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Does anyone have any idea what could be going on
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 759762" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I just read the updates. Have you looked into Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) and/or other attachment disorders? Given her mother's neglect and abuse, I fear that is what you are looking at or will have in the future. Neglect can cause more severe problems than outright abuse. I am sorry to have to suggest these issues. </p><p></p><p>If your husband takes her to the doctor ever, he can ask the doctor's office to give him a copy of the insurance information. They should have a copy of the insurance card and can just give him a copy. Then you can start scheduling appointments without telling the mother. If her insurance is through the state's children's insurance program, your husband can contact them to get a copy of her card also. </p><p></p><p>Please document her condition every time she returns to your home. Take photos of every injury. If you can ever get into her mother's home, take photos of it if you can. Especially any locks on the child's door, condition of child's room, etc..... </p><p></p><p>Sadly, you need to start taking your daughter into the bathroom with you so she doesn't end up hurt by your stepdaughter. Do NOT take your stepdaughter into the bathroom with you. Even though you would not do anything to harm her, this leaves you WIDE open to accusations of abuse, especially sexual abuse. This is a very complex child and helping her will require a lot of intense work. If she harms small animals, and has already killed one, you must be absolutely sure she cannot hurt your child. She can do serious damage in a very short amount of time. </p><p></p><p>I would enroll her in Head Start as soon as humanly possible. I know the pandemic makes it hard, but they are outside observers who are trained to document these types of behaviors and to report them to CPS. A report from Head Start will carry a lot more weight than a report from a parent or stepparent. </p><p></p><p>I would also have your husband report to his lawyer that biomom refuses to give him the insurance information and has refused on X and Y and Z and ..... dates. Call or have your husband call her for the information over and over. Also send her letters asking for the information. Send the letters via registered or certified mail, return receipt requested. This means that biomom has to actually sign for the letters and you get a receipt showing she signed on X date. This is important information for the court. Of course it is a hassle for you and for her, but that is okay. All mail should come from your husband as the father. If you do this weekly, it may be enough hassle for her to give you the info to shut you up. Or she may still refuse and this looks HORRIBLE to a judge. </p><p></p><p>Does biomom send her to daycare on her custody days? Have the daycare document her behavior in detail. Get those records to your lawyer and then to the judge. Be aware that this may result in your husband getting custody. These problems won't go away and will be very hard to treat. You may have to take extraordinary steps to keep your daughter safe. </p><p></p><p>I do know how hard this is. My oldest son was very violent to his little sister and I. She slept with us for years and years. If she slept in her own room, my son would get up in the middle of the night and hurt her. We also did a lot of other things to keep her safe that were totally not normal parenting. </p><p></p><p>Another thing that can truly help is to write a Parenting Report (PR). This is a report all about your difficult child. Any problems at any stage are included. You write it using an outline that moms here created. Don't sit down and plan to do it all in one session. It is actually better if you work on it a bit at a time. It gives a more complete account of what has gone on in her life than any single appointment can give. It also helps during doctor appointments because you have all the answers that you know at your fingertips. Did she try this medication and did it cause problems? Have you ever tried this kind of therapy? What evaluations have you had done and what were the results? I know it was one of the most powerful tools we had in helping our son. There is a link in my signature that will take you to the outline. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry that you have to deal with all of this. It probably feels like a whole different household when your stepdaughter is there. It isn't easy for her either. Imagine having to adjust between one house where no one talks to you or interacts with you and another house where people want you to communicate and do certain things and they interact with you? To see how you cuddle and interact with your daughter when she knows that no one ever did that with her when she was little? It must be very strange to her and very confusing. </p><p></p><p>Please remember yourself too. Self care is important. If it is time to do a craft or hobby, or a long bubble bath or a face mask or just time alone with nobody talking to you, make time for it. And make sure your hubby has time for it also. Kids with problems are draining in a way that other parents cannot imagine. Not taking time for self care is a very common but big mistake. If you don't recharge your batteries, how can you continue to take good care of all of the kids?