enabler a repeat offender

[2be still]

Well apparently I am a repeat enabler powered by guilt and my 22 year old daughter is in the drivers seat. We are a blended family. I lost my husband and my kids father 10 years ago. Since then, no matter what I do its not right, enough, whatever. My daughter has our only 2 gkids (2&3) the loves of our lives and she knows it and not afraid to use them, the death of her father, or whatever else. She's a master manipulator, abuses drugs, no work ethic, says the most horrible things to myself and her stepdad. Her husband is pretty much the same except he doesn't verbally abuse us. They currently live with us. We do everything we can possibly to maintain stability for the gkids. We enrolled and pay for their daycare hoping they will get on their feet and get out. But that scares us too because the places they go and people they put those kids around. We have not been empty nesters long....that didn't last long, they have moved in and our a few times. We both work fulltime and have lost ourselves in their drama. We don't know what to do or not do anymore.

 

[Nomad]

Yikes! I’m so sorry.

Consider telling them they will need to move out by a certain date.
And if they find a rental place within an hour from your home that they feel they can afford, you will help them out by paying any deposit.
Normally, I wouldn’t suggest giving them a dime…but if they move within an hour from you you could easily see the kids now amd then.

But…I would generally speaking pull back on giving them things and start thinking of ways you can calmly if at all possible get them out of your home.

I also would calmly tell your daughter that the verbal abuse must stop. This is a top priority in my book.

Consider going to therapy or a group like Families Anonymous.

 

[Crayola13]

It sounds like she had a baby at 19, then a year later had another one. That tells me she doesn’t think logically. It could be years before she matures enough to think more sensibly. This situation isn’t going to change anytime soon.