My heart is out to you. It would seem you have done all you can, yet as I have, get caught up in the next step, which is up to our kids. I am constantly battling this, but go back to taking back my own control. This is an adult. Can I say I have done all I could? If the answer is yes, you must please focus on self! So many folks here resonated with me, as their kids were holding them as emotional hostage. That can't if you refuse to let them, and you can set healthy boundaries.
Before you think wow this chick has it together, pls know I spent a day in bed sobbing. Morning is so hard, when a Narcissistic daughter tortures you with emotional hostage content of an innocent grandson. But today, my younger daughter is off for a week and I invited her to lunch. She blew me off, so NOT like her. I truly believe she is afraid of pissing off her sister, as she loves her sweet nephew as do I. YET. I can now see that my eldest is leveraging her child like a pawn in a game. How can others not feel they are one step away from her controlling BS. I am SO ashamed at her behavior, but when her Dad and I divorced after his affair ( I took care of him when he had cancer at this time, so he could choose from a place of wellness) am still and ever friends with his first ex wife and my step daughter, as are my kids. I don't need a fricken medal. But I blended a family, never ever kept any family, including my in laws and ex away for them for a minute! Always hoped for the best.
My mom was abusive to me and my siblings. Neither of them have kids. When I has my first kid, 30 years ago, I prayed my mom could perhaps be a better Grandma than a MOM. I brought them to visit my Dad and Mom. Within 11 years, they begged not to go there as "Nana" made them so very uncomfortable. Continued visits with my Dad when he was at a CP Traumatic Brain Injury place. They adored him.
I lost both my parents within 4 months
Bottom line - God this I a very strong, but some days I sure don't feel it. Keep the faith, my dear and please take good care of YOU. big hugs -