Suz, I'm not rushing to judge. The police and the school have said their piece and justified their actions. They are experienced at dealing with both the interactions and with the need to explain their response publicly. And yet they have not convinced me.
A small kid will smile when he feels insecure or anxious. It is an appeasement response designed to indicate to the observer, "I am not a threat." yes, he used bad language. yes, he threatened to kill a teacher and admits he really felt like he meant it. I remember times when I was a kid when I really, really wanted to kill the person who was obstructing me. I actually smashed a girl over the head with a brass handbell when I was 11 years old. She had been taunting me for a long time - months. At the time I hit her, I meant to hurt her. I literally saw red - my vision went red. A teacher saw it, I was in trouble. All day I expected to be expelled. I dreaded going home, I had been told my mother had been called and I knew she would be furious with me, despite provocation. But - nothing. I waited all evening for the phone call from my former friend's parents. Nothing. To this day I don't know why, because the girl did have to go home after I hit her. But there were also other times when I had been provoked and I know I really wanted to kill the other person. I yelled it and I meant it. Pepper spray would not have helped.
It is quite likely the kid only has problems at school, especially if the school are riding him hard and the mother's way of coping is to let him follow his own routine. I have seen this many times and it is not necessarily parental denial.
Even if this kid is a horror, a deliberately badly behaved monster who began acting violently and aggressively, I cannot see why two policemen and several teaches couldn't have found a less violent way to teach a child not to be violent and aggressive. Even if the knife had been real, the biggest fear would have been for the child's own safety, since all others could leave the room. it was not a hostage situation.
it seems to me that people hear, "I will kill you" from a child (and where does the child learn this? It's sad, but society teaches them it's a threat that makes people pay attention to them at last) and react as if it is a serious, genuine threat from someone large enough and strong enough to follow through.
Murder is planned and premeditated. Kids who shout, "I will kill you!" are acting on impulse and generally haven't a clue how to follow through, even if they are actually angry enough to ant to do it - for that instant. it passes. it does not last. And believe me - what follows, slams into the kid hard (I speak from personal experience) is guilt and depression so deep, so black, that it brings its own punishment. At such a time I would admit to guilt in anything and be sobbing any time I was on my own, but covering up when around other people. i often would run away and hide, often for hours. Up a tree, under the house, in the bush.
if I had been tasered or maced, I would have had two possible reactions:
1) mea culpa, I deserved that, because the guilt feelings are so strong I often felt I needed to be hurt physically as badly as I felt emotionally. Amazingly, I was never a cutter. But I did visualise it, often.
OR
2) How dare they? That was far worse than what I did. I don't care - I'm glad I did it now, they deserved it. And I'll do it again. I'll show them, the slimeballs (insert swear words of your choice).
And anything in between.
I do know that if we punish difficult child 3 too harshly, he will instantly go form borderline apologetic to justifiable rage and we have lost our chance to teach him how to behave better.
Marg