I too am sorry.
I am all too familiar with this pain (from many ...if not all...the angles).
It was seriously hard for us to make the decision to apply for SS Disability for our daughter. Each case is different. Each decision to even apply is a tough one. Our case was rather clear....and it was still tough.
AND letting her make very serious mistakes...pay the consequences for her dangerous and scary choices...also very very tough. We too offer our daughter help with medications, medical tx and the like. She applies for jobs...BUT...
I CAN tell you that ever since we pulled away, although things are still 'highly irregular' for lack of a better way of putting it....she is almost always respectful to her father and I.
Things are still hard...but at least this part of it is much better. Always a tug at the heartstrings.
husband and I have learned to practice self care and move forward.
BEST decision I (we) ever made in my life and I hope to help others professionally with this type of thing.
Sending good thoughts...prayers for strength and wisdom for you and your husband.