Feeling hopeless...
- Thread starter ksm
- Start date
Thanks guys. The frustrating thing is she either doesn't have a clue or just doesn't care what the court might do. I just hope they get us in front of the judge in the two week time frame.
I almost turned her in Saturday afternoon...but our neighbor who had been in hospital came over and I didn't want here here if police came over.
Get this...Difficult Child tells me this story about wanting one hour to grab some fast food for lunch, with a friend that was not part of her circle. It was 11am... She said he would come in to house and introduce him self. She would be gone less than an hour, because he was on his way out of town.
After she left, I logged on to the phone/texting app, and she actually asked this guy to pretend to be "James" ! She complained that they might actually have to go to a fast food place if I followed them!
I think he was just the person giving her a ride... Anyway...since I cancelled her phone service, she can only use phone if there is wifi, I couldn't call her. After a couple hours, I set up a new texting app and sent him a message. I made it sound like I was a friend of Difficult Child and the "crazy grandma" was calling her friends trying to find her.
Yep, in 10 minutes she was contacting us with some stupid story, but now she was on the way home.
husband and I decided that we will let her have enough rope to hang herself...she will be going before the judge soon. If things are going to get worse it might as well be now. If she really doesn't come home...I will turn her in again.
This morning when I checked my phone, a friend of hers texted me, wanting to know if she ran away again. That was about 10:30, and I was already asleep. I don't think so, she was home and went to bed, before I did.
Is it terrible that I don't even want to go upstairs and check? I just want an hour or two of peace...a cup of coffee...and read the paper... Then I will check. Maybe I will shower first so I can look presentable if I do have to call police.
Things shouldn't be like this. Ksm
I almost turned her in Saturday afternoon...but our neighbor who had been in hospital came over and I didn't want here here if police came over.
Get this...Difficult Child tells me this story about wanting one hour to grab some fast food for lunch, with a friend that was not part of her circle. It was 11am... She said he would come in to house and introduce him self. She would be gone less than an hour, because he was on his way out of town.
After she left, I logged on to the phone/texting app, and she actually asked this guy to pretend to be "James" ! She complained that they might actually have to go to a fast food place if I followed them!
I think he was just the person giving her a ride... Anyway...since I cancelled her phone service, she can only use phone if there is wifi, I couldn't call her. After a couple hours, I set up a new texting app and sent him a message. I made it sound like I was a friend of Difficult Child and the "crazy grandma" was calling her friends trying to find her.
Yep, in 10 minutes she was contacting us with some stupid story, but now she was on the way home.
husband and I decided that we will let her have enough rope to hang herself...she will be going before the judge soon. If things are going to get worse it might as well be now. If she really doesn't come home...I will turn her in again.
This morning when I checked my phone, a friend of hers texted me, wanting to know if she ran away again. That was about 10:30, and I was already asleep. I don't think so, she was home and went to bed, before I did.
Is it terrible that I don't even want to go upstairs and check? I just want an hour or two of peace...a cup of coffee...and read the paper... Then I will check. Maybe I will shower first so I can look presentable if I do have to call police.
Things shouldn't be like this. Ksm
More drama... Yesterday after school my Difficult Child asked to go home with a female friend. I texted the mom to make sure she was picking them up and then I told her I expected my daughter to be at her house and she was not to leave.
About two hours later she text me and asked if I had picked up my daughter because neither girl was there. I told her I hadn't and about 10 minutes later she text me that they had walked to the convenience store three blocks away.
This morning as I looked on the website for the daily police bulletin for our town...I see that her friend had been picked up and taken to juvenile intake for threatening someone and property damage. Of course my daughter and the girls mom never brought this up yesterday.
I didn't talk to Difficult Child before school as I was afraid it would keep her from going. She has melt downs then won't go to school if she has cried. But we had a doctor appointment at 10 then went for lunch and I told her what I saw on the police bulletin. I guess another girl picked them up, taking then to this other location were my child's friend had a disagreement with the people there and they called the police on her.
