I think you did the right thing. You removed him from the other children. You have him in therapy. You spoke to a lawyer. That is exactly what you should have done. Most parents would have been tempted to destroy the computer and throw it in the river. Do everything the professionals advise. Continue educating him about the horrors of sex trafficking and how wrong it is for a human being to be bought and sold and abused in such an unspeakable way.
Help with pedophile teenager
- Thread starter gijane
- Start date
I think you did the right thing. You removed him from the other children. You have him in therapy. You spoke to a lawyer. That is exactly what you should have done. Most parents would have been tempted to destroy the computer and throw it in the river. Do everything the professionals advise. Continue educating him about the horrors of sex trafficking and how wrong it is for a human being to be bought and sold and abused in such an unspeakable way.
It is okay to feel whatever you feel. It may be that your son's 'affectionate' pats pats were meant in a manner that was not affectionate by him, that he got a different feel from them. THat you picked up on this was something from your subconscious and just is what it is. You CANNOT help your feeling, and are NOT to blame for them. In fact, they are there to protect you and have been telling you that something is off. THey likely are a big part of what led you to find this big problem.
One big thing our society tends to do is tell us that certain feelings are 'wrong', that we 'must' allow certain touches. I have been forever grateful to my mother for going against that in my own childhood. I was allowed to not be hugged by a relative if I didn't want to be hugged, and I was told that if I felt someone gave me the creeps then it was okay to avoid them. THere is an older man in our town who gave me the creeps as a teen (he was middle aged then). He gave my daughter the creeps a few years ago when he tried to talk to her in the video store. He was arrested about a year ago, this pillar of a local church, for molesting several youths of his church, and it has been learned that he has been assaulting children since I was in my teens but no one spoke up because he was such an upstanding man. He approached me as a teen, approached my daughter, and approached MANY other young teen girls I knew. Those of us who trusted our feelings stayed away from him. Many girls were told those feelings were 'wrong' about a man with his reputation, and they ended up very hurt.
Your feelings are not wrong. NOT. EVER. They may not be comfortable, but they are not wrong. Right nowyou don't HAVE to see your son. You need to focus on the children he has hurt. Focus on coping with what you can and figuring out what you can cope with.
Please, know that this isn't your fault. You can only control so much. The rest of us had to learn that we could not control our children's choices. You need to learn this also. If your son truly continues this path, and he could, you cannot stop him. You can enforce consequences, and protect his siblings from his choices. But that is it. His choices are NOT YOUR FAULT.
One big thing our society tends to do is tell us that certain feelings are 'wrong', that we 'must' allow certain touches. I have been forever grateful to my mother for going against that in my own childhood. I was allowed to not be hugged by a relative if I didn't want to be hugged, and I was told that if I felt someone gave me the creeps then it was okay to avoid them. THere is an older man in our town who gave me the creeps as a teen (he was middle aged then). He gave my daughter the creeps a few years ago when he tried to talk to her in the video store. He was arrested about a year ago, this pillar of a local church, for molesting several youths of his church, and it has been learned that he has been assaulting children since I was in my teens but no one spoke up because he was such an upstanding man. He approached me as a teen, approached my daughter, and approached MANY other young teen girls I knew. Those of us who trusted our feelings stayed away from him. Many girls were told those feelings were 'wrong' about a man with his reputation, and they ended up very hurt.
Your feelings are not wrong. NOT. EVER. They may not be comfortable, but they are not wrong. Right nowyou don't HAVE to see your son. You need to focus on the children he has hurt. Focus on coping with what you can and figuring out what you can cope with.
Please, know that this isn't your fault. You can only control so much. The rest of us had to learn that we could not control our children's choices. You need to learn this also. If your son truly continues this path, and he could, you cannot stop him. You can enforce consequences, and protect his siblings from his choices. But that is it. His choices are NOT YOUR FAULT.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
It is not your job or your responsibility to determine what your ex is into or not. The computers and everything else will be turned over.
All I am trying to say is that a boy should not have been exposed to anything like that. That is why there are parental controls on devices and why parents watch their kids. You are a victim here. You tried to intervene with your ex--and it backfired. He did the opposite of what you wanted.
Your son was playing a part with you. He was being false and deceptive. He was attempting to victimize his own siblings. He created this environment of predation in your household. How could this not be creepy, and feel unsafe? Your home was being utilized was the aim of creating images to be consumed by child predators. This is a horrible betrayal.
You sensed what was real; you discovered it; and you revealed it.
