Homeless 46 year old daughter and a son in jail

[Weary Mother]

Hello All: I have been sick for a couple of weeks and not been able to post a lot. I have had a letter from my son, who was finally sentenced a few weeks back. He was transferred on 8/9/2016 to RDC, where they hold you to evaluate you for transfer to a prison, and also perform medical testing to see if you have any communicable diseases. He said that all the guys that came with him have come and gone to a prison, he remains in a small cell, no a/c, and not able to perform any work related duties to pass the time due to a battery charge from 24 years ago that was a result of him and his wife fighting when they lived in florida, she hit him with a hammer and he fought back, she called the cops and he got arrested. Then she wrote to me and confessed all this, and he was released, however it is on his record. So, he is really feeling the heat literally and says he knows his dad hates him so he isnt writing to him and he feels that he will have nobody in this world to help him when he is out. I do understand this was written in a time of terrible depression. I don't know why he is kept in a small un air conditioned cell, in the heat we have had, but I can't do anything about it. Needless to say I cried when I read it, knowing that this will pass. I can't tell you how sick I am of drama and issues, having them all my life and it never ends. I was talking to my 83 year old mother last night and she was telling me about some stuff in the family with her brother which was very sad and how she realizes that there is just nothing that can be done in some cases. I for myself am just soul sick at having to accept this. I want him to be well, and not be in this awful place in his life. And since I cant change reality, it hurts. But, I am going about my business and nobody in my normal life would know that I go through all this, as I put my face on and smile. But at home and during times of terrible feelings and events, I cry into my pillow. That is all I can do. I do have hope that the future can be different. But I know that is not even mine to try to manage. Thanks for listening.

 

[BusynMember]

I am happy you feel better now. Do take good care of YOU!!!

Jodie, there are forums for parents of children in prison. You would have to search for them, but I found them on Google SEarch once for a bereaved acquaintance who also did not tell most of her real life people about her incarcerated son, even some family. She did e mail a thank you and said it helped to talk to others in the same boat. You aren't alone in this.

Jodi, this is happening to your beloved son because of his choices. It would tear out any mother's heart, but they normally do not provide the comforts of home in jail/prison. I hope and pray your son finally hates it so much that this is his last time. Maybe he will take the experience with him once he is out and finally change. There are up sides to his not being comfortable too. He can decide....never again!!


Hopefully you move on with your life anyway. You can not help your son in any way, as hard as that is. He chose his life but you chose a different life. Enjoy it because not enjoying your life will not change anything. You deserve wonderful golden years. Your son does not want you to suffer too. He loves you.

Hugs for your hurting heart. You are strong and brave and you can do this.

 

[savior no more]

Hi Jodie -
I relate to where you are and your story. I am in the same boat with a son that is incarcerated. I can't control the conditions any more than I could control his drug use and getting beat up by people when he was in the drug culture. I just pray for him and me daily to find a "good" life and thoughts no matter what the outward circumstances. I think of the ability of the human soul to survive and find meaning and I just let it go at that. Thoughts of comfort to you and your son.

 

[Weary Mother]

I am happy you feel better now. Do take good care of YOU!!!

Jodie, there are forums for parents of children in prison. You would have to search for them, but I found them on Google SEarch once for a bereaved acquaintance who also did not tell most of her real life people about her incarcerated son, even some family. She did e mail a thank you and said it helped to talk to others in the same boat. You aren't alone in this.

Jodi, this is happening to your beloved son because of his choices. It would tear out any mother's heart, but they normally do not provide the comforts of home in jail/prison. I hope and pray your son finally hates it so much that this is his last time. Maybe he will take the experience with him once he is out and finally change. There are up sides to his not being comfortable too. He can decide....never again!!


Hopefully you move on with your life anyway. You can not help your son in any way, as hard as that is. He chose his life but you chose a different life. Enjoy it because not enjoying your life will not change anything. You deserve wonderful golden years. Your son does not want you to suffer too. He loves you.

Hugs for your hurting heart. You are strong and brave and you can do this.

Hello, you are so right about prison and not providing any comforts and I do hope that he suffers and hates it so much that he does not ever risk going back again. And I suppose I should look for a forum for parents of children in prison, I never thought of that. It may help. However, all in all, with my 2 difficult children, this forum really does help for most of my issues. Both my son and daughter have had many many opportunities (I wish I had had as much help when I was young) to make a good life. Both of them have repeatedly chosen the low life and along the way lashed out blaming me for not helping them more, for causing their problems, for anything they could. Daughter is now working in Washington MO., renting a small apartment and rebuilding her life. I don't hear from her much which is ok by me. Yesterday she texted me asking if I could send her DVD player and her blanket. I told her that I would check to see the cost and let her know, if she felt she could afford to pay for it, I would send. I think she was assuming that I would just put out the money and mail it. Wrong. So, I am putting the responsibility back on both of them for their own belongings and life.

 

[Weary Mother]

Hi Jodie -
I relate to where you are and your story. I am in the same boat with a son that is incarcerated. I can't control the conditions any more than I could control his drug use and getting beat up by people when he was in the drug culture. I just pray for him and me daily to find a "good" life and thoughts no matter what the outward circumstances. I think of the ability of the human soul to survive and find meaning and I just let it go at that. Thoughts of comfort to you and your son.

Savior no more, thank you for your reply. I do know that the ability of the human soul is great, people do overcome many obstacles. My difficult son in prison is learning disabled that he was born with, making him not stupid or anything but limited and especially naive and immature, impulsive in decisions. He was a follower all his life, his older brother the leader until he died at age 25 in truck accident. So I know that people who are learning disabled are victimized more and fall prey to things easier. I do hope in prison that he is assessed and given the right kind of help, but prison is prison as somewhereoutthere referred to her her post. It isnt home for sure, so he is at the mercy of the powers to be and his own ability to take care of himself. Thanks for your thoughts on this.