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<blockquote data-quote="Wish" data-source="post: 760748" data-attributes="member: 23140"><p>Before I give this <strong>Update, </strong>I was reading my last comment on this thread 3 years ago. I made a typo and would like to correct it. "She has gotten so much better since teenagehood, that's why I don't bring up her past of how horrid she was as a teenager, but try as I might, it does show itself in the present once in a while"</p><p></p><p>I don't know why I said "tried as I might". That doesn't even make sense with the context.</p><p></p><p>I meant to say "She has gotten so much better since teenagehood, that's why I don't bring up her past of how horrid she was as a teenager, but <strong>sometimes, </strong>it does show itself in the present once in a while".</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>Anyway, now that's out of the way, I would like to now provide my update story. Here it goes:</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>I signed on the other week to comment on a dear members post. I started going through my old posts on my own account and came across this one. Oh boy, I feel really bad about this one. So I might as well explain and update at the same time. I also feel that I owe an update.</p><p></p><p>So when I wrote this post 3 years ago, I was at my absolute breaking point with this very abusive relationship my daughter was in that I very briefly lost my compassion for my daughter which I feel very guilty about.</p><p></p><p>It wouldn't be until a year and a half later from this post, late November of 2019, that this five year relationship would come to a big head but more on that in a minute.</p><p></p><p>Just a back story. My daughter was a very good kid. It wasn't until her early teenage years that her problems started and they started big. She was extremely disrespectful (and that's an understatement) and we fought all the time. It was really, really, REALLY bad. Did I say REALLY bad? Five years of hell. It was not her fault. Her issues were a direct result of my on dysfunction that I had no control over at the time, her father dying at her young age, and a whole lot of bad luck in between all of it.</p><p></p><p>When she turned 18, something clicked praise God and she started to mature and work on her issues. Our relationship started getting a lot better. If I can stop right here for a second and tell any parent that is going through hell with their teenager right now and you're reading this, it CAN get better. A lot better.<strong><em> Life changing better</em></strong>. If you want a small picture of just of how bad she was when she was a teenager between ages 12 years old thru 17 years old (that is a very long five years), try looking at the worse cases of out of control teenagers on the tv shows Dr. Phil or Maury. All my friends and family thought we were doomed. No one had faith in me and my daughter. We were mocked by family and friends behind our backs and even in front of our faces. They looked down on us big time.</p><p></p><p>But, we proved them all wrong. <strong>She proved them all wrong</strong>. When she turned 18, something just clicked, just like that. She drastically changed. Blossomed and matured beautifully. She's a nature lover. She set goals and accomplishes them. She is always thinking of new things to do. She is a nature buff. .She was always a hard worker, even in her bad years, so can't take that away from her. Very consistent hard worker for almost 10 years now, she is almost 25. Pays all of her bills and always has. She sought therapy on her own and has be in therapy for quite a few years now. The problem I have with her now is that she is too addicted to bettering herself and trying to heal her childhood wounds that still constantly haunt her. I have to tell her constantly now that she should stop all of that and try to just enjoy life now. She's been at this self help thing for six years now. That's too long. That's a story for another day.</p><p></p><p>Back to my story, the turn around in her was amazing. She was doing so good. I knew I dodged a huge bullet because with her past, most would not be able to cope and she easily could have turned to drugs, getting pregnant young or God knows what else. But the complete opposite happened and NO ONE thought it would, but I knew it would. I didn't give up on her. I fought all her demons with her even when she was fighting me fiercely with vitriol. But lets go back to 18 years old, while she was changing beautifully and evolving into a butterfly, she entered into that awful relationship that would last almost 5 years. This was the ONLY huge problem we had. Which you all know the story to that. How she was able to work on herself and do all the wonderful things that she was doing, while simultaneously being in this horrible relationship, is the true miracle here. I am beyond grateful that he wasn't able to take her down his own self destructive path that he was on. She always tried to uplift him and take him on the path she was on but he resisted a lot of course. However, I think she did have a very positive effect on him despite his resistance. If it wasn't for her, he would have been way worse off which is why his family loved her. She kept him on the up and up as much as she could. They also loved her because when she was there, the abuse was directed at her, not them.