With this begins the possibility of healing for everybody.
All I am saying is that I do not believe that kids like your 16 begin to do this kind of thing unless they are instructed, inducted into it. While some parents here believe in a "bad seed" I do not. Although once I met a man who might have fit this category. Only one time.
You seem to be such a loving and caring parent--I do not believe that a child of yours would have turned to this unless they had been pressured, compromised, turned, used by somebody. I believe he has a tale to tell, as well. Now he has a chance.
What you have done can help your son, as well as protect everybody else. Except those people that need to be held accountable.
All I am trying to say is that a boy should not have been exposed to anything like that. That is why there are parental controls on devices and why parents watch their kids. You are a victim here. You tried to intervene with your ex--and it backfired. He did the opposite of what you wanted.
How could you not feel this way?
Your son was playing a part with you. He was being false and deceptive. He was attempting to victimize his own siblings. He created this environment of predation in your household. How could this not be creepy, and feel unsafe? Your home was being utilized was the aim of creating images to be consumed by child predators. This is a horrible betrayal.
You sensed what was real; you discovered it; and you revealed it.
With this begins the possibility of healing for everybody.
All I am saying is that I do not believe that kids like your 16 begin to do this kind of thing unless they are instructed, inducted into it. While some parents here believe in a "bad seed" I do not. Although once I met a man who might have fit this category. Only one time.
You seem to be such a loving and caring parent--I do not believe that a child of yours would have turned to this unless they had been pressured, compromised, turned, used by somebody. I believe he has a tale to tell, as well. Now he has a chance.
What you have done can help your son, as well as protect everybody else. Except those people that need to be held accountable.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
G Jane, I have been disgusted by the things my oldest son did. Nobody used porn in my house, except him. And he liked to steal my ex's credit card to watch online porn and force his little sister to watch it with him. She was eight. When I was at work, in between school being over and my coming home from work, he had a few hours to torture my daughter who was afraid to tell on him, but they are adults now and my son is still a 40 year old problem and my sweet daughter, and my other two kids, want nothing to do with him. He is alone. And he os ok with that. He doesn't care about them.
When you have a kid who is sexually acting out in inappropriate ways plus other kids...this is way different than having one child...in my opinion the first priority needs to be the other kids. We can not allow the others to remain victims, even if the now dangerous child was also a victim.
A victim can sadly turn into a perpetrator. Molesters for example have almost all been molested. That doesn't make the molester any safer because he was once the victim.
I believe your assessment of your oldest child. My oldest child was never right in the empathy department and although he was never diagnosed, he is really up there in narcicistic traits. Except for his son, a clone of himself, he cares for nobody in the right way and has abused and used so many woman plus his patents. I think your gut is probably, sadly right.
My son was in therapy from age 8.
We found tons of porn on his computer after he was forced by me to move in with my ex or hit the streets. A few times he became physically threatening and at the time I was divorced and afraid of his aggession. There was no child porn on the computer, but so much porn..it was not in the normal range.
You'd think if think my kids who lived through both oldest son and abusive foster child would be messed up, but they are great, loving, thriving adults. The victim kids of our other kids matter. My kids tell me that ending the threats made them love me more and honestly my relationship to those three adult kids couldn't be tighter or better. They saw me protecting them eben when their brother was involved and it mattered.
The other kids need to see us make sure the dangerous child is somewhere else, no longer around them. Then, if we know of a place, we can find help for damaged child while they no longer live with us. While our other kids can call home a sanctuary.
Maybe your son gets better, but if a child has no empathy, it's a long shot. And heredity comes into play. I hatr to spund negative. I dont know that pne csn develop empathy. I hope sp for your sons sake and yours.
I think you are where I was, baffled that my own child was like this but aware that he was. I didn't give up hope, and he got better at hiding his lack of empathy as he got older, but he still doesn't have any.
My own father is like him in the empathy department . I love my son and my father, but I am very aware both are empathy limited. Both lash out in extreme anger and have tantrums. My Dad is 92. My son is 39.
My ex was a gentle man and we are still friends.
Protect the triplets first.
It is very different parenting a difficult person when you have no other kids than when you do. It's more complicated.
Your ex sounds like a big loser but your son sounds very scary as well. Help him, but please make sure your other kids don't need to live with him again.
Many hugs and I so feel for you.
When you have a kid who is sexually acting out in inappropriate ways plus other kids...this is way different than having one child...in my opinion the first priority needs to be the other kids. We can not allow the others to remain victims, even if the now dangerous child was also a victim.
