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How can I ever truly be happy? I am 63 and she is 36 still acting 13.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 746881" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am really sorry. You are very kind and have so much on your plate and probably feel obligated to take care of everyone. It is common. But it isnt always good for us or even for those we are caring for. We can burn out.</p><p></p><p>Doesnt the twelve year old get SSI and a case manager? I have a 25 year old spectrum son who functions very well but I still wanted to plan for him after we are gone. So he lives in a nice subsidized apartment, gets a food share card, gets SSI and has Medicare/Medicaid, has a payee, works part time does some sports for adults with special needs and is on his own. His case manager is a phone call away if he needs to ask questions. We certainly welcome his phone calls....he is a love bug....but we encourage him to utilize his community supports because they will always be there and we won't. He has a sister close byH and she is very helpful. </p><p></p><p>Our son had a very rough start in life as his birthmother did not care for herself during her pregnancy and he had drugs in his system at birth then had open heart surgery. We adopted him when he was two and love him to the moon. Those drugs probably contributed to the autism. He had amazing foster parents before he came to us. They had him in tons of services. All his autism interventions really helped. </p><p></p><p>It would be a good idea in my opinion to get your grandson's life in order in case some day you can no longer care for him. He probably can get SSI now and with SSI comes many services, including respite care. If you dont need this now, you probably will need it in a few years. I personally like to be prepared in advance so that I can have peace about things. So I get my ducks in a row.</p><p></p><p>My son had many free services in school and the community. Dont try to do this yourself. Everyone needs help, even if you are young and healthy. The services helped my son become very high functioning. Without them, I don't know how he would be.</p><p></p><p>I again suggest you do all you can to get outside help for the 12 year old as you and your husband deserve to have peace of mind knowing what will happen to the boy if you cant care for him anymore one day. For now, if you can get respite, the 16 year old can help with his brother even if he would rather be out with his friends. He is edging toward 18. He can help you with his brother. Or help anyone watching his brother. Do get him used to being a support for his brother. I dont mean make him responsible for his brother but I would encourage him to be helpful, empathic and concerned for him. One day it will be just them. Mom is unlikely to step up but older son sounds responsible and nice!</p><p></p><p>There is nothing wrong with looking at a state paid for school or live in care center for the 12 year old. I am still quite healthy and active but at my age it would be very hard emotionally to care for a minor child. There are so many things I never did that I want to do with my husband and my ability to be a good parent would never be like it was. I dearly love my grands but could never raise them.</p><p></p><p>Please, please try to find a way to take your life back. Try to get help for the twelve year old. This is for you too.</p><p></p><p>Well, I wish you well and send prayers. This is really all I wanted to say, and I hope you do get that week with your hub and time to yourself...there is a lot of help out there that costs nothing but you have to ask! Good luck!</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 746881, member: 1550"] I am really sorry. You are very kind and have so much on your plate and probably feel obligated to take care of everyone. It is common. But it isnt always good for us or even for those we are caring for. We can burn out. Doesnt the twelve year old get SSI and a case manager? I have a 25 year old spectrum son who functions very well but I still wanted to plan for him after we are gone. So he lives in a nice subsidized apartment, gets a food share card, gets SSI and has Medicare/Medicaid, has a payee, works part time does some sports for adults with special needs and is on his own. His case manager is a phone call away if he needs to ask questions. We certainly welcome his phone calls....he is a love bug....but we encourage him to utilize his community supports because they will always be there and we won't. He has a sister close byH and she is very helpful. Our son had a very rough start in life as his birthmother did not care for herself during her pregnancy and he had drugs in his system at birth then had open heart surgery. We adopted him when he was two and love him to the moon. Those drugs probably contributed to the autism. He had amazing foster parents before he came to us. They had him in tons of services. All his autism interventions really helped. It would be a good idea in my opinion to get your grandson's life in order in case some day you can no longer care for him. He probably can get SSI now and with SSI comes many services, including respite care. If you dont need this now, you probably will need it in a few years. I personally like to be prepared in advance so that I can have peace about things. So I get my ducks in a row. My son had many free services in school and the community. Dont try to do this yourself. Everyone needs help, even if you are young and healthy. The services helped my son become very high functioning. Without them, I don't know how he would be. I again suggest you do all you can to get outside help for the 12 year old as you and your husband deserve to have peace of mind knowing what will happen to the boy if you cant care for him anymore one day. For now, if you can get respite, the 16 year old can help with his brother even if he would rather be out with his friends. He is edging toward 18. He can help you with his brother. Or help anyone watching his brother. Do get him used to being a support for his brother. I dont mean make him responsible for his brother but I would encourage him to be helpful, empathic and concerned for him. One day it will be just them. Mom is unlikely to step up but older son sounds responsible and nice! There is nothing wrong with looking at a state paid for school or live in care center for the 12 year old. I am still quite healthy and active but at my age it would be very hard emotionally to care for a minor child. There are so many things I never did that I want to do with my husband and my ability to be a good parent would never be like it was. I dearly love my grands but could never raise them. Please, please try to find a way to take your life back. Try to get help for the twelve year old. This is for you too. Well, I wish you well and send prayers. This is really all I wanted to say, and I hope you do get that week with your hub and time to yourself...there is a lot of help out there that costs nothing but you have to ask! Good luck! Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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How can I ever truly be happy? I am 63 and she is 36 still acting 13.
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