He’s Back
- Thread starter Littleboylost
- Start date
ColleenB
Active Member
LBL
You have come so far and the goal of rehab is in sight! Sometimes this is when it gets the most exhausting.... I don’t blame you for feeling relief when he stayed at GFs ,I often felt that way when Son was living in terrible places but at least I didn’t have to witness it.i remember one place he lived has drug addicts downstairs and they were old timers and I can remember thinking that would be him.... and I would still be visiting and dropping off KD to him.... but I would be an old lady. I remember the despair I felt he would never want to get better and be a “normal” person.
I still can’t believe how quickly he turned it around once HE decided. Nothing I had done or said made a difference. Even the intervention his friends did wasn’t the catalyst however it did give him resolve and made him see he needed help. He told me the other day he made the decision in the spring ( when he first called and told me he wanted to go to detox) but it did take a few slips and scares (and a bad car accident) to get him to take it the next level... I pray everyday this is it. But who knows...
Your son is so young and you do have rehab coming so I think surviving the next weeks is key... you can do this. You have been through much more. But I know you are tired, and I hope you can find the strength to take care of you .... almost there!
I don’t come here as often now that Son is sober but I am not at the finish line either and come to see you all and check in.
Hugs all....
You have come so far and the goal of rehab is in sight! Sometimes this is when it gets the most exhausting.... I don’t blame you for feeling relief when he stayed at GFs ,I often felt that way when Son was living in terrible places but at least I didn’t have to witness it.i remember one place he lived has drug addicts downstairs and they were old timers and I can remember thinking that would be him.... and I would still be visiting and dropping off KD to him.... but I would be an old lady. I remember the despair I felt he would never want to get better and be a “normal” person.
I still can’t believe how quickly he turned it around once HE decided. Nothing I had done or said made a difference. Even the intervention his friends did wasn’t the catalyst however it did give him resolve and made him see he needed help. He told me the other day he made the decision in the spring ( when he first called and told me he wanted to go to detox) but it did take a few slips and scares (and a bad car accident) to get him to take it the next level... I pray everyday this is it. But who knows...
Your son is so young and you do have rehab coming so I think surviving the next weeks is key... you can do this. You have been through much more. But I know you are tired, and I hope you can find the strength to take care of you .... almost there!
I don’t come here as often now that Son is sober but I am not at the finish line either and come to see you all and check in.
Hugs all....
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
LBL
I too have some guilt that I am happy my son is not with us right now.
My home is happy. My home is stress free. I like coming home now.
Sad but true. When they are addicts and raising hell in our home they don't get it. As my husband said, our son probably does not even remember half of the stuff he has done.
Does that mean he is guilt free or I cannot carry anger for these things? I don't think so. I want these feelings recognized and addressed by HIM.
You work hard and deserve a peaceful home. We want to move on and forgive and forget but until they are sober and working on recovery, it's just not our reality.
Hugs.
I too have some guilt that I am happy my son is not with us right now.
My home is happy. My home is stress free. I like coming home now.
Sad but true. When they are addicts and raising hell in our home they don't get it. As my husband said, our son probably does not even remember half of the stuff he has done.
Does that mean he is guilt free or I cannot carry anger for these things? I don't think so. I want these feelings recognized and addressed by HIM.
You work hard and deserve a peaceful home. We want to move on and forgive and forget but until they are sober and working on recovery, it's just not our reality.
Hugs.
Sam3
Active Member
Colleen
First of all I am thrilled for your son and your family. Not only because he is sober but maybe even more so because he is woke to his own issues. That can’t be undone.
LBL. I completely agree with Colleen’s advice. Acting up as rehab approaches is probably to be expected. It could be the addict trying to survive but it could also just be the kid who is afraid of the unknown or of change or of failing (or succeeding).
There are so many stories about repeated rehab stints but I also know a couple young people who were forced into in-patient at the same time as my son, who woke during rehab. So it can happen.
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strangeworld
Active Member
The guilt of liking it better when they are not home. I think this is the absolute worst feeling. Because what mother would rather her kid be anywhere but home...even if it means on the streets or in the park? Especially a 100 lb girl? This mom. I know exactly that guilty feeling that seems to be a common one among most of us. But it makes complete sense really after the abuse they hurl at us, the manipulation and turmoil and destruction they cause. My daughter was gone 17 days and I texted her (the night of my last dismal post) to see how she was doing. Stupid question....I know she is not doing well. It opened the door for her to ask if she could come home for the night. Sudden cold sweat and nervous anxiety. I said yes. Hubs picked her up. She came home, looked high, ate, went to her room, was up and down stairs all night it seemed getting food or tea or whatever. Next day she showered (yay!!!), did a load of laundry (another yay!!!) packed up her stuff and I dropped her off in town. At least there were no meltdowns or outbursts. Sjevhas sh** sje needs to do like call about her food stamps expiring and she has a $500 fine for being in the park after hours on Halloween and now failure to appear. It's now in county collections accruing interest. I guess I told her to call the DAs office to see how she can work it off. She just says "I don't know how they can fine me when I didn't even know about the court date"...no urgency. Ugh.