A victim can sadly turn into a perpetrator. Molesters for example have almost all been molested. That doesn't make the molester any safer because he was once the victim.
I believe your assessment of your oldest child. My oldest child was never right in the empathy department and although he was never diagnosed, he is really up there in narcicistic traits. Except for his son, a clone of himself, he cares for nobody in the right way and has abused and used so many woman plus his patents. I think your gut is probably, sadly right.
My son was in therapy from age 8.
We found tons of porn on his computer after he was forced by me to move in with my ex or hit the streets. A few times he became physically threatening and at the time I was divorced and afraid of his aggession. There was no child porn on the computer, but so much porn..it was not in the normal range.
You'd think if think my kids who lived through both oldest son and abusive foster child would be messed up, but they are great, loving, thriving adults. The victim kids of our other kids matter. My kids tell me that ending the threats made them love me more and honestly my relationship to those three adult kids couldn't be tighter or better. They saw me protecting them eben when their brother was involved and it mattered.
The other kids need to see us make sure the dangerous child is somewhere else, no longer around them. Then, if we know of a place, we can find help for damaged child while they no longer live with us. While our other kids can call home a sanctuary.
Maybe your son gets better, but if a child has no empathy, it's a long shot. And heredity comes into play. I hatr to spund negative. I dont know that pne csn develop empathy. I hope sp for your sons sake and yours.
I think you are where I was, baffled that my own child was like this but aware that he was. I didn't give up hope, and he got better at hiding his lack of empathy as he got older, but he still doesn't have any.
My own father is like him in the empathy department . I love my son and my father, but I am very aware both are empathy limited. Both lash out in extreme anger and have tantrums. My Dad is 92. My son is 39.
My ex was a gentle man and we are still friends.
Protect the triplets first.
It is very different parenting a difficult person when you have no other kids than when you do. It's more complicated.
Your ex sounds like a big loser but your son sounds very scary as well. Help him, but please make sure your other kids don't need to live with him again.
Many hugs and I so feel for you.
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The best thing about this forum is that none of you seem to bat an eye at the horrific nature of my post! And I can speak freely, more so than I have ever been able to regarding my thoughts and fears.
What his father has done is deplorable. And in so many ways, as J was growing up, he let his children down. J is most like him, a clone, so now it makes sense that he is coming to his rescue. But I agree. He was an accomplice all along in failing to understand the importance of supervision. It was far easier burying his head in the sand, allowing me to do ll the discipline. I left the marriage when they ere 6, because I realized I'd be on my own, and all he was was another child to raise. And detrimental to their upbringing.
I can say it was the best decision I ever made. But my son, as a victim too, always had issues. From behavioral early on, and generally not right. My other three are the most loving and generous children you would ever hope to meet. So I know I did some things right.
I don't like to think of my son as a bad seed. But the nagging feeling in my gut has always feared this. The lack of empathy, disrespect of others things and spaces has grown to sacrificing them to more predators, as many of you have said. That is sinister. And as he has grown older, the devious nature of his personality has increased. What mother wants to believe she has birthed and raised a person capable of such evil?
He is worse than his father by the nature of his crimes. How it started, or when it turned to this is anyone's guess. But I must admit the truth to myself. Things HAVE always felt off. I thought I could love him enough or provide enough boundaries so he would learn. The others did. Instead, he decided to use what I modeled as a way to hurt his family for his own gains. He betrayed us all.
It's difficult to feel bad for him and know his life has been turned upside down, because he knew full well what he was doing behind the scenes. And ALWAYS made himself out the the persecuted one, the victim. And he knows how to work it with his mother.
All BS.
I know if I talked to him now, he would try to BS himself out of trouble. Everything is all a big misunderstanding. No, sorry. I'm not buying any of it ever again.
And truth be told, I think it's over. I so want to believe he can be rehabilitated. But the lack of empathy is right on cue with a real psychopathic nature. The length he will go to in order to convince others he is a victim is unreal.
The sinister nature of his personality is a part of him, sadly. And as much as I want think there's hope, a part of me thinks that I see the real J now for what he is. I'm not giving up hope. I still have it. But it will be from a safe distance, and I fear I will never believe him again.
The lesson to learn from this for me is to blow the taboo subject of pedophilia out of the water - also, that you can be a damned good parent and still have a child who is born with some character disorder. No matter how well he/she is raised, there are no guarantees.
Thank you all again for your support and ideas.