The people at the house told the policeman who came that my daughter had nothing to do with the disagreement. But she just doesn't get it! She was not suppose to leave that house! She thinks she has to protect her friend in case there was a fight. Uhh...the other 16yo is about 5'8" and 200 pounds. My daughter is 5'1" and 112.
Then I got a call this morning that I'm to take Difficult Child to the local mental health place and meet with a special person there and one or two people from DCF. I guess while she was in intake she gave the people the name of the guy who raped her this past summer. When I told her this she said she refuses to go. I said she has to go just to get her there. But I don't think she will be willing to discuss this at all.
I hate this... I have to deal with the aftermath of her behaviors... Ksm
About two hours later she text me and asked if I had picked up my daughter because neither girl was there. I told her I hadn't and about 10 minutes later she text me that they had walked to the convenience store three blocks away.
This morning as I looked on the website for the daily police bulletin for our town...I see that her friend had been picked up and taken to juvenile intake for threatening someone and property damage. Of course my daughter and the girls mom never brought this up yesterday.
I didn't talk to Difficult Child before school as I was afraid it would keep her from going. She has melt downs then won't go to school if she has cried. But we had a doctor appointment at 10 then went for lunch and I told her what I saw on the police bulletin. I guess another girl picked them up, taking then to this other location were my child's friend had a disagreement with the people there and they called the police on her.
The people at the house told the policeman who came that my daughter had nothing to do with the disagreement. But she just doesn't get it! She was not suppose to leave that house! She thinks she has to protect her friend in case there was a fight. Uhh...the other 16yo is about 5'8" and 200 pounds. My daughter is 5'1" and 112.
Then I got a call this morning that I'm to take Difficult Child to the local mental health place and meet with a special person there and one or two people from DCF. I guess while she was in intake she gave the people the name of the guy who raped her this past summer. When I told her this she said she refuses to go. I said she has to go just to get her there. But I don't think she will be willing to discuss this at all.
I hate this... I have to deal with the aftermath of her behaviors... Ksm
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I am so sorry that girls mother was so irresponsible. I remember trusting my own then troubled daughter with a very "nice" lady we talked about how good her daughter was and how they were a church going family. Maybe they were.
On the other hand, Mom also ran a meth lab and I felt so stupid and betrayed because I willingly allowed my daughter to be in her care and she lied to me with the clearest eyes and nice smile.
I feel bad for all you are going through. Reminds me of the chaos I lived when my own daughter was sixteen. It was so hard and tiring.
Love, hugs and remember to take time out for yourself.
On the other hand, Mom also ran a meth lab and I felt so stupid and betrayed because I willingly allowed my daughter to be in her care and she lied to me with the clearest eyes and nice smile.
I feel bad for all you are going through. Reminds me of the chaos I lived when my own daughter was sixteen. It was so hard and tiring.
Love, hugs and remember to take time out for yourself.
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RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
KSM
So sorry for this drama you are enduring. Just reading it is exhausting.
I agree with Copa's advice. And I'd not let her out of the house except to school. She doesn't deserve any freedom and she's just going to get into trouble.
Call the police if anyone you don't know if pounding on your door and trying to get in.
You need to take control of your home back. It's crazy that she is doing this to you but we had it done to us too so I get it. I'd have to say 18 and OUT if things don't change.
My husband had the same symptoms as your husband and it was ulcerative colitis. He has flare ups with stress but nothing like it used to be.
Please take care of yourself.
So sorry for this drama you are enduring. Just reading it is exhausting.
I agree with Copa's advice. And I'd not let her out of the house except to school. She doesn't deserve any freedom and she's just going to get into trouble.
Call the police if anyone you don't know if pounding on your door and trying to get in.
You need to take control of your home back. It's crazy that she is doing this to you but we had it done to us too so I get it. I'd have to say 18 and OUT if things don't change.
My husband had the same symptoms as your husband and it was ulcerative colitis. He has flare ups with stress but nothing like it used to be.