</p><p></p><p>So everything came to a head in November 2019. Long story short, she called me hysterically crying. He got really drunk and they got into a really bad fight. He left the house for about 15 minutes when she called me. I was on the phone with her, and then I heard him burst through her door and started physically attacking her. She was screaming help and she told him that I called the police hoping that would stop him. I can't tell you the fear that I felt at that moment, it was so bad what I was hearing. I called the police immediately, knowing in my state, that both parties usually get arrested for domestic violence no matter who was at fault, which was always one of my fears but I couldn't let this go any longer. I was driving while on the phone with the police. The police got there about a minute before I did. Her coward POS boyfriend left the house before they got there. They put a warrant out for his arrest. Over the next two days, her bruises and other injuries started appearing. She was black and blue all over and had huge bite marks on her arm. You could literally trace his entire mouth of teeth marks on her arm. He also chocked her which made his charges go up to a felony. Two days later, I get a phone call from the police saying there was an arrest warrant out for my daughter because when they finally found him and arrested him, he gave his BS story full of lies. Like I said, it's very typical for both parties to get arrested in my state, because I guess it's hard for them to determine who's telling the truth since they weren't obviously there.</p><p></p><p>I immediately called a lawyer that I used one time for a traffic ticket. When I told her what happened and when she saw the pictures, she flipped sh*t. <em>She is a pit bull let me tell you</em>. She cussed out the officer who was serving the warrant. He complained to me about how mean she was to him, LOL but he definitely understood after I showed him the pictures of my daughter. He was very nice and promised me he would do what he could to treat my daughter with the upmost respect and he did. He was very caring towards her and to me. When our attorney saw my daughters injuries, she took my daughters case for FREE. FOR FREE. She would NOT accept payment, but I did make her take some money later on. I didn't feel right for not paying her at least something for her time and work. She was beyond a hero for us at that point. Anyway, a month later the misdemeanor charges against my daughter were dropped and completely expunged from her record, also free of charge. I thank God so much.</p><p></p><p>As for him, the prosecutor asked her what she wanted to see happen to him and she said for him to get help, she wasn't interested in seeking jail time for him. He was offered a deal since it was his first arrest regarding DV. He had to go to anger management classes and some other things. He had to pay a lot of money for a lawyer though because his charge was a felony in domestic violence. I know he had to pay like $5000 up front for his lawyer. And probably a thousand or so dollars in other fees and fines I guess all in all, but not sure.</p><p></p><p>However, this was the end of their relationship. After five years of abuse. Finally. A year and a half later, she is a new city a couple hours away that's hip to the 20's crowd and is doing great. I'll leave it at that because I try not to jinx anything by saying too much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wish, post: 760748, member: 23140"] Before I give this [B]Update, [/B]I was reading my last comment on this thread 3 years ago. I made a typo and would like to correct it. "She has gotten so much better since teenagehood, that's why I don't bring up her past of how horrid she was as a teenager, but try as I might, it does show itself in the present once in a while" I don't know why I said "tried as I might". That doesn't even make sense with the context. I meant to say "She has gotten so much better since teenagehood, that's why I don't bring up her past of how horrid she was as a teenager, but [B]sometimes, [/B]it does show itself in the present once in a while". [I]Anyway, now that's out of the way, I would like to now provide my update story. Here it goes:[/I] I signed on the other week to comment on a dear members post. I started going through my old posts on my own account and came across this one. Oh boy, I feel really bad about this one. So I might as well explain and update at the same time. I also feel that I owe an update. So when I wrote this post 3 years ago, I was at my absolute breaking point with this very abusive relationship my daughter was in that I very briefly lost my compassion for my daughter which I feel very guilty about. It wouldn't be until a year and a half later from this post, late November of 2019, that this five year relationship would come to a big head but more on that in a minute. Just a back story. My daughter was a very good kid. It wasn't until her early teenage years that her problems started and they started big. She was extremely disrespectful (and that's an understatement) and we fought all the time. It was really, really, REALLY bad. Did I say REALLY bad? Five years of hell. It was not her fault. Her issues were a direct result of my on dysfunction that I had no control over at the time, her father dying at her young age, and a whole lot of bad luck in between all of it. When she turned 18, something clicked praise God and she started to mature and work on her issues. Our relationship started getting a lot better. If I can stop right here for a second and tell any parent that is going through hell with their teenager right now and you're reading this, it CAN get better. A lot better.