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Does it EVER get better???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 754536" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi and welcome.</p><p></p><p>I've been through some of what you describe with my son who is now 31. I think you have been doing everything right, in a horrible situation. And I think you're heading in the right direction. She is holding you hostage. There is no working anything out with her until she is motivated to do so, and it seems she's not one bit motivated.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what is TMS treatment.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I would suggest is to come down hard on the property damage and violence. I would call either the police or emergency psychiatric services every single time she is abusive either verbally or against property. You do her no favors to cut her slack.</p><p></p><p>The other thing is that not knowing a real and complete drug history, kind of muddies the diagnostic picture. You don't really know what might be drugs do you? Or as Wise mentions, there may be personality issues, too.</p><p></p><p>My son would only cooperate with my agenda (psychiatry, medical, etc., if he thought there was a pay off for him) and could not until very recently see the inherent wisdom of seeking help.</p><p></p><p>How very, very troubling and sad that she sought out a heroin addict boyfriend, and that such a tragedy occurred. I am sorry.</p><p></p><p>The texts wishing death, she's sending to you and to her father are unacceptable. I would block her. At the least. If they entail any sort of threat against you, that such death or accident might come from her hand, you have a real problem. That is a felony crime. Terrorist Threat. That entails prison time, if she's convicted. She can't be allowed to do such a thing. For sure I would think about calling psychiatric emergency to have her hospitalized as a "danger to others." If there is an intended victim, the police will need to become involved. I don't see you as having much leeway here. If she is permitted free rein she can get herself in a world of hurt.</p><p></p><p>That said I think you were very wise to have her hospitalized for the 3 day hold for suicide threats. The only way to curb that is to take her at her word. My son did that and stopped it when I followed through. He's very careful to not make an imminent threat, anymore.</p><p></p><p>I think differently about your son's marijuana use, than some others. Don't get me wrong. I hate marijuana. And I hate that my son has a dependency which has made everything a thousand times worse. But there is just as much a risk to overreact than to not react at all. I think his Dad was wise to let him go from his job until he tests clean. How has your son responded? I'm not clear. Does he live with his Dad or with you? Have you spoken to son about all of this? What does he say? Just because he began to smoke pot does not mean he will spiral downwards. Would you and his father consider finding a therapist for him?</p><p></p><p>Finally, it seems like your daughter gets and demands a lot of attention and indulgence in the family, despite very, very bad behavior. This story about not being understood. Her spouting off, and disrespect. Ruining your stuff. I agree totally with what you write. She needs to be curbed and reined in.</p><p></p><p>She's still within the age cutoff for Job Corps (if you're in the USA) which is a free, federal vocational training program, where young adults are housed and fed and supervised and trained. They take kids with issues. My son went. When my son acted up, they just took him to a clinic, had him evaluated, and took it all in stride. There are centers all over the country. Some parents here don't like the program, but I loved it. I think their issue is that some of the centers are located in poor areas, and there are a lot of poor kids, some with troubled pasts. But this would be one option for your daughter. This is the real world. Her actions are very much curtailing and limiting her options. The stay at home option in a free in law apartment has just been moved off the table. It has to be her responsibility to decide what's next. If she decides she's too mentally ill to take responsibility, then there are residential treatment options. </p><p></p><p>I told my son to leave when he was her age. Actually, I threw him out. All these years later I go back and forth wondering if I did the wrong thing. My son still struggles. But the thing is this: They can't disrespect us or our homes. They have to do the right thing for themselves, under our roof. They can't be violent in our homes, or threaten us even verbally. I don't see where there is a choice.</p><p></p><p>It's not just for us. It's for them. People can't run around acting like your daughter is acting. Regardless of diagnosis or stressor. She's off the rails. She needs to learn to correct herself. I support everything you're doing. And I am very glad you posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 754536, member: 18958"] Hi and welcome. I've been through some of what you describe with my son who is now 31. I think you have been doing everything right, in a horrible situation. And I think you're heading in the right direction. She is holding you hostage. There is no working anything out with her until she is motivated to do so, and it seems she's not one bit motivated. I don't know what is TMS treatment. The only thing I would suggest is to come down hard on the property damage and violence. I would call either the police or emergency psychiatric services every single time she is abusive either verbally or against property. You do her no favors to cut her slack. The other thing is that not knowing a real and complete drug history, kind of muddies the diagnostic picture. You don't really know what might be drugs do you? Or as Wise mentions, there may be personality issues, too. My son would only cooperate with my agenda (psychiatry, medical, etc., if he thought there was a pay off for him) and could not until very recently see the inherent wisdom of seeking help. How very, very troubling and sad that she sought out a heroin addict boyfriend, and that such a tragedy occurred. I am sorry. The texts wishing death, she's sending to you and to her father are unacceptable. I would block her. At the least. If they entail any sort of threat against you, that such death or accident might come from her hand, you have a real problem. That is a felony crime. Terrorist Threat. That entails prison time, if she's convicted. She can't be allowed to do such a thing. For sure I would think about calling psychiatric emergency to have her hospitalized as a "danger to others." If there is an intended victim, the police will need to become involved. I don't see you as having much leeway here. If she is permitted free rein she can get herself in a world of hurt. That said I think you were very wise to have her hospitalized for the 3 day hold for suicide threats. The only way to curb that is to take her at her word. My son did that and stopped it when I followed through. He's very careful to not make an imminent threat, anymore. I think differently about your son's marijuana use, than some others. Don't get me wrong. I hate marijuana. And I hate that my son has a dependency which has made everything a thousand times worse. But there is just as much a risk to overreact than to not react at all. I think his Dad was wise to let him go from his job until he tests clean. How has your son responded? I'm not clear. Does he live with his Dad or with you? Have you spoken to son about all of this? What does he say? Just because he began to smoke pot does not mean he will spiral downwards. Would you and his father consider finding a therapist for him? Finally, it seems like your daughter gets and demands a lot of attention and indulgence in the family, despite very, very bad behavior. This story about not being understood. Her spouting off, and disrespect. Ruining your stuff. I agree totally with what you write. She needs to be curbed and reined in. She's still within the age cutoff for Job Corps (if you're in the USA) which is a free, federal vocational training program, where young adults are housed and fed and supervised and trained. They take kids with issues. My son went. When my son acted up, they just took him to a clinic, had him evaluated, and took it all in stride. There are centers all over the country. Some parents here don't like the program, but I loved it. I think their issue is that some of the centers are located in poor areas, and there are a lot of poor kids, some with troubled pasts. But this would be one option for your daughter. This is the real world. Her actions are very much curtailing and limiting her options. The stay at home option in a free in law apartment has just been moved off the table. It has to be her responsibility to decide what's next. If she decides she's too mentally ill to take responsibility, then there are residential treatment options. I told my son to leave when he was her age. Actually, I threw him out. All these years later I go back and forth wondering if I did the wrong thing. My son still struggles. But the thing is this: They can't disrespect us or our homes. They have to do the right thing for themselves, under our roof. They can't be violent in our homes, or threaten us even verbally. I don't see where there is a choice. It's not just for us. It's for them. People can't run around acting like your daughter is acting. Regardless of diagnosis or stressor. She's off the rails. She needs to learn to correct herself. I support everything you're doing. And I am very glad you posted. [/QUOTE]
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