Glad I found this group

[rjrodgersblue]

Update on my son: the public defender (an angel from heaven) talked the States Attorney into putting my son in a "diversion" program, whereby he completes to the court's satisfaction 18 months of treatment and stays out of trouble (and sober). If my son can do that, they are willing to drop all charges. This is a miracle. Remember, until I turned this whole mess over to God, it wasn't looking good for my son, sitting in jail at the time and looking at possible sentence(s) of 5-10 years. Two days after I just gave up, a new public defender took over his case and started working hard to find a solution for helping him get his bipolar disorder under control and giving up the "self medication". He has been told repeatedly that if he blows this chance, there will be no more chances and the charges will all be reinstated.
I am working with my therapist to figure out a "balance" -- of being hopeful and supportive, but not being devastated if he relapses. This is not an easy task.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Hi RJ, glad it all seems to be working out for you. The tension will slowly fade but will be a while before its gone. My wife and I still have the occasional day where we just tense up because something reminds us of the bad times, even though our son as been doing good for several years now. Our initial response to seeing his name on the phone or PM is to think "Oh God! What now?!?!" even though we haven't had one of those calls in many years. Take care of yourself. Also, you might want to add a signature so its easier for people to remember what's going on over all.

 

[JMom]

Hi RJ!

I am glad you are here. I hope your diversion program works, I wish we had that option when my son was using hard drugs. I am glad you turned it over to God. That is wonderful, as we have no control. It's just as easy to expect the best as it is to expect the worst. Relax and enjoy the time he is in treatment. Do something wonderful for yourself. A brisk walk, bubble bath, read a book, comedy movies...the possibilities are endless for self care!

Hugs,
Jmom

 

[Carri]

Hello,
I googled 'should I bail my adult son out of jail' this past Wednesday, and found this group. I knew what I needed to do (not bail him out) but this is extremely difficult for me to do and I needed to hear other's stories so that I would have the willpower I need. My son was arrested at 1:38 a.m. Wednesday morning, and the reasons are so bizarre, I have to call it a stunt. However, we went way too far and now has a couple of very serious felony charges against him. My sadness comes from the death of what I envisioned for his future -- his life will be so difficult going forward.
I have a supportive husband and family and I know I will get through this. Just every so often, a wave of grief washes over me that is so powerful, it takes my breath away.
Thanks to you all for your stories.

I know what you mean about the wave of grief (and fear for me) that literally takes your breath away. It sneaks up on me out of nowhere. I don't think it will ever stop, but when it happens, I've gotten better at redirecting my thoughts, taking a few deep breaths and then I just keep going. It's good to know we're not alone with these powerful feelings. by the way, I did bail my son out of jail once. Just once. I guess I had to check that off of my list. We do what we have to do, for ourselves. This is a great group, a hidden gem.

 

[Carri]

I agree with Overcome Mom. Jail and prison are NOT the kinds of fun that anybody should look for. All of the things O.M says are true.

I got the idea that it could be fun for a lot of the guys, because THEY TOLD ME. From the point of view of immature, wild, idiotic young men...they can make it fun. (This is not to gloss over the horrors of it, that overcome mom aptly points out.)

For a long while, I worked in a reception center doing preliminary mental health screenings, among other things. I could see 40 men each morning. I saw slews and slews of prisoners in their 20's and then at about 29 or so, a huge dropoff. When men in their mid 30's, parole violators or those with new beefs, would come back, I would ask them, how did you stay out? It wasn't fun anymore they would say. The brains of many males don't even begin to mature until 29 or 30. I count my own son among them.

I have this tendency to be optimistic about everything...that we can't get out of. I think a positive attitude helps us survive, even thrive in adversity. I don't want this Mom to be afraid.

My son tells me he doesn’t mind jail. That it’s a break for him, a chance to rest and get healthy since he lives on the streets. To regroup. Go g
figure.

 

[RN0441]

Glad you turned it over to God. That is what I did also and continue to do and it helps tremendously.

When I get uptight I say it over and over again, that God is in charge and it gives me peace.

That is the ONLY way to go through this if you ask me. I don't know how anyone can do it alone.

In fact, it's the only way to get through life in general, because it is tough!!

Prayers and hugs. Keep us posted.

 

[Mamacat]

My son spent a month in one jail and two weeks in another. It was enough to make him know he didn’t want to go back. His life is now moving in a different direction. There’s always hope as long as they’re still breathing.