Getting very anxious waiting for results

[KFld]

As I'm waiting to find out the results of the paternity test I am getting very anxious.
for a short time I was beginning to hope the baby is his because I was thinking how exciting it will be to have a little baby in the family. Now I'm beginning to focus more on what it will be like to have to allow wingnut back into my life and I'm having flashbacks of her manipulative, no boundaries behavior and the thought of it is making me ill. I keep thinking back to the constant manipulative phone calls I used to get from her when there wasn't a baby involved. I can't even imagine what she will be like now everytime my difficult child does something that she will feel the need to tell me about.

I really hope we get these results soon so I can stop wondering and have the answer!!!!

I should tell difficult child to call his worker at DSS and ask her how long it will be before he hears anything????

 

[DammitJanet]

If the baby is his all I can tell you is my experience. You know I am not overly fond of the mom in our situation. She is flaky as hell and causes Cory so much grief. I put up with her because of the baby. I dont get overly involved with her or invest much emotional energy in her but the baby is what is important. It honestly wouldnt cause me to blink twice if she fell off the face of the earth sad as that is to say.

If this baby is his, you will do the same. You focus on the baby. If she chooses to call you about some garbage, you redirect the conversation to the baby and ask when you can pick her up for a weekend. In fact, I would start out from the get go and ask to set a schedule of visits for you. Say something like every other weekend of spending saturday nite with grandma and grandpa. I have a friend who does this. Their grandbaby is 6 months old now and they have been getting her since she was a month old every other weekend. I think they may get her every weekend now for an overnite. But this will be good for you and for her. If it is your grand daughter she needs to bond with you.

With wingnut constantly redirect the conversations back to the baby. That is all you have in common. If she wont redirect, you can have someone at the door, something on the stove, dye in your hair you need to rinse out...something.

 

[Hound dog]

Janet is right. If this baby is your grandaughter then your relationship with her is what is important. Focus soley on her and try to leave the Mom out of it. And with Mom being the way she is this baby is going to need as many loving stable people in her life as possible.

Setting up visitation is a wonderful idea. I encouraged N to do this right away with b/f. Since b/f still lives at home, this means his parents also get to enjoy the overnite visits with the baby. Aubrey visits Daddy and grandparents every sat nite all nite and sunday during the day. This is set in stone thru habit. But thru this it made it easier for Aubrey to be at their house more often. Now she is there with N part of every single day. And I sure don't hear the other set of grandparents complaining. :grin:

Best way to set up visitation is to say to Mom that she'd probably enjoy having a day to herself every week or every 2 weeks. And that you would enjoy having the baby visit with you so you all can get to know her better.

If the baby is difficult child's you need to focus on the positives. You'll be a grandma and get to spoil the beegeebies out of an adorable baby girl. :wink:

 

[Suz]

Karen, I can't advise you about the grandparent stuff because, thank goodness, I'm not there yet (KNOCK ON WOOD :surprise: )...but I can sit with you while you wait to get the results. It must be incredibly nerve-wracking.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[DammitJanet]

Suz...I am amazed you have avoided this so far!

 

[Suz]

Janet, BITE YOUR TONGUE!!!

(I know. Me, too. :smile: )

Suz

 

[KFld]

I'm so glad I have all of you to wait and bite your fingernails with me.

 

[witzend]

I can understand your concern. I would feel the same way. I would also advise, though, that you get to set the rules that you are comfortable with for the relationship. You can say right from the beginning that you will deal with difficult child regarding all childraising matters, and you won't be answering her calls ever - even for an emergency. If there is an emergency she can call difficult child and then he can decide whether or not to call you. You'll also be making arrangements to visit with the child with difficult child. Don't let the baby make her powerful. She's not.

 

[1905]

Every outcome will be absolutely terrific. So, look at the positive. Each thing obviously has life-long lasting effects so of course you are nervous. But, all will be revealed. And it will be ok. You will either have a beautiful new grandaughter, or wingnut will be gone for good!!! Each outcome is the best!

 

[judi]

I too have a grandchild who is now 3 months old - my son's son. My son has had no contact with us and/or the baby is over a month. We have the baby (and sometimes his older sister who is 3 1/2 yrs) every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. Mom works every other weekend and this gives her mom a break too. The older child isn't our sons child but we love her too. We buy a lot of the kids clothes, provide grocery cards, diapers, etc.. We are very fortunate that we can do this. We also have a large house and each grandchild has their own room. husband and I both enjoy our grandkids very very much.

I know the anxiety of having irresponsible parents in the picture though. Crossed fingers.

 

[Fran]

I am holding my breath waiting to know also. It seems this situation has been playing a long time. My fingers are crossed that difficult child will hold it together whichever way it goes.

 

[AliceLee]

This paternity testing really has taken a long time, hasn't it? Don't know what you can do to speed up getting results. I know you're anxious...who wouldn't be? Hang in there.

 

[JJJ]

On pins and needles for you here too. I hope it works out for the best.

 

[rejectedmom]

Karen, I too am waiting to hear the results. I'm sure it is nerve wracking for you. -RM

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Seems like this paternity test is taking forever. Just make sure difficult child gets a written copy of the results....not just something verbal from wingnut.

Sending {{{sunny hugs}}} to you.