LBL I hope your son can find a new start in rehab. And I wish you peace. Your strength really is commendable and admirable.
LBL I hope your son can find a new start in rehab. And I wish you peace. Your strength really is commendable and admirable.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thank you all for your kind words and support. It helps. Especially when the house is so quiet. Husband is away on a business trip and son is still gone. No word no text nothing. Just gone.
I'm following your journey too LBL and want to add my support.
You've been thru hell these last months and kept your strength and courage under very difficult circumstances.....and I know how hard it's been on your heart....
Sending hugs. Take good, nurturing care of yourself.
You've been thru hell these last months and kept your strength and courage under very difficult circumstances.....and I know how hard it's been on your heart....
Sending hugs. Take good, nurturing care of yourself.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Yesterday I got a message from rehab intake that my son had not answered her calls or texts. He wasn’t answering mine either.
Come to find he has lost his phone, left it at a McDonalds. He is in a panic because he knows we said we would not purchase another phone or phone plan for him and that was the last phone I had purchased him. I had just put $ on his pre paid plan with Christmas money he received from relatives.
I informed rehab of this and I informed him that he has an intake follow up appointment next week. This of course triggered my PTSD in a bad way. Rough night.
Today is a new day.
Still no word on a bed yet sigh. I go through the what if’s and there’s is not point to it. If he had only gone to rehab and not gotten into trouble with the he law....if he had asked for MH diversion in youth court he would have had priority for a rehab bed...if If if...blah blah blah. It is what it is.
Come to find he has lost his phone, left it at a McDonalds. He is in a panic because he knows we said we would not purchase another phone or phone plan for him and that was the last phone I had purchased him. I had just put $ on his pre paid plan with Christmas money he received from relatives.
I informed rehab of this and I informed him that he has an intake follow up appointment next week. This of course triggered my PTSD in a bad way. Rough night.
Today is a new day.
Still no word on a bed yet sigh. I go through the what if’s and there’s is not point to it. If he had only gone to rehab and not gotten into trouble with the he law....if he had asked for MH diversion in youth court he would have had priority for a rehab bed...if If if...blah blah blah. It is what it is.
Lost in sadness
Active Member
Thinking if you today! Hang in there, you will get through this. I am trying to use ‘self talk’, it kinda works. He COULD borrow a phone or give another contact number. Xx
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
LBL
You have been waiting so long. We wait for them to get in rehab and put all our eggs in one basket and then they aren't miraculously cured and we are devestated.
I have been there many times. It's heart wrenching and out of our control.
I hope and pray he gets there soon and takes is all seriously. You are doing and have done all you can do. You have to take a step back and take care of yourself.
We can't ask the what if's. We aren't in control of the universe. We have to let the what if's go.
You have been waiting so long. We wait for them to get in rehab and put all our eggs in one basket and then they aren't miraculously cured and we are devestated.
I have been there many times. It's heart wrenching and out of our control.
I hope and pray he gets there soon and takes is all seriously. You are doing and have done all you can do. You have to take a step back and take care of yourself.
We can't ask the what if's. We aren't in control of the universe. We have to let the what if's go.
Lil
Well-Known Member
What kind of mother feels better when her kid is gone?
Pretty much ALL OF US!
I don't know what's worse...dealing with the drugs or other misbehavior when you are with them, or spending the day at work thinking that tonight will be the night things will be okay, it'll be a pleasant dinner/evening...and the crushing disappointment when it all goes straight to Hell. It's completely understandable and you really shouldn't feel guilty. We've all been there.
Stick to your guns.
Pretty much ALL OF US!
I don't know what's worse...dealing with the drugs or other misbehavior when you are with them, or spending the day at work thinking that tonight will be the night things will be okay, it'll be a pleasant dinner/evening...and the crushing disappointment when it all goes straight to Hell. It's completely understandable and you really shouldn't feel guilty. We've all been there.
Stick to your guns.
ColleenB
Active Member
I know the panic of unanswered calls and texts well.... I’m sure we all do.
So frustrating to be waiting so long! I know once he gets there you will have some reprieve from the constant anxiety and worry. This is not a journey any of us wished to take with our kids and only those who have been on it can really understand . When I hear others complain about routine or normal things their kids are doing I feel like saying “oh lighten up!” And have to bite my tongue not to be dismissive of their reality. I would never have guessed or predicted this horrible experience and I know my son will be an addict his whole life. I’m sure we will have other times he struggles and I can’t even let myself go there mentally or emotionally. I try so hard to live in the moment and be positive today. Most days I can. For now.
You have been through so much and are so strong. But I know how much it drains you and is so exhausting! Know you aren’t alone on this very treacherous journey, there are many of us and even though it can feel lonely know you are not alone.
