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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 754633" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>Newstart, I could have written much of this. </p><p></p><p>It's hard to say what the right thing to do is here, accept to keep your stress levels under control. </p><p></p><p>Maybe focus on detachment with compassion. Do what you feel you can handle, always ready to accept you may not get what you expect from your kindness. </p><p></p><p>I was raised half the time by my grands who doted on me. I learned the self reflective value of respect at a young age. That said, we dont have the compass for others. Our Difficult Child children dance to a different drummer. We know this, but as a mother, we hope one day they will see the world as we do. In reality, that wont happen. Each of us creates our own path by the choices we make. </p><p></p><p>Acceptance is the first step to the grieving process. This major life event for your daughter and boyfriend could bring about real change. It is an opportunity for you to show you are setting boundaries that protect you. You may need to reevaluate what support means under these extreme circumstances, without sending the wrong message. That is what you feel would be wrong, because if your Difficult Child is like mine, there never is a right thing. </p><p></p><p>We want to support our DCs but need to do it wisely. No abusive dialogue, respect, gratitude, all the things we would give to those who would support us under these circumstances. </p><p></p><p>Gosh, my thoughts are with you. My children's father (we had been divorced for many years) died from sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 55. I had to tell my children. I feel to this day that event escalated any mental issues with my daughter. I sympathized with their pain as my daddy (not my bio father) died when I was 24. Maybe that's why I went on an enabling spree, who knows. I am sharing this so you understand that you not loose a foothold on logical thinking and to care for you.</p><p></p><p>My sympathies to all during this difficult time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 754633, member: 23811"] Newstart, I could have written much of this. It's hard to say what the right thing to do is here, accept to keep your stress levels under control. Maybe focus on detachment with compassion. Do what you feel you can handle, always ready to accept you may not get what you expect from your kindness. I was raised half the time by my grands who doted on me. I learned the self reflective value of respect at a young age. That said, we dont have the compass for others. Our Difficult Child children dance to a different drummer. We know this, but as a mother, we hope one day they will see the world as we do. In reality, that wont happen. Each of us creates our own path by the choices we make. Acceptance is the first step to the grieving process. This major life event for your daughter and boyfriend could bring about real change. It is an opportunity for you to show you are setting boundaries that protect you. You may need to reevaluate what support means under these extreme circumstances, without sending the wrong message. That is what you feel would be wrong, because if your Difficult Child is like mine, there never is a right thing. We want to support our DCs but need to do it wisely. No abusive dialogue, respect, gratitude, all the things we would give to those who would support us under these circumstances. Gosh, my thoughts are with you. My children's father (we had been divorced for many years) died from sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 55. I had to tell my children. I feel to this day that event escalated any mental issues with my daughter. I sympathized with their pain as my daddy (not my bio father) died when I was 24. Maybe that's why I went on an enabling spree, who knows. I am sharing this so you understand that you not loose a foothold on logical thinking and to care for you. My sympathies to all during this difficult time. [/QUOTE]
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