confused_n_tx
New Member
Does letting go every get easier?
I would like to hear from any of you that may know tips on how to do this.
Background info. ME - I am 47, single & never married, and all I ever wanted was to be a mom. Had my daughter hours before my 30th BD. I took lots of classes, read lots of books, quit my job so that I could raise my daughter the best way possible.
My daughter 17, highly intellegent, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, ODD. Hospitilized 3 times, been to several treatment facilities/schools, has been on legal probation. Did drugs some when she was 13-14, not any more, loves alchohol, surprisingly a virgin. Loves to flirt from afar but doesn't date very much even though she gets asked out a lot, mostly by older guys.
She was a good kid, straight A's, won lots of awards for different things,had a agent and was a child model and actress, and had a very innocent, sheletered up-bringing. My disciplinary style is simular to "the Nanny" on the show. I kept my calm (most of the time), Never called names, and most of all, only on occassion, would negotiate, what I had said I would do - I did.
Lots of hugs and she would hug me all the time. I could not get her into her own bed F/T until she was 14 and that was with a lot of counseling. After she turned 12, like so many kids, she completely changed. But not like so many kids became very violent. She had, on occassions, gotten into trouble for hurting other children. There was never violence in the home when she was young.
After a horrible episode of her attacking me, usually for the smallest thing,I would call our local police who would usually blame me, even though I hadn't even hit my kid. Some policement would tell me that I should hit her and that by law I could, others would tell me that she was too cute and would not have acted like that without some reason. Getting help for her has never been easy. They always asume because she is cute that she can not possibly be mentally ill. the counselors who got to know her, knew how manipulating & narcistic she could be. Her probation officer could not stand her because she would tottally disrespect her and not show up when she should & talk back.
Anyway after years of trying everything and not having the cooperation of the police, my daughter pretty much thought she could do anything she wanted when she wanted. When I would ground her from the phone, she would call my mother, who I haven't spoke with in 11 years, and have her send her a cell phone without telling me she got it or where it came from. Or when I grounded her she would run to her friend, who's mother would baby her and believe all the lies she would tell about me without ever trying to get to know me. Her other friends parents knew me and new I would never hurt her in any way so she would never go to them.
Well I was tired of my daughter playing me & my mother against each other, and telling all the horrible lies about me so I sent her to live with my mother. She lives in Austin, TX, about 200 miles away. I never get to see her and hardly talk to my daughter anymore. I was hoping she would come to her sinces but instead my mother has bought her a new truck. My daughter always told me that was my duty as a parant was to buy her a car. I would have helped her IF she would have gotten a job and kept it more than 2 weeks. Anyway someone is always there to give her whatever she wants, so she thinks I am so mean for not doing it.
ALL I ever wanted was to be a mom - her mom. This love/hate relationship she has with me is so painful. Being away form her is so painful. I KNOW I am doing the right thing but it sure doesnt make it easy. I still can't believe 2 people as self-centered as they are, haven't had a falling out yet. I only get to talk to her about oce every 3 weeks. She hangs up on me when I call so I have to waite for her call. She is just 20 miles away at a weading this weekend and won't even come home for a visit. My only rule for her coming home is that she has to get back on medications and stay on them.
I try to get on with my life - but have to have a pitty party ever-so-often.
Have I lost her forever?
I would like to hear from any of you that may know tips on how to do this.
Background info. ME - I am 47, single & never married, and all I ever wanted was to be a mom. Had my daughter hours before my 30th BD. I took lots of classes, read lots of books, quit my job so that I could raise my daughter the best way possible.
My daughter 17, highly intellegent, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, ODD. Hospitilized 3 times, been to several treatment facilities/schools, has been on legal probation. Did drugs some when she was 13-14, not any more, loves alchohol, surprisingly a virgin. Loves to flirt from afar but doesn't date very much even though she gets asked out a lot, mostly by older guys.
She was a good kid, straight A's, won lots of awards for different things,had a agent and was a child model and actress, and had a very innocent, sheletered up-bringing. My disciplinary style is simular to "the Nanny" on the show. I kept my calm (most of the time), Never called names, and most of all, only on occassion, would negotiate, what I had said I would do - I did.
Lots of hugs and she would hug me all the time. I could not get her into her own bed F/T until she was 14 and that was with a lot of counseling. After she turned 12, like so many kids, she completely changed. But not like so many kids became very violent. She had, on occassions, gotten into trouble for hurting other children. There was never violence in the home when she was young.
After a horrible episode of her attacking me, usually for the smallest thing,I would call our local police who would usually blame me, even though I hadn't even hit my kid. Some policement would tell me that I should hit her and that by law I could, others would tell me that she was too cute and would not have acted like that without some reason. Getting help for her has never been easy. They always asume because she is cute that she can not possibly be mentally ill. the counselors who got to know her, knew how manipulating & narcistic she could be. Her probation officer could not stand her because she would tottally disrespect her and not show up when she should & talk back.
Anyway after years of trying everything and not having the cooperation of the police, my daughter pretty much thought she could do anything she wanted when she wanted. When I would ground her from the phone, she would call my mother, who I haven't spoke with in 11 years, and have her send her a cell phone without telling me she got it or where it came from. Or when I grounded her she would run to her friend, who's mother would baby her and believe all the lies she would tell about me without ever trying to get to know me. Her other friends parents knew me and new I would never hurt her in any way so she would never go to them.
Well I was tired of my daughter playing me & my mother against each other, and telling all the horrible lies about me so I sent her to live with my mother. She lives in Austin, TX, about 200 miles away. I never get to see her and hardly talk to my daughter anymore. I was hoping she would come to her sinces but instead my mother has bought her a new truck. My daughter always told me that was my duty as a parant was to buy her a car. I would have helped her IF she would have gotten a job and kept it more than 2 weeks. Anyway someone is always there to give her whatever she wants, so she thinks I am so mean for not doing it.
ALL I ever wanted was to be a mom - her mom. This love/hate relationship she has with me is so painful. Being away form her is so painful. I KNOW I am doing the right thing but it sure doesnt make it easy. I still can't believe 2 people as self-centered as they are, haven't had a falling out yet. I only get to talk to her about oce every 3 weeks. She hangs up on me when I call so I have to waite for her call. She is just 20 miles away at a weading this weekend and won't even come home for a visit. My only rule for her coming home is that she has to get back on medications and stay on them.
I try to get on with my life - but have to have a pitty party ever-so-often.
Have I lost her forever?
