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Enabling dad....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 402242" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Well, at least you don't have to fight with her over this. Is it time to tell ex that if all he wants to do is gripe but not do anything to make her grow up then he needs to go gripe to someone else?It sounds like he comes to you when he is upset with her, but he won't actually tell her that he is upset and doesn't like what she is doing (not htat it sounds like she would care, but still!). Hearing about all of this just makes you upset and drags you into the chaos. It is also a way for your ex and daughter to still have control over how you feel.</p><p> </p><p>Let him know that if he wants to actually implement some things to make this change, like changing the locks so she CANNOT get in when he is at work, or cutting off her cell phone, or whatever, then you will happily discuss his options and the "plan" so that you don't undermine him. But if all he wants to do is tell you how bad her behaviors are, without being willing to step up and make her take on adult responsibilities, well, that is his choice and you choose not to listen to it. It just upsets and frustrates you and you cannot change anything because everything you tried was undermined. So now he needs to learn to live with what he created and encouraged and allowed. </p><p> </p><p>You didn't allow this to happen and you don't want to encourage it - both ex's behavior ANd difficult children. I am sorry his is a passive aggressive tushiebrain, but can CHOOSE to let that not be YOUR problem! It isn't easy and it may feel like you won't ever hear anything about your daughter ever again. You will. At some point you will hear what is going on and until then you don't have anything to get upset about, Know what I mean??</p><p> </p><p>This is NOT easy advice. I know that you must be ready to take this step before you can do it successfully. I just watned to suggest it so you can start thinking about it. Then, when/if you are ready to do this, we will be here to support you!</p><p> </p><p>Until then, go ahead and vent! This is TOTALLY RIDICULOUS of both of them!! Doesn't the boyfriend get annoyed with the text messages all night? I cannot imagine his employer is fond of it. How long will she keep the boyfriend after she gets him fired for being on the dang phone texting instead of working all night? </p><p> </p><p>Out of sheer curiousity, what did dear old dad expect difficult child to do with her time when she doesn't have to go to school OR go to work OR clean the house? I am sure he won't say, but it would be interesting to hear him answer that question. He probably never even gave it a thought.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 402242, member: 1233"] Well, at least you don't have to fight with her over this. Is it time to tell ex that if all he wants to do is gripe but not do anything to make her grow up then he needs to go gripe to someone else?It sounds like he comes to you when he is upset with her, but he won't actually tell her that he is upset and doesn't like what she is doing (not htat it sounds like she would care, but still!). Hearing about all of this just makes you upset and drags you into the chaos. It is also a way for your ex and daughter to still have control over how you feel. Let him know that if he wants to actually implement some things to make this change, like changing the locks so she CANNOT get in when he is at work, or cutting off her cell phone, or whatever, then you will happily discuss his options and the "plan" so that you don't undermine him. But if all he wants to do is tell you how bad her behaviors are, without being willing to step up and make her take on adult responsibilities, well, that is his choice and you choose not to listen to it. It just upsets and frustrates you and you cannot change anything because everything you tried was undermined. So now he needs to learn to live with what he created and encouraged and allowed. You didn't allow this to happen and you don't want to encourage it - both ex's behavior ANd difficult children. I am sorry his is a passive aggressive tushiebrain, but can CHOOSE to let that not be YOUR problem! It isn't easy and it may feel like you won't ever hear anything about your daughter ever again. You will. At some point you will hear what is going on and until then you don't have anything to get upset about, Know what I mean?? This is NOT easy advice. I know that you must be ready to take this step before you can do it successfully. I just watned to suggest it so you can start thinking about it. Then, when/if you are ready to do this, we will be here to support you! Until then, go ahead and vent! This is TOTALLY RIDICULOUS of both of them!! Doesn't the boyfriend get annoyed with the text messages all night? I cannot imagine his employer is fond of it. How long will she keep the boyfriend after she gets him fired for being on the dang phone texting instead of working all night? Out of sheer curiousity, what did dear old dad expect difficult child to do with her time when she doesn't have to go to school OR go to work OR clean the house? I am sure he won't say, but it would be interesting to hear him answer that question. He probably never even gave it a thought. [/QUOTE]
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