He signed the birth certificate. Aaarrrrgggghhh~

[TerryJ2]

The ONE time he takes the initiative to do something, and it's something that I don't want and should not be done. And he has been TOLD.
He rode his bike to the hospital, visited D and S, and signed the birth certificate.
^*(##%%@@*!^%$*!!!!
So I'm still doing a DNA test, just to see ... I registered online. I swabbed Difficult Child. Now I have to swab the baby. Preferably before Monday so I can get it in the mail first thing Mon. a.m.

 

[AppleCori]

OMG, Terry!

Why do these kids do the exact opposite of what we tell them to do for their own best interests? I wonder what he would have done if you had told him TO sign it!

On the off-chance that it is not his (weren't you pretty sure it is?) maybe you can run right to court with a lawyer and see about getting his name off before any child support is awarded?

How is the baby doing today?

 

[Lil]

Yes...it's not fatal. However, you probably have to get a court order to remove it if the DNA test comes back negative. It usually takes several months to get child support ordered, even assuming she goes to child support enforcement as soon as she can. So...get the test. If positive, well that's that. If negative, then you get a lawyer's advice on how to proceed, file in court if necessary. If she tries to get child support while the suit is pending you get the court to issue a stay order.

So..yeah. Stupid, but not the end of the world.

 

[TerryJ2]

Gm T and D brought the baby over yesterday after her first well-baby checkup. She weighs a little over 5 lbs but is doing fine.
D had a procedure done at the ER the night before, where the dr took blood from her arm, and patched it into an epidural in her spine. Something about clotting.
The headaches and nausea are gone!!!!
I have never seen her so animated.
At the end of the visit, I knew that I'd never be alone with the baby, so I told them that I had already paid for a paternity test but that since I took Difficult Child's swab, I had nothing to match it to. So I was going to get the baby's saliva, since I'd already paid for it. T's eyebrows raised but she said, "Well, if you've already paid for it."
I said this is not the one that goes to court, since it's got to be Difficult Child who is the father,and he wants to be the dad anyway, but since I already paid for it ...
And then I talked about how I had my DNA done for the Nat'l Geo Migration Genome Project, and how they didn't need to have theirs done because we knew that D was 3/4 English and 1/4 Native American ... and T was off and talking about herself. Whew.
I also told them that two of my sisters are sending gifts so they were happy about that.

I'm sure when they got home, they went, WTH?

So I should have the results Fri or Mon.

 

[Lil]

And then I talked about how I had my DNA done for the Nat'l Geo Migration Genome Project, and how they didn't need to have theirs done because we knew that D was 3/4 English and 1/4 Native American ... and T was off and talking about herself. Whew.

Brilliantly done. lol Nothing like a little misdirection.

 

[dstc_99]

LOL - Bright shiny object. I love it when I can distract people with bright shiny objects.

 

[witzend]

It's literally almost impossible even with a DNA test to get the birth certificate altered. The only way is both named parents sign off on it, someone else adopts the child (which both named parents sign off on), or you prove he was legally incompetent to sign AND he wasn't the father.

The courts don't care about DNA. The courts care about who other than the state is going to be financially responsible to cover child support so that they don't have to pay (or can collect from him later) when she goes on the dole.

Yes...it's not fatal. However, you probably have to get a court order to remove it if the DNA test comes back negative. It usually takes several months to get child support ordered, even assuming she goes to child support enforcement as soon as she can. So...get the test. If positive, well that's that. If negative, then you get a lawyer's advice on how to proceed, file in court if necessary. If she tries to get child support while the suit is pending you get the court to issue a stay order.

So..yeah. Stupid, but not the end of the world.

 

[Lil]

The only way is both named parents sign off on it, someone else adopts the child (which both named parents sign off on), or you prove he was legally incompetent to sign AND he wasn't the father.

With all due respect, laws vary greatly from state to state. Where I'm from an action for non-paternity is not that unusual and not that difficult, especially under these circumstances. Now, if you wait until the kid is 8 or 10 years old, sure. Men have been known to be told they have to continue to support after proving they aren't the father. But if you file when the child is still an infant, it's actually fairly simple.

I suspect in most states when you have an 18 year old father, especially one with verifiable emotional problems, and he files right away, it's not going to be too difficult. Terry needs to talk to a lawyer in her state.

Of course, if the DNA test is positive, the entire question is moot anyway.

 

[witzend]

With all due respect, since he signed it and if he doesn't ask for it prior to taking on the financial responsibility in any way shape or form - buying diapers, food, clothing, sharing a home, etc. - and she contests it, you're mistaken.

With all due respect, laws vary greatly from state to state. Where I'm from an action for non-paternity is not that unusual and not that difficult, especially under these circumstances. Now, if you wait until the kid is 8 or 10 years old, sure. Men have been known to be told they have to continue to support after proving they aren't the father. But if you file when the child is still an infant, it's actually fairly simple.

I suspect in most states when you have an 18 year old father, especially one with verifiable emotional problems, and he files right away, it's not going to be too difficult. Terry needs to talk to a lawyer in her state.

Of course, if the DNA test is positive, the entire question is moot anyway.

 

[Lil]

With all due respect, since he signed it and if he doesn't ask for it prior to taking on the financial responsibility in any way shape or form - buying diapers, food, clothing, sharing a home, etc. - you're mistaken.

