frustrated, with the bus, with myself...

[AnnieO]

OK that's IT. No one else has kids who hit them is a HUGE STEAMING PILE OF MALE BOVINE MANURE! GRRRRRRR!!! I will find you another DV person to talk to. There HAS to be more than one.

Now as for not having kids with Q's specific issues - well, maybe not, but still.

And... Having seen a friend or two go through: abuse from a parent, spouse, child, (and even another friend)... They have all experienced it. They have all needed help from their OWN perspective - not from that of the abuser.

Ugh, I hate society sometimes.

 

[buddy]

I said that to her, that I knew it was unlikely that people had kids like Q with the developmental issues etc, but that I KNEW there were lots of parents who are hurt by their kids, and she said maybe so but they dont have any. She was very nice and all but her advice was to call the county and get him a psychologist. I said thank you......I'll look into that, LOL

 

[InsaneCdn]

Susie, I called the domestic violence center and they said none of the people they serve even have kids who hit them, for any reason much less a disability. She said no one would be able to relate to me. Oh well.

Buddy... no. blinkin. way.
I know of a family where... they had to have 24-hr police alarm buttons - direct, 100% immediate police dispatch - because of a kid. In that case, this was after the kid was taken out of the home (likely Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), foster kid). But still... to say that "nobody" has gone through DV because of a kid?
no. blinkin. way.

 

[buddy]

SW from school called, said they want an IEP meeting sooner than later (of course I have been asking since the first meeting with them) but now it is their concerns and so they want it at 2 on Monday and that means only their issue is going to be discussed. UGGG. she said she knows I have been wanting to try to have one and I said yes but I want to meet all the players and discuss all of his needs and this sounds like a crisis meeting (having been down this road) well she says we will have to just make sure everyone moves along what they want to say so we can write a safety plan for Q. OK so in other words we are NOT going to have the IEP meeting I wanted so why even pretend???
I know full well this is my frustration over the OLD school coming out on them but I can't stop the feelings about it even when I tell myself these are different people. I straight up asked, are there issues I dont know about???

Well she says, he took the keys from a staff person (still dont know how he did this three times, even I know to put my keys in a pocket or purse and hide them...once??? but three times??!!!!) and ran to see the pool, he did not jump in or anything, he really wanted to see it.

I told them early on that he woudl be obsessed with it because he likes to SEE everything, businesses that are being built etc. show him once and it is out of his mind. Then he went to the weight room and swung those free weights, again teacher made it seem like they took care of it so not so big a deal and then she said he was hitting people with a hockey stick, again, teacher told me he was swinging it and said would it hurt if I hit you with it and they talked about it.....

This just makes me feel like at the old school when sp ed staff said one thing then admin called and said a different thing. I called the law advocate and she can attend and I am trying to get ahold of the psychiatric we use to come too. The law advocate said every kid there has a safety plan and it is different so not to worry. OK I want to believe that but until I go through it a few times I can imagine it is going to just feel this way.

I feel like I am sick to my stomach.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Buddy... sure, short-notice and all, but... still play it to your advantage. Don't try for a full review, as you know it can't be done, but... are there one or two key points you'd like to really highlight? Might be a chance... even if it's just "we need to get the full IEP meeting rolling ASAP".

 

[StressedM0mma]

Buddy, I am so sorry that you are having a rough go of it right now. I can not believe there are no places you can go for counseling. Most churches around here will counsel even if you are not a member. Here we also have something similar to a group practice that is run by several different churches. They are free or low cost. Also, are you near a University? When we were looking for help for difficult child, one of the places they recommended was the psychiatric Dept. of our local University. It was only going to be a few dollars per session, and doctoral students were the ones running the sessions. It might be something else you could look into.

Get yourself to the Dr. and back on the Lexapro or something similar. At least for awhile. Let everything settle for a little bit. Take care of yourself friend.

 

[buddy]

uggg and now my paycheck is going down, gotta do some research, when it rains it pours....

 

[InsaneCdn]

If your paycheck goes down, does it put you below the cutoffs, so you can get food stamps, and some of the other benefits? like maybe medical for you? If so... you might come out ahead?
(I can hope, can't I?)

 

[recoveringenabler]

Gee Buddy, I'm so sorry about how you are feeling. You've been through so much. I understand about wanting to wait on the medications, I have some ideas for free/low cost therapy.

*Contact the counseling center at your alma mater, tell them that you are a alumnus who genuinely needs their help. If possible, pay a visit to the center and talk to the director of the counseling center.

*If you know someone who is seeing a therapist or you know of a good therapist, call them and ask them if they do sliding scale, if they do and they have a set price, ask if they are willing to negotiate a lower price, that you are in dire need and will be a great client. If all else fails, ask them if they know of another therapist who does sliding scale.

"Almost all hospitals, clinics, and community agencies charge according to a sliding scale. In other words, you may pay less than the full fee depending on your income, number of dependents, and so on.Don’t make the mistake of thinking that sliding scales are only for the benefit of the very poor. In reality, most working-class and middle-class clients will also qualify for a reduced fee.You also may not realize that even many private therapists offer a sliding scale or reduced fee program for clients who could not otherwise afford therapy. Remember that it never hurts to ask.If you have serious financial difficulties, you may be provided services free of charge. If you can’t track down these opportunities, contact your county’s mental health or social services program."​

*contact NAMI-National Alliance of Mental Illness and if they don't have what you want, a therapist or a group, ask for a referral.

Buddy, you deserve the exact same care and support as you would provide for Q, maybe more because he is in your care and you have to be at the top of your game for him.. I'm a BIG believer in those of us who provide so much care for these children require equal care for ourselves, it is a very tough job and as woman we are spring loaded to deplete ourselves in the service of others. Do not do this. Find a safe, nurturing place where you can go and vent, let go, just chat, get support, get advice, acknowledgement, tools, understanding, compassion, unconditional care and someone who you can develop a connection with who sees you and hears you and will take care of you. Find ways each day to tenderly care for yourself, get very, very good at self care, it will get you through this. Get your nails done, get a massage, buy yourself flowers, go to lunch with a girl friend and laugh, take a walk, be in nature, meditate, pray, whatever it takes to nourish you. You sound depleted to me and you need to nourish yourself, that balance of giving must be equal to receiving or you will burn yourself out.

You are a wonderful, caring, loving woman. You deserve to be well cared for. HUGS to you Buddy. Big HUGS...................