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How can I ever truly be happy? I am 63 and she is 36 still acting 13.
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<blockquote data-quote="AppleCori" data-source="post: 746898" data-attributes="member: 16024"><p>Do you know why she calls you cruel?</p><p></p><p>Why she guilts you when she wants you to pay her bills or give her something?</p><p></p><p>Because it works.</p><p></p><p>She will say whatever it takes to keep you on her string, like you are her puppet.</p><p></p><p>Stop playing her game (and it IS a game).</p><p></p><p>The first step is to realize that what your daughter is doing to you is pure manipulation. Get angry that she continues to try to use you.</p><p></p><p>Next, understand that you can’t do everything for everyone, you can’t be there for everyone, and get your priorities in order.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is an adult and can fend for herself. Drop any and all obligations to her and set yourself free from that burden. This is important. You may feel guilty at first, but that is OK. You will be doing the right thing for everyone, including her. Doing things for an adult that they should be doing for themselves only enables them and keeps them dependent. Not a good thing. Remember—your daughter can choose to act 13 if she wants to, but you can choose not to enable her. If someone else wants to enable her to act 13, that is their business. If her husband chooses not to work, that is his business, not yours, and not your problem. Let him figure how to pay his bills without working or getting money from you.</p><p></p><p>Call the county and find some free/sliding scale counseling for yourself (maybe hubby as well if needed).</p><p></p><p>Find some supports for your younger grandson.</p><p></p><p>I remember Somewhereoutthere talking about getting an advocate from the state education agency to advocate for services for disabled kids in the system. Perhaps she could tell you more about that, if she hasn’t already (I haven’t read everyone’s responses in this thread).</p><p></p><p>You need help with grandson now, and you need help navigating the system. You also need them to help plan for his teens or adulthood, which needs to include safe housing in possibly a group home situation and help with daily needs.</p><p></p><p>There has to be things out there for him.</p><p></p><p>Keep us informed of how you are doing.</p><p></p><p>Apple</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AppleCori, post: 746898, member: 16024"] Do you know why she calls you cruel? Why she guilts you when she wants you to pay her bills or give her something? Because it works. She will say whatever it takes to keep you on her string, like you are her puppet. Stop playing her game (and it IS a game). The first step is to realize that what your daughter is doing to you is pure manipulation. Get angry that she continues to try to use you. Next, understand that you can’t do everything for everyone, you can’t be there for everyone, and get your priorities in order. Your daughter is an adult and can fend for herself. Drop any and all obligations to her and set yourself free from that burden. This is important. You may feel guilty at first, but that is OK. You will be doing the right thing for everyone, including her. Doing things for an adult that they should be doing for themselves only enables them and keeps them dependent. Not a good thing. Remember—your daughter can choose to act 13 if she wants to, but you can choose not to enable her. If someone else wants to enable her to act 13, that is their business. If her husband chooses not to work, that is his business, not yours, and not your problem. Let him figure how to pay his bills without working or getting money from you. Call the county and find some free/sliding scale counseling for yourself (maybe hubby as well if needed). Find some supports for your younger grandson. I remember Somewhereoutthere talking about getting an advocate from the state education agency to advocate for services for disabled kids in the system. Perhaps she could tell you more about that, if she hasn’t already (I haven’t read everyone’s responses in this thread). You need help with grandson now, and you need help navigating the system. You also need them to help plan for his teens or adulthood, which needs to include safe housing in possibly a group home situation and help with daily needs. There has to be things out there for him. Keep us informed of how you are doing. Apple [/QUOTE]
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How can I ever truly be happy? I am 63 and she is 36 still acting 13.
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