Our experience was a lot like Nancy's. difficult child was only allowed to make amends, nothing else, and only after we explained our feelings. She had an old-comer sitting with her in the family circle and the old-comer would cut her off if she did anything else. She did once get nasty after she was set back to 1st phase after being 2 weeks from graduating. The old-comer could not stop her. We had been instructed in parent training to rise and walk away and tell a staff person she broke the rules. We did just that. We also withheld our next visit as she had not made ammends or even addmitted her wrong doing by the following week.
The only problem solving took place with the counselor and family in private counseling meetings and, only after the counselor had preplanned with difficult child. She was able to share her issues in an appropriate way.
She was in an adolescent Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with mostly dual diagnosed kids (most often the case anyway) and it was very family oriented. It was 12 step based. Maybe adult places are different but my guess is that when parents are involved-they have some protective factors.