[B][I] Life changing better[/I][/B]. If you want a small picture of just of how bad she was when she was a teenager between ages 12 years old thru 17 years old (that is a very long five years), try looking at the worse cases of out of control teenagers on the tv shows Dr. Phil or Maury. All my friends and family thought we were doomed. No one had faith in me and my daughter. We were mocked by family and friends behind our backs and even in front of our faces. They looked down on us big time. But, we proved them all wrong. [B]She proved them all wrong[/B]. When she turned 18, something just clicked, just like that. She drastically changed. Blossomed and matured beautifully. She's a nature lover. She set goals and accomplishes them. She is always thinking of new things to do. She is a nature buff. .She was always a hard worker, even in her bad years, so can't take that away from her. Very consistent hard worker for almost 10 years now, she is almost 25. Pays all of her bills and always has. She sought therapy on her own and has be in therapy for quite a few years now. The problem I have with her now is that she is too addicted to bettering herself and trying to heal her childhood wounds that still constantly haunt her. I have to tell her constantly now that she should stop all of that and try to just enjoy life now. She's been at this self help thing for six years now. That's too long. That's a story for another day. Back to my story, the turn around in her was amazing. She was doing so good. I knew I dodged a huge bullet because with her past, most would not be able to cope and she easily could have turned to drugs, getting pregnant young or God knows what else. But the complete opposite happened and NO ONE thought it would, but I knew it would. I didn't give up on her. I fought all her demons with her even when she was fighting me fiercely with vitriol. But lets go back to 18 years old, while she was changing beautifully and evolving into a butterfly, she entered into that awful relationship that would last almost 5 years. This was the ONLY huge problem we had. Which you all know the story to that. How she was able to work on herself and do all the wonderful things that she was doing, while simultaneously being in this horrible relationship, is the true miracle here. I am beyond grateful that he wasn't able to take her down his own self destructive path that he was on. She always tried to uplift him and take him on the path she was on but he resisted a lot of course. However, I think she did have a very positive effect on him despite his resistance. If it wasn't for her, he would have been way worse off which is why his family loved her. She kept him on the up and up as much as she could. They also loved her because when she was there, the abuse was directed at her, not them. So everything came to a head in November 2019. Long story short, she called me hysterically crying. He got really drunk and they got into a really bad fight. He left the house for about 15 minutes when she called me. I was on the phone with her, and then I heard him burst through her door and started physically attacking her. She was screaming help and she told him that I called the police hoping that would stop him. I can't tell you the fear that I felt at that moment, it was so bad what I was hearing. I called the police immediately, knowing in my state, that both parties usually get arrested for domestic violence no matter who was at fault, which was always one of my fears but I couldn't let this go any longer. I was driving while on the phone with the police. The police got there about a minute before I did. Her coward POS boyfriend left the house before they got there. They put a warrant out for his arrest. Over the next two days, her bruises and other injuries started appearing. She was black and blue all over and had huge bite marks on her arm. You could literally trace his entire mouth of teeth marks on her arm. He also chocked her which made his charges go up to a felony. Two days later, I get a phone call from the police saying there was an arrest warrant out for my daughter because when they finally found him and arrested him, he gave his BS story full of lies. Like I said, it's very typical for both parties to get arrested in my state, because I guess it's hard for them to determine who's telling the truth since they weren't obviously there. I immediately called a lawyer that I used one time for a traffic ticket. When I told her what happened and when she saw the pictures, she flipped sh*t. [I]She is a pit bull let me tell you[/I]. She cussed out the officer who was serving the warrant. He complained to me about how mean she was to him, LOL but he definitely understood after I showed him the pictures of my daughter. He was very nice and promised me he would do what he could to treat my daughter with the upmost respect and he did. He was very caring towards her and to me. When our attorney saw my daughters injuries, she took my daughters case for FREE. FOR FREE. She would NOT accept payment, but I did make her take some money later on. I didn't feel right for not paying her at least something for her time and work. She was beyond a hero for us at that point. Anyway, a month later the misdemeanor charges against my daughter were dropped and completely expunged from her record, also free of charge. I thank God so much. As for him, the prosecutor asked her what she wanted to see happen to him and she said for him to get help, she wasn't interested in seeking jail time for him. He was offered a deal since it was his first arrest regarding DV. He had to go to anger management classes and some other things. He had to pay a lot of money for a lawyer though because his charge was a felony in domestic violence. I know he had to pay like $5000 up front for his lawyer. And probably a thousand or so dollars in other fees and fines I guess all in all, but not sure. However, this was the end of their relationship. After five years of abuse. Finally. A year and a half later, she is a new city a couple hours away that's hip to the 20's crowd and is doing great. I'll leave it at that because I try not to jinx anything by saying too much. [/QUOTE]
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