Hugs
So frustrating to be waiting so long! I know once he gets there you will have some reprieve from the constant anxiety and worry. This is not a journey any of us wished to take with our kids and only those who have been on it can really understand . When I hear others complain about routine or normal things their kids are doing I feel like saying “oh lighten up!” And have to bite my tongue not to be dismissive of their reality. I would never have guessed or predicted this horrible experience and I know my son will be an addict his whole life. I’m sure we will have other times he struggles and I can’t even let myself go there mentally or emotionally. I try so hard to live in the moment and be positive today. Most days I can. For now.
You have been through so much and are so strong. But I know how much it drains you and is so exhausting! Know you aren’t alone on this very treacherous journey, there are many of us and even though it can feel lonely know you are not alone.
Hugs
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thank you all so very much, UGHHH just UGHHH!! he lost his phone missed an intake update call from rehab. I am thankful the intake coordinator and I have developed an excellent rapport and she called me before reporting him AWOL to the courts.
We sorted it all out with much anxiety on my part and my son admitting that he had a sever panic attack over the whole ordeal....hmmm finally facing reality.
He scrambled his butt and found his phone in a McDonalds toilet where he had left it 3 days prior ( I know I may never frequent a McDonalds again after visualizing their lack of cleaning protocols gah!).
He was given an ear bashing by the intake coordinator who told him he is on thin ice, failing grades, poor attendance and no out patient program ( between us all here this was an anticipated outcome for all of us bar my son). She informed me she has a bed intake meeting next week and has put him on the highly volatile list. Lets hope we hear some good news next week. If he had have followed through with a request for a MH diversion with his juvenile charges he would already be in a bed. Colossal waste of time, it does show him his plan was not successful in any shape. Intake states he said he really wants rehab and knows he needs it. Well that may be fear of prison talking, it is what it is.
We sorted it all out with much anxiety on my part and my son admitting that he had a sever panic attack over the whole ordeal....hmmm finally facing reality.
He scrambled his butt and found his phone in a McDonalds toilet where he had left it 3 days prior ( I know I may never frequent a McDonalds again after visualizing their lack of cleaning protocols gah!).
He was given an ear bashing by the intake coordinator who told him he is on thin ice, failing grades, poor attendance and no out patient program ( between us all here this was an anticipated outcome for all of us bar my son). She informed me she has a bed intake meeting next week and has put him on the highly volatile list. Lets hope we hear some good news next week. If he had have followed through with a request for a MH diversion with his juvenile charges he would already be in a bed. Colossal waste of time, it does show him his plan was not successful in any shape. Intake states he said he really wants rehab and knows he needs it. Well that may be fear of prison talking, it is what it is.
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
Hope for the best but detach from the outcome - you know this.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Well it’s offical. He will get Zero out of 4 credits this semester. What a colossal waste of time.
Not that I expected anything different. But the reality always smarts just a little more than the knowing anticipation of it all.
Not that I expected anything different. But the reality always smarts just a little more than the knowing anticipation of it all.
ColleenB
Active Member
LBL,
I think you knew he wasn’t going to get his credits, as his actions haven’t been showing any real commitment. His brain isn’t ready to learn. When my son kept going back to university (four times!) and failed out all but the first one, I knew he couldn’t learn but he kept wanting to go back and I felt I had to support him. By the fourth time I wasn’t at all surprised. I knew as long as he was still using he couldn’t. This is the first term he has been successful and it shows us he is finally turning a corner but he has been sober, which is making all the difference.
He wanted to do well each time he went back, I believe that, but he couldn’t as his head was still in the fog of addiction. I honestly don’t think your sons brain is in a place he can learn. As a counsellor and educator I see kids who are in crisis and to be honest, one of the hardest parts is convincing the teachers and sometimes parents that this child can not learn as long as they are in a crisis state. Their “lid is flipped” and they are incapable of retaining any real learning.
I think keeping the focus on the rehab bed and getting him there is crucial. Learning can happen once he is not in crisis or addict brain.
Hugs friend.... I know that feeling of disappointment and sadness ....
I think you knew he wasn’t going to get his credits, as his actions haven’t been showing any real commitment. His brain isn’t ready to learn. When my son kept going back to university (four times!) and failed out all but the first one, I knew he couldn’t learn but he kept wanting to go back and I felt I had to support him. By the fourth time I wasn’t at all surprised. I knew as long as he was still using he couldn’t. This is the first term he has been successful and it shows us he is finally turning a corner but he has been sober, which is making all the difference.
He wanted to do well each time he went back, I believe that, but he couldn’t as his head was still in the fog of addiction. I honestly don’t think your sons brain is in a place he can learn. As a counsellor and educator I see kids who are in crisis and to be honest, one of the hardest parts is convincing the teachers and sometimes parents that this child can not learn as long as they are in a crisis state. Their “lid is flipped” and they are incapable of retaining any real learning.
I think keeping the focus on the rehab bed and getting him there is crucial. Learning can happen once he is not in crisis or addict brain.
Hugs friend.... I know that feeling of disappointment and sadness ....
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thanks CB
Just hanging in there. I wish I could drive him to rehab TODAY!!!
Just hanging in there. I wish I could drive him to rehab TODAY!!!
