WFEN -
Thank you for thinking of me.
The pain flare has subsided which is wonderful. Which means I can stand for more than 2 minutes at a time. It doesn't mean I'm pain free, but I don't have pain with just being. I can be functional. I can't do what I could do prior to all this - clean the house in one fell swoop, for example - but I can function. I managed to vacuum the entire house yesterday and it wasn't until near the end that I was really uncomfortable.
The fatigue is much better, too. Still easily fatigued, but it's not overwhelming.
I'm learning to do the best with what I've got and trying not to measure it against what I'm used to or what I think it should be.
For example, it used to be when I cleaned the house I detailed in my head how long each task would take: 20 min to vacuum, 30 min to dust, etc, etc, etc. And if it took me longer I would start to get frustrated. Ok. A little Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) maybe, I admit. And I never just surface cleaned. Cleaning the kitchen meant everything came off the counters, was scrubbed, elements out of the stove and the stove scrubbed, dishwasher, microwave, cabinets, you get the idea.
And now I'm trying to listen to my body. I still push through the discomfort, but I realize that I can do the counters today and the stove tomorrow. Or next week. It's not going anywhere. And those little cleaning elves still haven't made an appearance at my house.
And I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm rejoicing in the fact that I can at least do what I'm doing. I couldn't do it for the last month. And some people never can. So, really I'm very lucky - blessed - and I'm trying to remain cognizant of that. Instead of thinking of how I think it should be or comparing it to how it used to be.
I'm thinking about getting a mobile stool for in the kitchen. It doesn't take very long for me to be in pain from standing at the counter. TimerLady sent me a link to an affordable one, but it looks like it will still put a lot of weight/pressure on my hips and lower back. I found another one that looks like it would work well, but it was over $200 and I don't want to shell out that kind of money if this is something that can be fixed and I don't end up needing the stool for that long, Know what I mean?? So, I'm holding off for now, but I have it in the back of my mind.
I was so muddled the last couple of weeks and that makes all of this so much harder. I can deal with the physical part. I don't like it and it's been hard to accept, but I can. But when I'm so muddled and easily confused, I just fall apart. It's very disconcerting.
Thank you for thinking of me.
