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Difficult child with possible Borderline (BPD)/self harm
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750315" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>At her age she should be covered on your insurance as a dependent which should last until she is 26. If it were me I would insist she go into residential treatment as long as she is living in your home, supported by you. College would not be a priority with these kinds of issues going on, in my way of thinking. Not only the cutting. That great a weight gain would be considered an eating disorder, I think. *Oh. I see she was in treatment for an eating disorder. There are online courses that she could take, if she wants to keep up her progress towards the degree.</p><p></p><p>I have a girlfriend with daughter that has similar issues and on top of it, she has Type I diabetes. She did go to an inpatient program. After she completed it, she finished her BA and then got a Masters in Social Work. She is working and in a serious relationship and living with a great guy.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is not going in the right direction. This could get worse. I would think about putting a stop to this now. A supportive boundary for her to heal. You might want to go into therapy yourself for help and support to develop and to put into place a plan and to support her to do the right thing for herself.</p><p></p><p>There are moments when we have to take risks, even if they might in the short term make things worse. I am in that position too. But to not do this is to close our eyes to reality. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But that's how I think and feel.</p><p></p><p>To me, her refusing to get therapy is a red flag. She is trying to control her situation, and she does so through the very distorted lens of her problems. By going along with her, you let her drive the situation in a way that is destructive and potentially dangerous. By not confronting her, you as if consent. That is my way of thinking. I support you to take control. After all she is your daughter, in your own, with your support, economically and emotionally.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Busy that the right fix is in her. But that does not mean that you should not support her to do the right thing. You have some control by virtue that she is in your home and needs your support. By not taking control you are supporting her to do the wrong thing. Your money, your shelter, your support, is helping her fuel her illness. I recognize this sounds harsh. All of us have done it, and some of us still do so, off and on. I do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750315, member: 18958"] Welcome. At her age she should be covered on your insurance as a dependent which should last until she is 26. If it were me I would insist she go into residential treatment as long as she is living in your home, supported by you. College would not be a priority with these kinds of issues going on, in my way of thinking. Not only the cutting. That great a weight gain would be considered an eating disorder, I think. *Oh. I see she was in treatment for an eating disorder. There are online courses that she could take, if she wants to keep up her progress towards the degree. I have a girlfriend with daughter that has similar issues and on top of it, she has Type I diabetes. She did go to an inpatient program. After she completed it, she finished her BA and then got a Masters in Social Work. She is working and in a serious relationship and living with a great guy. Your daughter is not going in the right direction. This could get worse. I would think about putting a stop to this now. A supportive boundary for her to heal. You might want to go into therapy yourself for help and support to develop and to put into place a plan and to support her to do the right thing for herself. There are moments when we have to take risks, even if they might in the short term make things worse. I am in that position too. But to not do this is to close our eyes to reality. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But that's how I think and feel. To me, her refusing to get therapy is a red flag. She is trying to control her situation, and she does so through the very distorted lens of her problems. By going along with her, you let her drive the situation in a way that is destructive and potentially dangerous. By not confronting her, you as if consent. That is my way of thinking. I support you to take control. After all she is your daughter, in your own, with your support, economically and emotionally. I agree with Busy that the right fix is in her. But that does not mean that you should not support her to do the right thing. You have some control by virtue that she is in your home and needs your support. By not taking control you are supporting her to do the wrong thing. Your money, your shelter, your support, is helping her fuel her illness. I recognize this sounds harsh. All of us have done it, and some of us still do so, off and on. I do. [/QUOTE]
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