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 759762, member: 1233"] I just read the updates. Have you looked into Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) and/or other attachment disorders? Given her mother's neglect and abuse, I fear that is what you are looking at or will have in the future. Neglect can cause more severe problems than outright abuse. I am sorry to have to suggest these issues. If your husband takes her to the doctor ever, he can ask the doctor's office to give him a copy of the insurance information. They should have a copy of the insurance card and can just give him a copy. Then you can start scheduling appointments without telling the mother. If her insurance is through the state's children's insurance program, your husband can contact them to get a copy of her card also. Please document her condition every time she returns to your home. Take photos of every injury. If you can ever get into her mother's home, take photos of it if you can. Especially any locks on the child's door, condition of child's room, etc..... Sadly, you need to start taking your daughter into the bathroom with you so she doesn't end up hurt by your stepdaughter. Do NOT take your stepdaughter into the bathroom with you. Even though you would not do anything to harm her, this leaves you WIDE open to accusations of abuse, especially sexual abuse. This is a very complex child and helping her will require a lot of intense work. If she harms small animals, and has already killed one, you must be absolutely sure she cannot hurt your child. She can do serious damage in a very short amount of time. I would enroll her in Head Start as soon as humanly possible. I know the pandemic makes it hard, but they are outside observers who are trained to document these types of behaviors and to report them to CPS. A report from Head Start will carry a lot more weight than a report from a parent or stepparent. I would also have your husband report to his lawyer that biomom refuses to give him the insurance information and has refused on X and Y and Z and ..... dates. Call or have your husband call her for the information over and over. Also send her letters asking for the information. Send the letters via registered or certified mail, return receipt requested. This means that biomom has to actually sign for the letters and you get a receipt showing she signed on X date. This is important information for the court. Of course it is a hassle for you and for her, but that is okay. All mail should come from your husband as the father. If you do this weekly, it may be enough hassle for her to give you the info to shut you up. Or she may still refuse and this looks HORRIBLE to a judge. Does biomom send her to daycare on her custody days? Have the daycare document her behavior in detail. Get those records to your lawyer and then to the judge. Be aware that this may result in your husband getting custody. These problems won't go away and will be very hard to treat. You may have to take extraordinary steps to keep your daughter safe. I do know how hard this is. My oldest son was very violent to his little sister and I. She slept with us for years and years. If she slept in her own room, my son would get up in the middle of the night and hurt her. We also did a lot of other things to keep her safe that were totally not normal parenting. Another thing that can truly help is to write a Parenting Report (PR). This is a report all about your difficult child. Any problems at any stage are included. You write it using an outline that moms here created. Don't sit down and plan to do it all in one session. It is actually better if you work on it a bit at a time. It gives a more complete account of what has gone on in her life than any single appointment can give. It also helps during doctor appointments because you have all the answers that you know at your fingertips. Did she try this medication and did it cause problems? Have you ever tried this kind of therapy? What evaluations have you had done and what were the results? I know it was one of the most powerful tools we had in helping our son. There is a link in my signature that will take you to the outline. I am sorry that you have to deal with all of this. It probably feels like a whole different household when your stepdaughter is there. It isn't easy for her either. Imagine having to adjust between one house where no one talks to you or interacts with you and another house where people want you to communicate and do certain things and they interact with you? To see how you cuddle and interact with your daughter when she knows that no one ever did that with her when she was little? It must be very strange to her and very confusing. Please remember yourself too. Self care is important. If it is time to do a craft or hobby, or a long bubble bath or a face mask or just time alone with nobody talking to you, make time for it. And make sure your hubby has time for it also. Kids with problems are draining in a way that other parents cannot imagine. Not taking time for self care is a very common but big mistake. If you don't recharge your batteries, how can you continue to take good care of all of the kids? [/QUOTE]
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