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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 747159" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Welcome- I see you have been through it. It's tough trying to write all of our experiences with these kids but you have found a place where we all understand. I know firsthand it is so much more difficult when grandchildren are involved. First of all you need to believe that none of this is your fault. Your son is an adult. You cannot control his behavior or help him out of his problems. If you could it would have been fixed a long time ago. You are not responsible for his actions and you need to let people know that when they expect you to "take care of it." When people make those kind of comments to me about my daughter I just say, "She's an adult and is responsible for her own behavior and choices." End of discussion. I have had lots of well meaning friends give suggestions as to how to help my daughter, as if I haven't tried everything. There is no need for you to be embarrassed because you have not done anything wrong. You have done more than most people would or could. Obviously you are not a bad mother or you would not have tried everything you could and spent tons of money to try and help your son. Please take some time to learn about boundaries. You need to return your focus to yourself and your health regardless of the choices your son makes- good or bad. There are times when I have to take a break from contact with my daughter. I no longer feel guilty about it when I do. I have to put myself first, and that's the way it is. I'm glad you're here. There are lots of people with lots of experience and wisdom who have been through very similar situations. Sending you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 747159, member: 11235"] Welcome- I see you have been through it. It's tough trying to write all of our experiences with these kids but you have found a place where we all understand. I know firsthand it is so much more difficult when grandchildren are involved. First of all you need to believe that none of this is your fault. Your son is an adult. You cannot control his behavior or help him out of his problems. If you could it would have been fixed a long time ago. You are not responsible for his actions and you need to let people know that when they expect you to "take care of it." When people make those kind of comments to me about my daughter I just say, "She's an adult and is responsible for her own behavior and choices." End of discussion. I have had lots of well meaning friends give suggestions as to how to help my daughter, as if I haven't tried everything. There is no need for you to be embarrassed because you have not done anything wrong. You have done more than most people would or could. Obviously you are not a bad mother or you would not have tried everything you could and spent tons of money to try and help your son. Please take some time to learn about boundaries. You need to return your focus to yourself and your health regardless of the choices your son makes- good or bad. There are times when I have to take a break from contact with my daughter. I no longer feel guilty about it when I do. I have to put myself first, and that's the way it is. I'm glad you're here. There are lots of people with lots of experience and wisdom who have been through very similar situations. Sending you peace. [/QUOTE]
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