Please take care of yourself.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I see this as an opportunity for you. You can ask questions about your legal rights to set limits on her behavior. In front of her. Like curfews, and locking her out if she exceeds it. (put these in the form of questions, not "I am going to." What you are doing is asking about the legality, in order to protect your child.
They know about the rape. They should know about the meth. They should know about how she is running wild. They should know about her marauding in the streets. They should know about her truancy. They should know about the girls who tried to force entry into your house. This is your opportunity. I would say whatever concerns you in front of her.
Am I able to call the police each time she does not come home?
Am I able to legally lock the door?
Am I able to call the police when she is truant?
My goal is to keep her safe, and to keep her within the bounds of the law. To make sure to the extent I am able she hurts nobody else, or herself. Can you please tell me what I can legally do and not do? I want to be responsible.
You cannot control what she discusses. Let this go.
You can only do your best to contain her. And to try to limit how much she and her compadres hurt you, your house, and your husband.
I would lay it out and I would ask for help. I would let go what I cannot control. How much it hurts, I would try.
Court date...2/7/17
CINC case
I feel like I am more on trial than she is...
DCF is suppose to interview us soon. The last meeting was just for the rape allegation. She would not really give them more info on it, but they did have a name, and he is in prison for something else...
We saw psychologist yesterday. Difficult Child was not a happy camper for the 60 miles there, but was in a better mood on the way home.
She promises to get to school on time today and tomorrow, and to stay later. She has said that she is considering returning to regular school next month, when the new trimester starts.
Ksm
CINC case
I feel like I am more on trial than she is...
DCF is suppose to interview us soon. The last meeting was just for the rape allegation. She would not really give them more info on it, but they did have a name, and he is in prison for something else...
We saw psychologist yesterday. Difficult Child was not a happy camper for the 60 miles there, but was in a better mood on the way home.
She promises to get to school on time today and tomorrow, and to stay later. She has said that she is considering returning to regular school next month, when the new trimester starts.
Ksm
Yes, she got there on time and stayed an extra hour.
Tomorrow the DCF comes at 10am to interview husband and me. I hope it goes well and they ask all he right questions. I have so much to tell them and will be brutally honest.
But, if I bring up stuff they didn't ask about, will they think I am trying to throw Difficult Child under the bus?
husband is feeling bad and took tomorrow off work. He is retired, but has been working part time as a special needs school bus driver. I think the stress has wore him out, plus the ER visit last week and either colitis or diverticulitis episode.
I will post how things went after the visit.
Mary Wade
Tomorrow the DCF comes at 10am to interview husband and me. I hope it goes well and they ask all he right questions. I have so much to tell them and will be brutally honest.
But, if I bring up stuff they didn't ask about, will they think I am trying to throw Difficult Child under the bus?
husband is feeling bad and took tomorrow off work. He is retired, but has been working part time as a special needs school bus driver. I think the stress has wore him out, plus the ER visit last week and either colitis or diverticulitis episode.
I will post how things went after the visit.
Mary Wade
Well the DCF visit and interview was not as bad as I expected. It sounds like she will recommend to the court that Difficult Child stay here instead of foster care. She is going to ask for court supervision which will involve like a juvenile probation officer that will probably meet with her weekly and as time passes maybe every other week.
That person would do random drug screens.would also monitor her school situation her grades and truancy issues. She really doesn't skip school but it seems like every morning she feel so bad that it's a struggle to get her to school.
I am sure there will be a drug and alcohol assessment and possibly some type of addiction therapy. I hope they can mandate that she will not be allowed to hang out with those who have known legal issues.
Crossing my fingers... Ksm
That person would do random drug screens.would also monitor her school situation her grades and truancy issues. She really doesn't skip school but it seems like every morning she feel so bad that it's a struggle to get her to school.
I am sure there will be a drug and alcohol assessment and possibly some type of addiction therapy. I hope they can mandate that she will not be allowed to hang out with those who have known legal issues.
Crossing my fingers... Ksm