What his father has done is deplorable. And in so many ways, as J was growing up, he let his children down. J is most like him, a clone, so now it makes sense that he is coming to his rescue. But I agree. He was an accomplice all along in failing to understand the importance of supervision. It was far easier burying his head in the sand, allowing me to do ll the discipline. I left the marriage when they ere 6, because I realized I'd be on my own, and all he was was another child to raise. And detrimental to their upbringing.
I can say it was the best decision I ever made. But my son, as a victim too, always had issues. From behavioral early on, and generally not right. My other three are the most loving and generous children you would ever hope to meet. So I know I did some things right.
I don't like to think of my son as a bad seed. But the nagging feeling in my gut has always feared this. The lack of empathy, disrespect of others things and spaces has grown to sacrificing them to more predators, as many of you have said. That is sinister. And as he has grown older, the devious nature of his personality has increased. What mother wants to believe she has birthed and raised a person capable of such evil?
He is worse than his father by the nature of his crimes. How it started, or when it turned to this is anyone's guess. But I must admit the truth to myself. Things HAVE always felt off. I thought I could love him enough or provide enough boundaries so he would learn. The others did. Instead, he decided to use what I modeled as a way to hurt his family for his own gains. He betrayed us all.
It's difficult to feel bad for him and know his life has been turned upside down, because he knew full well what he was doing behind the scenes. And ALWAYS made himself out the the persecuted one, the victim. And he knows how to work it with his mother.
All BS.
I know if I talked to him now, he would try to BS himself out of trouble. Everything is all a big misunderstanding. No, sorry. I'm not buying any of it ever again.
And truth be told, I think it's over. I so want to believe he can be rehabilitated. But the lack of empathy is right on cue with a real psychopathic nature. The length he will go to in order to convince others he is a victim is unreal.
The sinister nature of his personality is a part of him, sadly. And as much as I want think there's hope, a part of me thinks that I see the real J now for what he is. I'm not giving up hope. I still have it. But it will be from a safe distance, and I fear I will never believe him again.
The lesson to learn from this for me is to blow the taboo subject of pedophilia out of the water - also, that you can be a damned good parent and still have a child who is born with some character disorder. No matter how well he/she is raised, there are no guarantees.
Thank you all again for your support and ideas.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
If there is a common thread between our kids, it is this. The unwillingness or inability to take responsibility for their choices and behavior and their choices to blame others, especially their parents.
I do not believe that all of our kids are psychopaths.
Well, there are two ways to look at this. One, each of us has had our own battles and battle scars. We have been looked down on and blamed. How could I cast a stone? Why would I?
The other way to look at this is that we have heard way worse. I do not see one thing in what you have written that could not be reversible. But I am one of the people on this forum who always comes from this position. Except for when I am devastated by my own situation and feel hopeless.
Honestly, I am still not here with you. I wish you could find a way to feel hope for him--because this is how you will find it for yourself. Not that you should allow him back in the home. Not that you should try to soften in any way the repercussions.
I am saying that the more you go in yourself to a place in believing him evil, the more there will be a part of you that will be killed off. By recognizing the situation as it is, by recognizing the reality of what he has done, by staying neutral and steady--there can be found a way through this--without thinking of him as irredeemable.
I understand that you are dealing with horror. On some level your son is dealing with horror, as well. He has nobody else except you. In the USA, I will assume you are here, parental responsibility continues to age 18, but it can be renounced in special situations, in order for children to get the treatment they need. There are residential settings that offer intensive treatment to children such as your son. There are still almost 2 years that the government would be compelled to provide that treatment for your son.
There are networks of parents on the internet who have similar situations. The details may not be the same, but their is a common thread. Parents who have children whose needs are too great for them to handle, financially, emotionally or safely.
You could advocate that your son find a facility such as this, so that he can have the treatment he needs, and be controlled and contained--away from your family.
I for one am not convinced that just because you are unaware that your ex husband had a sexual interest in children--just s and m--such a predilection did not exist. Your son may well have been exposed to real events and mistreatment that have led to this result. If this is so, it can be walked back--through treatment.
Again, my words come from a strong, personal point of view. I understand that.
Thank you, copabanana. I will never give up hope. In fact, I will fight for hope as long as I live. And I will always let him know that I love him and will help in whatever way I can. I will never wash my hands of responsibility. I know much will be revealed this coming week. I'll keep you all updated. My biggest concern is his overall lack of remorse or empathy. That explains so much. If he can get that back or find some, only then will he have a chance.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I cannot stress enough how common this is among many or most of our kids.