Arguing back and forth about this is silly. I work in child support. It's literally the only law I've practiced for 21 years and before that I spent six years in private practice. If it's done quickly, odds are better. I see cases frequently where the legal father has been removed from the birth certificate. It's certainly not impossible.

I'll say it again, laws vary from state to state. Terry needs to consult a lawyer in her own state to see where they stand if the DNA test is negative.

 

[witzend]

"Almost literally impossible" (my words) with three legal caveats given for action to be taken right away by the signers of the certificate is most certainly not "impossible" (your word for what I said) unless you don't understand "literally". And Terry herself can't do a thing about it - she has no standing whatsoever. If her son signed it and doesn't change his mind right away and waits, it gets more difficult as you have said in your response.

I won't deny that I speak quite literally, and don't appreciate having my words modified to mean something else by someone who then picks a fight with me over something I didn't say.

Arguing back and forth about this is silly. I work in child support. It's literally the only law I've practiced for 21 years and before that I spent six years in private practice. If it's done quickly, odds are better. I see cases frequently where the legal father has been removed from the birth certificate. It's certainly not impossible.

I'll say it again, laws vary from state to state. Terry needs to consult a lawyer in her own state to see where they stand if the DNA test is negative.

 

[TerryJ2]

Found the info online.
Interesting website. I'll know whether I have to go through this by next Monday, I hope.

B. A new certificate of birth may be prepared by the State Registrar for a child born in the Commonwealth upon receipt of the certified copies of a document signed by a man indicating his consent to submit to scientifically reliable genetic tests, including blood tests, to determine paternity and the genetic test results affirming at least a 98% probability of paternity from an ABBA-approved laboratory, together with a request from the biological mother, biological father or person having legal custody of the child that such new certificate be prepared. Changing the child's surname to the biological father's surname requires the signatures of both parents or (i) the father in the case of death or incapacity of the mother or (ii) the mother in the case of the death or incapacity of the father.

22VAC 40-880-170. Establishing paternity.
In order for the department to establish a child support obligation and to enforce and collect child support payments from a putative father, the father must be determined to be legally responsible for the support of the child. In situations in which a putative father has not been legally determined to be the father of the child, paternity must be established before a child support obligation can be administratively ordered or court ordered. The department pursues paternity establishment in accordance with §§ 20-49.1 through 20-49.9 and 63.1-250.1:2 of the Code of Virginia. [More]

 

[witzend]

"A new certificate of birth may be prepared by the State Registrar for a child born in the Commonwealth upon... ...together with a request from the biological mother, biological father or person having legal custody of the child that such new certificate be prepared."

Yep. Sounds right. And not like something bio-mom is going to let slide with no objection. All you can do for now is help him to be the best father (and her to be the best mother, if possible) that he can be.

 

[Lil]

I won't deny that I speak quite literally, and don't appreciate having my words modified to mean something else by someone who then picks a fight with me over something I didn't say.

Oh for Heaven's sake I am NOT trying to pick a fight and I don't understand why you're being so prickly. I'm simply saying...for the fourth time...Terry (who can certainly ASK a lawyer what her son should do) needs to see an attorney where she lives. Surly we agree on that? Of course it's up to her son to be the moving party, but I hardly think he's going to be paying the lawyer, so I assume she will be talking to one with him, if not first.

In situations in which a putative father has not been legally determined to be the father of the child, paternity must be established before a child support obligation can be administratively ordered or court ordered

I think you'll find that signing the affidavit constitutes a legal finding of paternity and that's all that's necessary for child support to be ordered. That's the way it is in the majority of states to my knowledge. That's why you have to go to court to make a finding of non-paternity. But again, states vary.

Realistically, you'll have the DNA test results before that happens and when you get them, if negative, see a lawyer. Nothing you can do until then.

 

[TerryJ2]

Meanwhile,
I could have walked the d*mn sample to Utah by now!

Waiting for Samples.
This means the order has been placed, but we are still waiting for all DNA test samples and/or payment to arrive at the laboratory. All DNA test samples must arrive at the lab and the order must be paid in full before testing can begin.

 

[TerryJ2]

Still waiting. It's been five days. What did the P.O. do, put it on a haytruck?

 

[compassion]

When I went though this with my son nearly four years ago, I could look it up online. by the way, he was not the bio dad but still has remained loyal to the mom and the daughter.

 

[TerryJ2]

Compassion, online it says they have received it. I spoke a/w rep yesterday but she wouldn't even tell me if it had been received because my name was nowhere on the form. Never mind that it was my credit card and my email address.
difficult child called back and she said that the test had been received. We had our shorts all in a bunch for nothing.

One more day ... It's supposed to be ready on the 7th.

 

[TerryJ2]

P.S. That is wonderful that your son came through for the mother like that.

 

[TerryJ2]

DNA test results came back today. Difficult Child is the father. He seems happy about it. But totally irresponsible. He took off with-his girlfriend, H after school. Then when she left, he took off on his bike and disappeared until almost 10:00, ran straight upstairs and went to bed. That means he was smoking dope. I had to wake him up to give him his medications. by the way, the psychiatrist likes the idea of intensive outpatient drug treatment but is concerned that I will waste money because Difficult Child won't be committed to the program.
How to keep him reality based?
Lots to think about.