constantly being corrected.
