Nerdymom33
New Member
Hi. This is my first time posting on a site like this so I am a little nervous. I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on this. I have a 4 year old daughter that is totally out of control and I am totally falling apart because of it. I am to the point where I just can't deal with her anymore and she seems to be getting worse by the day. Here is a little background on her. She was born about a month early and spent about 4 days in the special care unit of the hospital as she had a slight breathing issue. She was a wonderful baby. She was much easier then her older sister was, and I'm sad to say, my bond was much stronger with her then with her older sister. I think this was because she was premature and because I had severe postpartum depression with her older sister. But my relationship with her was wonderful. By about 2 years old she was starting to be a little late meeting some of her milestones. Her pediatrician said it was expected as she was born early and that she would eventually catch up. By about 2 1/2 she was meeting her milestones except for her speech. As of right now her speech is behind and we are working to improve it. At about 3 years her temper tantums started to take on a little more violence and became more extreme. Her tantrums were so bad our neighbors at the time came and knocked on our door to make sure she was ok and not hurt. She would scream so loud you could hear her down the street! She started to injure herself sometimes by hitting things or a couple of times she even banged her head into our front door! She had other strange behaviors develop as well. Such as always covering her ears when there was a noise that was a little louder then usual and she, like her sister, would only eat her food at room temp or cold. She also became very picky about what food she would eat. But over the last year is when her behavior took a turn for the worst.
It started when she entered headstart (3K). She has become very defiant and fights any type of routine we have. Her tantrums have become nuclear meltdowns and she fights us on EVERYTHING. She has had the same routine since last September but she fights it everyday! Everyday there is a meltdown to the point that our neighbors are making comments to us about it. Her sleep pattern is no longer what it was either. Every night it is a meltdown over bed time. Some nights she will not go to sleep until around 12am. She has also started to get into things she should not be into. Things she knows she isn't supposed to be in. Some examples are my makeup on the top shelf in the closet, anything in my bedroom is fair game, her sister's paints and everything in our coat closet. She has also started hoarding food at night. I have found all kinds of food in her closet. She does this even if she has eaten all her dinner. There are also some issues at school. From the first day at preschool her teachers have said she is behind and have been unhappy with where she is at with behavior and speech. She still sucks her finger, she speaks at a 2 year level, she will not engage the other children to play, she can only concentrate on school tasks for a short time and she only follows directions about half the time. Now she sees a special education teacher and a speech pathologist. Her speech has improved a little since she started with the speech pathologist but there is still a lot of work to be done. She is also getting tubes put in her ears tomorrow so I'm hoping that will help her improve even more. But back to the behavior. She really is almost uncontrollable at this point. Her tantrums have become so bad she has actually injured her father and needs to be restrained to prevent her from hurting herself. Watching her lose control to that extreme is the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. I am unable to deal with her when she is this far gone as I am 9 months pregnant with child number 3. Her out of control tantrums have become so frequent that my husband has lost his job because of them. I myself have mental issues (severe depression, anxiety and ptsd) and being pregnant I am not physically or mentally able to deal with her anymore. She has also started to steal things from stores. Between the stealing and her meltdowns we are no longer able to take her shopping with us. We have tried to explain to her that you can't steal things as it is wrong but she still does it. We have tried to discipline her with timeout, taking toys away, not letting her play with friends, no TV and no sweets but nothing works. She simply does not care about consequences. She now back talks and refuses to do any kind of chores. When asked to do something she refuses and will have a tantrum if asked more then once. She will not do anything on her own. She provokes her older sister constantly too. She keeps her sister up at night and will break her things unpurpose. Usually she would rather see something broken then to let her sister have it. I am very worried about her behavior. So much so that I have started the process of having her evaluated for ODD, autism and ADHD. I feel like a failure when it comes to her. Her older sister is the exact opposite. I just don't understand what went wrong with this one. I feel so bad about this whole situation. It has got to the point where I hate being around her because everything is such a huge fight with her. Everything from putting shoes on to just sitting in her car seat is a huge meltdown with her. I am actually scared to have baby number 3 because I feel like I no longer know what I am doing. I am also very concerned about how she is going to react to having a baby in the house. She is so uncontrollable that I can't even take her to a big brother big sister class to prepare her for the new baby. She is not capable of paying attention that long and I fear her having a meltdown in public. My 4 year old's behavior has taken away all my confidence as a parent. I feel like if I failed her so bad I will probably fail this new child too. I just can't stand to watch her go downhill like this. I am falling apart more and more everyday because I simply don't know what to do with her anymore. I have expressed my concerns to a close friend of mine that also happens to work for Headstart (not the one my daughter goes too though). She has told me that it sounds like my daughter is on the autism spectrum somewhere. No one in my family or my husband's family has autism or ADHD. I am so lost on what to do to fix this situation. I want the relationship we had back. I want to feel close to her again and be able to do fun family things together without the fear of her violent meltdowns. I do feel a little better after writing this and hopefully we can get an appointment for her evaluation soon. Thank you for listening to my rant.
