He's drugging again.....

[RN0441]

Miss June

I just read this thread and so sorry that you are going through this. My son also was a binge user of drugs and abused any medication he ever received and would mix with alcohol and weed. A lot of your story sounds familiar to me.

We had him in in patient rehab a few times and he'd come home and stay clean for a few months and then go right back to it. He has been in Outpatient programs also. He just was very young when this all started and we didn't "get it" either. The last time he went to rehab at age 20 we told him he could not come home because we knew the pattern and we sent him to Florida to live in an IOP and then sober living. After what seemed to work after a rough start, he relapsed on benzos again last month. It's hard to say "relapse" because he never really was 100% clean; did use weed and alcohol which again lead to the benzo use. He went to the doctor and got a prescription for them. Like his therapist said, weed and alcohol release the same endorphines as pills (which really take him down fast) so he can't use anything.

I also agree with the others that your son needs in patient rehab and then the steps to sober living. He is 25 years old and will never grow up if you are there to clean up his messes all the time. We're learning that the hard way too and our son is 21. We thought by sending him 1500 miles away he would "get it" that we are DONE but we did try to maintain a relationship with him when we felt he was trying to be a productive person. He has a girlfriend that is completely sober and is planning to start law school in the fall. She can't keep him sober either. I'm glad he has her but wonder if she is an enabler as well.

His last binge taught us both that until he really ACCEPTS he has a problem and does what the EXPERTS say he needs to do to heal his brain, he will keep reliving the pattern he has been in since age 15. Addiction really is an illness and if someone is more than a recreational user, that falls into the realm of addict. I do hate that word but it is what it is.

Oh and I just found out from his current therapist yesterday that he FAKED having A.D.D. and anxiety to get pills. He fooled the doctors too. He does not even know that I know this yet.

I do hope that you get counseling for yourself to help you deal with this. I did not care for NA or AA either (too many sad stories) but I do see a therapist on my own which helps me to set healthy boundaries with our son. My husband is also very supportive but this is not easy and it is not for the faint of heart. Keep posting and reading and that will help you tremendously. It sure helps me. I don't know if he's going to get it this time either but at least my home is calm and safe.

 

[MissJuneBug]

I just read this thread and so sorry that you are going through this. My son also was a binge user of drugs and abused any medication he ever received and would mix with alcohol and weed. A lot of your story sounds familiar to me.

I've been following your story also and am so sorry your son relapsed, too.

I agree with the IP care. We are meeting with his therapist and psychiatrist at the IOP tomorrow. We may press the issue. This on again, off again form of substance abuse is so hard because it too easy to write it off as a 'one-off' event. Even all the therapists my son has seen (some who are substance abuse specialists) seem to have a hard time deciding whether he has a true addiction or not.

Every single time we have gotten him an appointment and gone in with him with the full intention of getting him IP care, we get shot down and told he doesn't need even an IOP. And these are with substance abuse professionals who actually work in IP Rehabs.

Sign, there's something really wrong with our behavioral healthcare system in this country.

 

[Copabanana]

a true addiction or not

Junebug. I do not know why they are setting up such barriers to treatment with what is essentially dual diagnoses. To me, they are nit-picking.

Honestly, I do not see why it matters if he has a "true" addiction or not, if the effect is that he abuses drugs and is functionally impaired to the extent you describe.

I would press the issue. If they keep presenting these obstacles to treatment, I might look for other treatment providers.

My son has not encountered these kind of barriers to treatment, with similar diagnoses. Except my son has had suicidal ideation and several hospitalizations for same. What in the world are they balking for? I do not get it either.

 

[february]

Teri...thats true. You cant really correctly diagnose somebody who is using drugs. There ARE duo diagnosis treatment centers.

Yes, my son does pot all day and takes, antidepressants and something fror sleep. He wont stop the pot.

 

[Copabanana]

He wont stop the pot.

No matter how much we have prevailed upon and pressured my son, he will not stop marijuana either. We have told him we will kick him out and we do kick him out. Over and over it is the same. He is living at another house we own, that we bought for him to live. We told him "no pot" there either but the condition has no teeth as long as we cannot stand that he be homeless. We do not want him homeless. Period.

Marijuana was voted to be legal in my State last year, although he is buying it illegally. He also has a medical marijuana card. So, we have a come to a kind of a truce. He does what he wants with respect to marijuana, but I keep my distance. I do not let him come to my house.

I have given up the illusion that anything I do or want for him has any real importance or effect. But he cannot call the shots with me or in my house. I think that is important. That their rule does not extend to us or to our space.

 

[february]

Yes, my son does not live with me either, but it I still deal with the issue daily. And pay for his rent and expenses. He is waiting on disability, does not want to work. I don't want to see him homeless either. I need to begin to let go more and let him have some responsibility.

 

[RN0441]

My son does not want to be homeless so that is one thing that we have going for us.

He is in an IOP program as of yesterday. I hope this time he takes it seriously and gets the help he needs. He has been "binging" on and off for almost six years and it has completely prevented him from living a normal life. We kept thinking each time it was the last time and that it would get better. It never did for him or us. We kept thinking the light bulb would turn on. It didn't. He has two older brothers that are very successful and hard workers and my husband and I also set good examples so he has seen that all his life.

Some people can use drugs recreationally and some cannot. My son cannot drink or smoke weed recreationally like many others his age and like I did at his age. I think that is a hard pill for a young adult to swallow. Nobody wants to be different.

In reality, I do wish he was able to have a few beers now and then and who knows, maybe SOMEDAY he will be able to do that but not for a very very long time. I would never even say that to him. That is my denial I guess.

Junebug if your son can actually get something out of the program he is in then that is good. It doesn't sound like he's committed to being sober though. I am not sure my son is either so I don't say that to you lightly. Sometimes they do what they think WE want them to do which appeases us for a while, but if it's not in their hearts it won't last. But on the other hand WE are not waiting for when he is "ready" any longer. We are done with his drama.

 

[february]

Yes, my son does pot all day and takes, antidepressants and something fror sleep. He wont stop the pot.

Today was a hard day he uses me and then, he is not even appreciative. He is rude to me and ungrateful. I just cried today and told him to leave me alone. I dont know why they feel we need to support them financially and put up with their drama.

 

[RN0441]

Today was a hard day he uses me and then, he is not even appreciative. He is rude to me and ungrateful. I just cried today and told him to leave me alone. I dont know why they feel we need to support them financially and put up with their drama.

Why don't you start your own thread February and tell your story so others can respond?