This seems to be a characteristic of the age group--males particularly.
And it is definitely characteristic of the difficult children of the rest of us.
And I keep getting messages from my ex telling me we have to come up with a script of what to say to minimize his troubles to social services. Even omit information if needed to spare him the consequences. He wants me to tell my other kids to lie about what their brother has done. Unreal. Or is it?
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I was going to ask if you had thought of blocking him his calls and social media messaging, etc. Then I thought: There must be a legalized child custody arrangement between you whereby you are required to communicate with him.
Then I thought, maybe the attorneys/judge/mediator etc. need to be apprised of the situation currently.
Because your ex is actively urging that your children be compromised; he has urged you to commit felonious crimes; he may have committed felonious crimes.
Is there somebody you should call in the legal community who oversees custody arrangements and visitation? Is this something that might protect you and your other children? Have you talked to your attorney about this?
Because this man is harassing you, along with contributing to the delinquency of his son, along with trying to sacrifice the other children, along with, probably, trying to set you up to take the fall for a crime.
Why in the world should you be subjected to his continuing harassment?
How can you stop it?
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Did you check with the attorney to see if it is legal in your state to record phone conversations without his knowledge, or is it texts?
I know nothing about the law. I want you to be safe.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I just read your updated post with a lump in my throat.
I knew my son was different too and not in a good way. He used to hurt kids on purpose and deny it even when I saw him. He was a problem in school...an o.stigator, a gifted student who liked to disrupt the other kids.
The teen years with him ramped up. I could clearly see he did not have the empathy or honesty of my other kids. I habe empathy empathy challenged people on my family and he inherited it. I will never walk away from him, but I know what he is deep inside him.
He denies everything we all know he did.
I do believe some people are born without empathy. I am not sure I think much can be done about it. My son got help for a long time. The anxiety temporarily got better but he did not admit his bad deeds nor did he develop strong empathy. I could never live with him. He has a good job and lives a few states away and I'm glad.
I don't know that your ex caused this. Having said that, he is certainly not reacting to this in a way that anyone could call normal.
I am glad your other kids are nice and normal. So are mine. It helps. A lot.
I knew my son was different too and not in a good way. He used to hurt kids on purpose and deny it even when I saw him. He was a problem in school...an o.stigator, a gifted student who liked to disrupt the other kids.
The teen years with him ramped up. I could clearly see he did not have the empathy or honesty of my other kids. I habe empathy empathy challenged people on my family and he inherited it. I will never walk away from him, but I know what he is deep inside him.
He denies everything we all know he did.
I do believe some people are born without empathy. I am not sure I think much can be done about it. My son got help for a long time. The anxiety temporarily got better but he did not admit his bad deeds nor did he develop strong empathy. I could never live with him. He has a good job and lives a few states away and I'm glad.
I don't know that your ex caused this. Having said that, he is certainly not reacting to this in a way that anyone could call normal.
I am glad your other kids are nice and normal. So are mine. It helps. A lot.
Tylersmom1979
Member
Reading all these posts and i saw you mentioned conduct disorder. So true. That is one of my sons disorders and he never cares about the consequences and will do things even though he knows the consequences. Its very frustrating sometimes.
Your ex is TEXTING you about destroying evidence?? Either he is totally confident about your compliance with his wishes and absolutely arrogant that things will go his way or his is an absolute idiot. Personally, idiot seems to be my opinion. Because for the police to NOT get involved, and to NOT check the phone accounts of all adults and children involved, esp of those who provided funding (read the adult who provided the credit card used - your ex) would be ridiculous and the most sloppy investigation ever. Even some of the small town cops that I have met wouldn't make that mistake, and esp not on an investigation with this type of crime.
It seems to me he may be trying to text you these types of things either out of panic, which is possible but the dumbest thing he could do as you cannot just delete texts. They are stored on servers somewhere. The other thing is that he is trying to set you up, wanting to be able to later claim that you initiated the discussions about destroying evidence. Either way, it seems like a stupid and highly improbably scheme of his and I hope he hangs himself.
I don't truly wish harm on him. I just want him out of the way so that he won't keep your son from getting whatever help may be possible. I don't know if help is truly available, but you must try. I know you ARE trying, and having your son with him is the option available at this time until the authorities do what they can. I have been in a situation with having to protect my children from another one of my children and sometimes there is great urgency and no great option so you do what you must. But in the long run, having your ex run interference or give conflicting messages to your son could cause problems with the therapy. If he gets into legal trouble for trying to cover things up, it would at least send a message to your son that consequences apply and are worse if you lie and try to destroy the evidence. Plus it would show that your husband was not involved.