It started when she entered headstart (3K). She has become very defiant and fights any type of routine we have. Her tantrums have become nuclear meltdowns and she fights us on EVERYTHING. She has had the same routine since last September but she fights it everyday! Everyday there is a meltdown to the point that our neighbors are making comments to us about it. Her sleep pattern is no longer what it was either. Every night it is a meltdown over bed time. Some nights she will not go to sleep until around 12am. She has also started to get into things she should not be into. Things she knows she isn't supposed to be in. Some examples are my makeup on the top shelf in the closet, anything in my bedroom is fair game, her sister's paints and everything in our coat closet. She has also started hoarding food at night. I have found all kinds of food in her closet. She does this even if she has eaten all her dinner. There are also some issues at school. From the first day at preschool her teachers have said she is behind and have been unhappy with where she is at with behavior and speech. She still sucks her finger, she speaks at a 2 year level, she will not engage the other children to play, she can only concentrate on school tasks for a short time and she only follows directions about half the time. Now she sees a special education teacher and a speech pathologist. Her speech has improved a little since she started with the speech pathologist but there is still a lot of work to be done. She is also getting tubes put in her ears tomorrow so I'm hoping that will help her improve even more. But back to the behavior. She really is almost uncontrollable at this point. Her tantrums have become so bad she has actually injured her father and needs to be restrained to prevent her from hurting herself. Watching her lose control to that extreme is the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. I am unable to deal with her when she is this far gone as I am 9 months pregnant with child number 3. Her out of control tantrums have become so frequent that my husband has lost his job because of them. I myself have mental issues (severe depression, anxiety and ptsd) and being pregnant I am not physically or mentally able to deal with her anymore. She has also started to steal things from stores. Between the stealing and her meltdowns we are no longer able to take her shopping with us. We have tried to explain to her that you can't steal things as it is wrong but she still does it. We have tried to discipline her with timeout, taking toys away, not letting her play with friends, no TV and no sweets but nothing works. She simply does not care about consequences. She now back talks and refuses to do any kind of chores. When asked to do something she refuses and will have a tantrum if asked more then once. She will not do anything on her own. She provokes her older sister constantly too. She keeps her sister up at night and will break her things unpurpose. Usually she would rather see something broken then to let her sister have it. I am very worried about her behavior. So much so that I have started the process of having her evaluated for ODD, autism and ADHD. I feel like a failure when it comes to her. Her older sister is the exact opposite. I just don't understand what went wrong with this one. I feel so bad about this whole situation. It has got to the point where I hate being around her because everything is such a huge fight with her. Everything from putting shoes on to just sitting in her car seat is a huge meltdown with her. I am actually scared to have baby number 3 because I feel like I no longer know what I am doing. I am also very concerned about how she is going to react to having a baby in the house. She is so uncontrollable that I can't even take her to a big brother big sister class to prepare her for the new baby. She is not capable of paying attention that long and I fear her having a meltdown in public. My 4 year old's behavior has taken away all my confidence as a parent. I feel like if I failed her so bad I will probably fail this new child too. I just can't stand to watch her go downhill like this. I am falling apart more and more everyday because I simply don't know what to do with her anymore. I have expressed my concerns to a close friend of mine that also happens to work for Headstart (not the one my daughter goes too though). She has told me that it sounds like my daughter is on the autism spectrum somewhere. No one in my family or my husband's family has autism or ADHD. I am so lost on what to do to fix this situation. I want the relationship we had back. I want to feel close to her again and be able to do fun family things together without the fear of her violent meltdowns. I do feel a little better after writing this and hopefully we can get an appointment for her evaluation soon. Thank you for listening to my rant.