This is going to be a difficult week as the CPS interviews start, and as the police are involved. Please take care of yourselves and be sure to talk to your attorney about the best strategies for handling the CPS interviews while protecting your children. Some CPS interviewers are very inexperienced and are not the best at what they do. You should at least ask the attorney what your children should do if they feel the CPS rep is blaming them for what their brother did in ANY way, or if they feel they are being blamed for his actions or their rights are being ignored. It can be hard to deal with CPS as their powers are great and their rules nebulous, but this is why you ask the attorney what the kids should do if they feel uncomfortable with the interviewer and/or what is going on in the interview.
It seems to me he may be trying to text you these types of things either out of panic, which is possible but the dumbest thing he could do as you cannot just delete texts. They are stored on servers somewhere. The other thing is that he is trying to set you up, wanting to be able to later claim that you initiated the discussions about destroying evidence. Either way, it seems like a stupid and highly improbably scheme of his and I hope he hangs himself.
I don't truly wish harm on him. I just want him out of the way so that he won't keep your son from getting whatever help may be possible. I don't know if help is truly available, but you must try. I know you ARE trying, and having your son with him is the option available at this time until the authorities do what they can. I have been in a situation with having to protect my children from another one of my children and sometimes there is great urgency and no great option so you do what you must. But in the long run, having your ex run interference or give conflicting messages to your son could cause problems with the therapy. If he gets into legal trouble for trying to cover things up, it would at least send a message to your son that consequences apply and are worse if you lie and try to destroy the evidence. Plus it would show that your husband was not involved.
This is going to be a difficult week as the CPS interviews start, and as the police are involved. Please take care of yourselves and be sure to talk to your attorney about the best strategies for handling the CPS interviews while protecting your children. Some CPS interviewers are very inexperienced and are not the best at what they do. You should at least ask the attorney what your children should do if they feel the CPS rep is blaming them for what their brother did in ANY way, or if they feel they are being blamed for his actions or their rights are being ignored. It can be hard to deal with CPS as their powers are great and their rules nebulous, but this is why you ask the attorney what the kids should do if they feel uncomfortable with the interviewer and/or what is going on in the interview.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
No. I hAve four kids. THREE are fun and very easy. One is difcult but due to his age and location I barely see him. He won't drive halfway to see me (says it's his driving phobias) and he's too far away for me to drive and visit and there is no good way to get to St. Louis from where I live.
He could drive or take a train to Chicago, which is halfway for both of us and my one of my sweet daughters and granddaughter is there (and I go there at least once every two months) but he won't do it. He wore out my husband and I won't nag him to drive me there, and I was in a horrid accident last year and have not driven at all since anyway. It's a 12 hour drive.
The saddest part of this is that I don't miss his company. He was dangerous. And, worse, my other three think he's mean and do t wNt to see him. And he has been mean and dismissive to all of them.
He could drive or take a train to Chicago, which is halfway for both of us and my one of my sweet daughters and granddaughter is there (and I go there at least once every two months) but he won't do it. He wore out my husband and I won't nag him to drive me there, and I was in a horrid accident last year and have not driven at all since anyway. It's a 12 hour drive.
The saddest part of this is that I don't miss his company. He was dangerous. And, worse, my other three think he's mean and do t wNt to see him. And he has been mean and dismissive to all of them.
This is an excerpt from another long winded abusive text from my delusional ex.
"You have abruptly and without any fore notice brought abt a massive change in the lives of j and myself. You seem to think you can order me to do whatever you wAnt and I will unquestionably obey. This you may be assured is not actually the case. As it happens I totally agree w you that j can no longer live w his sibling. So of course I am happy to have him come live w me. And I have every confidence that I can take good care of him. But I'm not taking him in out of obedience to yr orders. What wd you have done on Tuesday night if I refused and dropped him off w you as usual? "
God help me. I have now had to block him.
"You have abruptly and without any fore notice brought abt a massive change in the lives of j and myself. You seem to think you can order me to do whatever you wAnt and I will unquestionably obey. This you may be assured is not actually the case. As it happens I totally agree w you that j can no longer live w his sibling. So of course I am happy to have him come live w me. And I have every confidence that I can take good care of him. But I'm not taking him in out of obedience to yr orders. What wd you have done on Tuesday night if I refused and dropped him off w you as usual? "
God help me. I have now had to block him.
